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Dramatic Future Sister In Law
Every year, fiance and I switch off our parent's houses for Christmas.
This year we are going to his parent's house for Christmas Eve and
Christmas, during the day. My fiance's older brother is also engaged to
a girl, who is a complete piece of work, to put it nicely. She is
currently living with her parents, in the same town that my future in
laws live, and is demanding we open gifts Christmas Eve so she can spend
all day at her family's house (even though she lives with them!!!). FMIL wants us all to open presents at the same time.
I
would also like to add, that my fiance's younger brother recently got
back from Iraq, after being gone for a year, so this is his first
Christmas back. You would think everyone would want to make this Christmas special for him. It makes me so mad that everyone is trying to
accommodate her, when I who don't live with my family, am being
reasonable about making compromises with my fiance. My question is:
what, if anything, should I do or say in this situation?
Re: Dramatic Future Sister In Law
Putting your feelings about FSIL aside for a moment here and just discussing the issue at hand. You are spending Christmas Eve and part of Christmas day at their house. FSIL is only spending Christmas Eve at their house and wants gifts open at that time.
Ok, first off, I'm not quite getting what the issue is here. You are all going to be together Christmas Eve so, technically you can open gifts at that time, correct? What is it you really want to say?
I don't see why any of this is an issue.
You said you'll be there for Christmas Eve anyway, right? So WTF is the problem with opening the gifts then? FSIL is not holding a gun to FMIL's head and forcing her to do a Christmas Eve gift exchange ... FMIL can always say no if she wants to open on Christmas Day. If FMIL allows FSIL to push her around, then that's FMIL's fault and not FSIL's. (And for the record, I don't think it's a ridiculous request from FSIL in the first place.)
If you were going to your own parents' house on Christmas Eve then you would have the right to say, "Sorry, FMIL, but Christmas Eve won't work for us. If you open on Christmas Day then we can participate ... otherwise, open on Christmas Eve without us and we will meet up the next day." But since you will be at her house on Christmas Eve anyway, then this is a moot point.
Plus, it sounds like FSIL will be out of the house on Christmas Day, right? Sounds like a win-win situation for you if you don't like her. You see her on CHristmas Eve and then she's out of your hair. Why would you WANT her to stick around for a second day, if you apparently dislike her so much?
As for the soldier brother ... what does any of this have to do with making Christmas less "special" for him? What are ANY of you "compromising" in this situation? I could see your point if he was being deployed back out and this schedule change would make him miss Christmas with his family ... but that's not the case, is it? Other than the timing of opening the gifts, what would he be missing out on? What would ANY of you be missing out on?
If you don't like FSIL, fine, but you're looking to create drama where there isn't any, which is just immature and childish. The only thing changing here is when you all open a bunch of packages. You would have the right to speak up if this schedule change would mean you and FI missing out on the festivities, but saying, "FSIL is changing the family traditions and that's unfair" (especially when you are not technically a member of that family yet, and when you likely were not around for most of the time behind that tradition) is just going to make YOU wind up looking like the bad guy.
I get what you are saying and trust me, I have a SIL who likes to dictate the holidays too and it is frustrating.
I think the key is, if the rest of the family is ok with it then you might have to be as well.
Also, the fact that she lives with her parents really is irrelevant here. When it is the holidays it is about so much more than how often you see your family. I think in this case, everyone will all be together for Christmas Eve, therefore, that seems like the best time to open gifts.
Besides, opening gifts is not the only part of Christmas. Just because you may open gifts at 7pm on Christmas Eve doesn't mean Christmas is over. Enjoy the time you have with your little BIL being home. Try not to make a mountain out of a molehill.
My IL's open gifts on Christmas Eve too and at first I used to think that is weird, but honestly it's not big deal. The kids have their gifts ripped open within 20 minutes and the rest of the evening is just relaxing, eating and enjoying watching the kids play with their new toys.
So why can't you all open gifts after 7 p.m., then?
Also, you didn't mention the older brother in your original post. Is he going to be there on Christmas Eve or not? Plus, you keep switching back and forth between Older Brother and Younger Brother ... I'm confused.
AND, I still don't see what's making Christmas any less "specia"l for Younger Soldier Brother if the only issue is, "He just came back from a tour of duty." Does this change of plans affect his schedule in any way, or are you just pissy because his family tradition is changing this year? Why are you taking it upon yourself to decide what is/is not special for him? Has he said anything about the schedule change, or are you just assuming that he's going to feel bad? Frankly, if he just came back from a war, I would be assuming that he's just grateful to be safe and sound with his family, whether it's December 24 or December 25 or Groundhog Day.
Finally, like I said before ... if your FMIL is willing to change the plans to accommodate her future daughter-in-law, and shut out her son and grandson in the process ... then that is 100% FMIL's fault, not FSIL's. If anything, you should be mad at FMIL.
But, again, I don't see why any of this is your problem. If the schedule change interferes with your and your FI's plans, speak up ... otherwise, keep your mouth shut and butt out. If anyone else in the family feels "less special" or has a schedule conflict, they can stand up for themselves and speak up. It's not your job to be Family Spokeswoman all of a sudden.
Last updated 4/06/11