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Not comfotable with kids -- Need Advice Please
Ok, I'm about to start sounding like a 13 year old on her first baby-sitting gig but please bear with me. All advice will be appreciated.
For Christmas, I would like to give my SIL and BIL a gift card to their favorite restaurant and then offer to watch their 2 kids for them so they don't have to worry about a baby-sitter. My only problem is their younger son (he'll be 3 in January) screams whenever his mother tries to leave him with anyone. And it's not just the normal 5-10 minute cry fest that most young children have when their parents leave. I once watched him and his 5yo brother for 3 hours and he cried for most of it. When he did stop crying he'd start right back up again if I ever tried to go near him. It's not like he doesn't know me, I've been renting a basement apartment from his mom and dad for the past two years and DH and I are always going over for laundry or to visit. He sees me in passing at least once a day.
So I need advice on how to deal with him. What I'd really like to do is find a way to get him to not scream every time he gets left with me. I'd be much more willing to watch them. But beyond that I just need advice on how to handle the screaming. I never did any babysitting as a teenager and my only other nephew lives in Georgia (I'm in Maryland) so I have no experience watching children and I don't feel 100% comfortable with my skills. I'm hoping that BIL and SIL will be able to spend a few hours out together where they don't have to worry about anything but I don't know if I'll be able to take being with a screamer for that long.
FWIW, their older son (he's 5) LOVES it when I come over to visit. He's always wanting to play games or show me his new toys. If it were just him, I'd be happy to babysit a few times a month.
Anyway, if anyone can give me advice I would really appreciate it. Thanks!
Re: Not comfotable with kids -- Need Advice Please
In the past, how have you tried to get him to stop crying?
If it's really a problem and he's only three, could the parents put him to bed and go out for a late dinner?
I work in my church nursery and one way that I have found to handle the criers is to distract them. We blow bubbles ( oh my kids love bubbles) and let the parents slowly sneak out. Another thing that kids really love are balls. Our nursery room has several ball toys and the kids are almost mesmerized with them. Spin the balls around, throw them around, pretend to hit yourself, whatever you have to do. When my husband is with me, he will pretend to hit himself in the head with a ball and pretend to fall down and oh my the kids love it. I know it might not be the most appropriate way to calm them down ( and we definitely don't let them hit each other), but what can I say, it works.
I know this toy is a little young for a three year old, but you might be surprised how well it works.
http://www.amazon.com/Toysmith-Battat-Mirror-Pound-Colors/dp/B000068P9J
Under the circumstances I wouldn't recommend the coupon for babysitting. It's a good idea for when this phase passes.
When I was a teen, I was a regular babysitter for a family with a 2 yo and 5 yo. No screaming. My DD has had 2 babysitters in her short life. No screaming.
This isn't your fault or problem to solve. Maybe bake them some cookies to go along with the restuarant gift card.
yeah that's a parent child issue. In my experience it really does help if the parents leave while the child isn't watching. As another poster suggested, distract the child and then have the parents leave quietly. I did this with my nephew the other day and he had no issues. Didn't even notice they were gone until an hour after they left. by then, he was too interested in his project to care. Another thing to do, would be to bring something to do. Make a simple art project. Something new to do with kids always gets their attention.
According to most child development experts, this is a terrible idea. It sets an anxious child up to be come distrustful and hypervigilant around a parent leaving.
We've tried to distract him while mom leaves and, even when it works, he just starts crying as soon as he realizes that she's not around. So that's not going to work
He even does this when she leaves him with with his dad so at least it isn't me that upsets him (per se). I was more wondering because when his dad or grandparents watch him they seem to get him to calm down within a half hour and I've never been able to accomplish that.
Maybe I'll try to distract him by bringing something new. Last time I watched them, I didn't really get a chance to do anything to distract him. Like I said, every time I went toward him he ran away from me. I ended up just turning on the TV and started playing games with his brother (he stayed in the same room as us so I didn't have to worry about him getting hurt). Eventually he got distracted enough by cartoons to calm down--until commercials came on and he'd start crying until the show was back on.
Put on a movie if he cries during commercials :-) (j/k)
Honestly, if the older child is fine and will play games with you, use that to your advantage. I'd start playing a game with the five year old and then start talking within the younger one's earshot. Example...
"Do you beat your brother at this game?"
"Yup, he's little."
"Hey X! Your brother says he beats you all the time at this game. Want to show me that this isn't true? I'll be on your team!"
Give him something to do that is more constructive than TV. Take them to the park, play in the backyard, challenge him to a game of Hide and Go Seek. Basically, just distract the hell out of him with fun projects and games.
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Not your problem. Give them a nice gift card, and let them get their own babysitter.
My nieces and nephews were babies and small toddlers when I was away at college but when I'd come home for a long weekend there was a sort of "warming up period" where it would take a few hours for them to figure out I'm their aunt and that I am here to play with them. It helps if you are the one, not the parents who feed them or change their diaper. They start trusting you.
However some little ones simply just want their Mommy or Daddy constantly and no one, sometimes not even Grandma can compete. You can't take it personally, but it can be trying. Each kid is different. Just keep trying, usually its a phase. GL!
I'm going to echo that I think this is a HORRID idea.
I've worked w/ preschool kids and I'll say that those that 'meltdown' when mom leaves recover. Those that turn around and suddenly realize mom is gone? they meltdown beyond recognition and it goes form 'bad' to 'tremendously bad'--especially the NEXT time mom goes to leave.
'tis far better to deal w/ the tears than set it up this way, IMO
Having taught Kindergarten for 3 years the way I deal with criers is to initially comfort them and then carry on with whatever I'm doing. Obviously you can say, "Ooo! We're doing something so much fun over here why don't you join us!" And you can say it in the most annoying singsong voice you can muster and they still won't go near you. I just ignore the behavior and carry on with the other kids. That's when I would use my most annoying singsong voice but I would direct it to the other kids. eventually the crier will stop and join the group.
Another strategy I've heard is to have mom leave something valuable that the child knows mom needs and will come back to claim. The mom makes the child the keeper of that object until mom returns. In the end, the kid's going to have to learn that he can't be with mommy all the time. So the more opportunities you can give I'm sure things will get better. Maybe not after the first, second, or even third time but it will/should get better. Oh, and ditto the disappearing act. BAD IDEA!
Is this the normal age for kids to experience separation anxiety? I kind of have the same feeling as PP, that the kid does this because it's worked in the past. Mom needs to get into a routine of making plans to go out W/O the kids, than carry it out. I'd almost bet that mom starts to walk out, kid screams, mom comes back and doesn't leave. That's a recipe for a clingy, needy kid.
ETA: OP, I'm sure this was no help to you at all. This is a problem for the parents, and like Sue_Sue said, get them the GC if that's what you want to get them, and let them worry about a sitter. It may even be you that they ask, but go into it knowing how it's going to be.