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Traveling with Fiances family help!!!

ok so me and my fiance have been engaged for a few months :)

 His grandparents live in Cleveland and I was invited to go with his family from december 26th-dec 29th to visit his grandparents. My mom is having a huge fit about "how we arent married" and we are traveling together, and that it wont "look proper"

 I have traditional values and I am going with his entire family on the trip its not just us two alone. I am sleeping on a different floor level than him when we are there also. Any suggestions on how to ease my moms rants about "how I am not proper"

 p.s. I have extremely traditional values and even I dont think this is a big deal.....please help fellow knotties especially if you have gone through this same experience. :)

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Re: Traveling with Fiances family help!!!

  • "Mom, I'm an adult and this is not open for discussion."
  • Yeah, when I first read this, I thought it was about how his family didn't want you to share a room and I was going to tell you that maybe it would be respectful of you to go with what they're comfortable with. This is about your mother that has nothing to do with the trip? Then I second the PP's suggestion, I have no idea why this would be a question.

    Or is this because you think because she would think it's improper his family might as well and you don't want to make a bad impression? Let him navigate those waters.

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  • imagecasmgn:
    "Mom, I'm an adult and this is not open for discussion."

    Exactly. 

  • Your mother's nuts -- she's over reacting.

    I'd tell her that the topic isn't open to discussion.

  • A couple of questions.

    First, how old are you?  Second, do you and FI belong to the same church as your mother?

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  • Is the travel time more than one day causing you to have to stay in a hotel?  If that is the case just tell her you will be staying in separate rooms.  Otherwise, I really don't get her issue. 
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  • If you are old enough to be engaged you are old enough to tell her she is insulting you. If by what you say you have these values then she shouldn't be implying you will be doing anything improper. I agree it shouldn't be open for discussion, but if you want to shut her up then tell her if she reared you properly then she should have no worries and if she didn't then now it is too late. Enjoy the trip.
  • According to old school etiquette, if you are traveling with at least one married couple, you are adequately chaparoned. Dig out an old Emily Post and wave it in front of her. Otherwise, engage your pastor to talk some sense into her.

  • imagecasmgn:
    "Mom, I'm an adult and this is not open for discussion."

    This.

    Honestly, my guess is your mom is really upset that you aren't spending Christmas with her. And again, the above answer is the most appropriate to that as well.

  • imageVelvetshady:

    imagecasmgn:
    "Mom, I'm an adult and this is not open for discussion."

    This.

    Honestly, my guess is your mom is really upset that you aren't spending Christmas with her. And again, the above answer is the most appropriate to that as well.

     

    OP is leaving on the 26th, so we can assume she's with mom on Christmas.

  • If you're not currently living in her house, then she cannot boss you around. Just say, "You raised me right, so please trust that I'll do the right thing," and then don't discuss it anymore.

    However, if you ARE still living at home with her, then of course she's going to expect you to do what she says. You either have to find a way to deal with that, or move out so you can live your own life.

    image
  • Well, just go anyway. You don't have to do what mommy says when you're an adult. What's the worst that can happen? She'll be mad for a few days and then she'll get over it.

    That's assuming, of course, that you are actually an adult and not dependent on her for your basic living needs.

  • When DH and I were dating and engaged, we lived long distance and traveled together.  He was living with his aunt and uncle and when I would go to visit (cleared it with them first of course), I would stay in a completely different bedroom on the floor below him.  When we traveled, both alone and with family, we often had no choice about rooming arrangements.  But, we still managed to save ourselves for marriage.  My mom had a conniption fit the firs time I told her we were traveling together.  But, like PP said, I had to gently inform her that we had made the decision as a couple to save ourselves for marriage (I don't know for sure that that's your plan, but it was our plan), and reminded her of the values she had instilled in me.  This calmed her down a good bit.
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  • If you are going to post this on The Knot and here, it might be nice of you to come back and respond to people who are taking the time to give you advice.
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  • Your mother is over reacting.... Do as you wish to do... You are an adult.  She will get over it... and next time don't share things like this with her.
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  • imageedielaura:
    If you are going to post this on The Knot and here, it might be nice of you to come back and respond to people who are taking the time to give you advice.

    Um, it's been less than a day.  Maybe she posted, went to bed, got up, and went to work.  It's highly possible that she has a job that doesn't let her use the computer for personal use.

    Or maybe she just decided to give it a day before checking the responses.

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  • imageedielaura:
    If you are going to post this on The Knot and here, it might be nice of you to come back and respond to people who are taking the time to give you advice.

    Um, it's been less than a day.  Maybe she posted, went to bed, got up, and went to work.  It's highly possible that she has a job that doesn't let her use the computer for personal use.

    Or maybe she just decided to give it a day before checking the responses.

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