Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
May I vent? (Long)
MIL related if you don't want to read and VERY long! Sorry in advance!
So when I go back to work, the plan is that my mum will come and look after Lucie one day, Arek's mom another, she'll go to daycare 2 days, and hopefully I can stay home one day. Because she's so little, we don't want her getting handed around too much so we'd prefer her to be at home when my mum and Arek's mom watch her, esp if she's having 4 different caregivers. Perfectly fine with my mum, in fact, she prefers it - she doesn't want to have to buy everything she needs in her home. I told her I'm fine with her dropping her off at my work on her way home as it's on the way and then she can avoid most of the traffic. Arek's mom on the other hand is refusing to come here. She wants me to drive Lucie to her house before work and come back and pick her up. For several reasons this sucks. Most importantly, I don't think it's good for Lucie to have to be shuffled like that, not to mention the fact I'll be getting her up really early to do this.
If I take her to MIL's house, which is 45 mins away with no traffic, I won't be able to work my normal 7:30-4 shift as it would mean getting Lucie up and out of the house by 6 at the latest to get her there and then drive the 30 mins back in the direction I came to go to work. That's being generous - of course there will be traffic. If I decide to work later so Lucie can sleep in, I'm going to get stuck in even more traffic which means I may not even get to work till 9, will have to work till 5:30, will be in more traffic going to get her and likely won't get home until at least 7:30. I think it's a lot for her, and also a lot for me to have to do all that.
So, DH went to talk to her yesterday to explain all that and say that we'd like her to be in her own house where it's comfortable and that it would be easier for MIL if she came here because everything she needs is here. She refused and wouldn't even compromise. She said it's inconvenient for HER to have to come here and that she's doing us a favor by looking after her so we should be willing to go to her.
Yes, I really appreciate her offering to look after Lucie, it saves us money and I hope that it would help Lucie to get to know them and become close with them to see them once a week, but to me, it's not worth it. I told DH that if she won't budge, I'm quite happy to pay for an extra day of daycare - he doesn't like that and is willing to give in to save money. I feel like if we give in she'll think she can get away with whatever she wants - I'm already afraid of some of the things she might let Lucie do judging by what she let Arek do as a kid - it's a wonder how he turned out so normally.
Oh and to top it off - DH is sick. They haven't once called to see how Lucie is doing in the 6+ weeks she's been here, but they called this morning to check on him. And in the hospital when he was also sick, they actually asked the nurse to turn up the heat because they were so concerned about him - they didn't consider that I was hot, had just had a c section and was feeling crappy.
Agh, they annoy me so much!
Re: May I vent? (Long)
Your MIL is a selfish B!tch.
DO NOT compromise with what you feel is right for your kid. Don't give her power over you when it comes to Lucie. The day that she watches her would be a crazy long and unhappy day. Not to mention that you would be worried about Lucie all day long while she's over there because you cant' trust her.
If she is looking at it as her doing you a favor you are in for all kinds of trouble. What will happen the first time something conflicts with her watching lucie? Will she expect to trade with your mom, have you take Lucie to work or something even more ridiculous? If she's not in it for spending quality time with her grand daughter then she doesn't need to do it at all.
I would be very curious to know exactly what Arek told his mom. Do you think he mentioned it, she said no and he gave up and let it go? Maybe you will have to talk to her yourself.
I'd have a talk with her, lay down the law and do what you have to do from there.
Good luck!
If your MIL is giving you grief now, just wait. Personally, pay for the extra day in day care if you can afford to. it's not worth one day of back and forth with tolls, gas, wear and tear on your bodies and on your car. This will show your MIL you are doing what's best for Lucie, not for her convience.
Tiff said it all better than I could! I agree with you...if it's take Lucie to your MIL once a week or pay for an extra day of daycare...I'd pay for the extra day of daycare.
Our Blog!
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain."
This! But everyone knows I am anti-MIL....
I agree with the rest of the girls.
If Arek is so set on having his mom watch her one day a week, then he can take and pick up Lucie!