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Destination Wedding - expectations?
H and I got a phone call from a distant family relative of mine last night, clarifying our mailing address and telling us that their daughter is going to get married this May. And apparently it's a destination wedding - Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
This daughter was engaged before, and had her wedding all planned for a high-end resort along the Central California coast, so it's very much her style to plan a fancy destination wedding, but here's the thing; I'm not sure I want to go, nor is DH. And although we could probably afford it, I'm not sure I want to spend that kind of money on a trip to a place I have no interest in going for what I consider a total luxury and unnecessary party. Sure it's her call to have the kind of wedding she wants, but it's our call to decide if we want to take part.
For the record, I'm not very close friends with this girl. She's a lot younger than me and we don't have much in common. If we were to go, we'd be going for the parents, not for her.
What do you think? What would you do?
Re: Destination Wedding - expectations?
I wouldn't go if you don't want to. It's not up to them to determine when I take my vacation time, how I spend my money and where I take my vacation.
If she's planning a destination wedding, then she should (ideally, anyway) be going into it knowing that there's a higher decline rate. If she holds this against you then she'd be nuts.
If I was planning a DW, I'd only be really pissed if my immediate family members and absolute closest friends declined. And that's assuming that (a) I ran the plans before them and got their approval before I booked the wedding, and (b) nothing big came up during my engagement that'd prevent them from going (health or money problems, etc.).
Politely decline the invitation and send the gift to whatever address she has on the registry. This really is not a big deal at all.
I think that people who have destinations expect people do decline due to money/time off/etc.
If this is a place that you are not interested in going, I wouldn't waste the money... or make it to the wedding and then go off with just your DH and make it a vacation alone.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
no, i wouldn't go. i mean, she is a distant relative, so i wouldn't spend the money to go to her DW. as someone who had a DW, i can relate to wanting to invite family and close friends - if only not to exclude. i didn't have high expectations for anyone to attend outside of my immediate family.
Nope, I wouldn't go.
I had a destination wedding myself, but we only invited close friends and family, and understood that some people might not make it.
Decline. Most "normal" people that have destination weddings expect most of their guests to decline. Its a lot of money and time. I only went to destination weddings of people who were close to me.
I will say that I have been to two of them and we had A BLAST. Especially since the places were all inclusive. So if it was a place you were thinking of going at one point, I think you would have a great time. Especially surrounded by a group of people you know.
Since you arent friendly with this girl however, just decline. Its only an invite. Don't feel bad at all.
I think those who plan destination weddings understand from the getgo that a lot of people will not be able to attend due to financial or other cicumstances--and some may just not want to go or dislike travel.
It sounds like you don't want to go, so I would stay home and maybe send a nice gift if you are so inclined.
We had a DW, we were very grateful and honoured that the people that came chose to spend their vacation time and extra $$ on being there for our wedding.
That said, we also only invited 10 very close friends outside of immediate family members all of which lived in a different city than we call home and would have had to travel regardless. We also had no expectations that they would be there.
If you guys aren't that close, did this girl invite like 100 people as a gift grab?
Um, this is so simple I can't believe you had to ask. Did you just want to type your story out for fun?
You don't want to go, so don't go. DUH!!
in that situation I would not go.
I think destination weddings are selfish acts ....its like telling someone where and when to go on vacation. Sure, you are not OBLIGATED to go, but some people feel that they "should" go.
I was feeling like I "should" go, as you said, but I've changed my mind. H said it's up to me - he'll go if it's really important to me (as it's my family) but he trusts me to make up my mind responsibly. So yeah, we'll give it a miss.
To the OP, and to others who have voiced the same opinions, don't go. If an extended relative/friend that you're not close to invites you to travel thousands of miles away, it's probably a gift grab. Unless you want to go to Mexico, which you said you did not, it's not worth your time or money.
We had a destination wedding and, to be honest, our first inclination was to treat it as an elopement. But our mothers said they absolutely would be there, my sister and her husband said they were coming no matter what, and my best friend and her husband told me they'd been dreaming of attending our wedding ever since my DH and I met. So those were the extent of our guests (and that's probably who we would have invited anyway, if we had sent invitations). In all, it was something akin to a family vacation, and we all had a blast. (Everyone lives in different states, except us and my mother.) I'm sure most couples would not prefer their honeymoon to be a family vacation, but it's exactly what we wanted and was one of the most fun vacations we've ever had.