April 2010 Weddings
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"Have a Happy Period" Complaint Letter

This is an "actual letter" from an Austin , Texas woman sent to
Proctor and  Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets

rolling after the first paragraph.

This was PC Magazine's 2009 Editors' Choice award-winner

for the best letter sent via e-mail.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,


I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I

appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core

or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa

dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight,

white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.

Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that

maxi pads be aerodynamic I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month

knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't.

Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel

hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now,

my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call

'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.'

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a

bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits

from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and

cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and

out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling

with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.. Which brings me to the reason for my

letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach

inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there,

printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny

middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing

happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above

sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some

kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in

which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in

your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a

hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic

message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's

actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is

Wrong'.

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there

will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad

business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not

for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that's a promise I

will keep.


Always. . ...


Wendi Aarons Austin , TX
~Melissa~
Shmel's Blog

Re: "Have a Happy Period" Complaint Letter

  • What an effing nut job!!!! LMAO!!!! I'd love to fly down to Austin Texas just to hit her upside the head with the stupid stick. I've never read anything on a pad, and probably never will, as long as it serves its purpose....
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  • omfg that is PRICELESS!

    good for her!  hahaha


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  • haha I've seen it before and every time it makes me laugh!
  • LOL that is funny!! I agree who the heck would put that phrase on pad wrappers and good for her telling him what a moronic statement it is. 
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  • That is absolutely hilarious.
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  • All I have to say is oh, my goodness! And that Miss Wendy has waaaaaay too much time on her hands!
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  • Funny!  Thanks for sharing!  I think both parties are a bit nuts, but that makes the story :)
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  • I for one, would get a laugh out of seeing random slogans on pad wrappings such as "Put down the hammer."  

    I never go quite that postal on a period, but I get it!


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  • hahahahaha.. that helped brighten my day some. That is too funny lol
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  • imagekikijbird:

    I for one, would get a laugh out of seeing random slogans on pad wrappings such as "Put down the hammer."  

    I never go quite that postal on a period, but I get it!

     

    I would find these very useful as well. 

     That letter just about sums it up. I feel like I need to show this to DH because I've never been able to put into words just how having a period feels, but this letter does it nicely. 

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  • This is the best thing I've ever read ever. I love everything about this. And what I find the funniest is that a guy is the brand manager in the "feminine hygience dept" I wonder what he tells people when they ask what his job is.

     

  • Too too funny! Thanks for a good laugh Mel.
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  • This is hysterical! Good for her. I've been tempted to write emails like this myself about things I've seen with products, but never had the guts. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put that on a pad should be fired. Ugh, what about someone who is TTC and cries every month when she gets her period?

    You know, I don't talk about my job much, but I work in a marketing related capacity. Since 2005 most of my work has been for women's health type products, working closely with the brand managers. Most of them are men.  Some of the assumptions they've made and ideas they've had through the years would make you cringe. I've had to rein them in so many times!

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  • That is SO funny!  Good for her.  I have no doubt that a man came up with the idea to put that slogan on there.

    Thanks for sharing  :)

  • omg !! Priceless is right!

    thanks for sharing.

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