Been a long time... Update...(long)

rainieday · December 2010

Hi everyone. I know it's been a few months since I have posted an update, but I have been lurking around rather sporadically.

Things haven't gone exactly the way I thought they would, although they did take an improved road.

So, here's the abbreviated version:

1. Counseling was FANTASTIC! The best thing I have Ever done for myself! I was able to really address some issues that I had with my husband, my family and most importantly myself! I highly recommend it to anyone who has been having issues with their husband, parents, or family in general.

2. I was able to find the confidence to sit down and have a frank, honest conversation with my husband about his actions (or lack thereof) and where I saw our relationship going if changes did not happen.

3. I put our son in daycare. I took away my husband's excuse for not wanting to get off his butt and get a job. He LOVES his daycare and has really become very social with other children! It's amazing to watch him blossom the way he has!

4. My husband got a job! WooHOO!!! He's been working steadily for a few months. Since he started working again, he's spending more time with me and our son, being a real DAD and HUSBAND! He's planned date nights for just the two of us, arranging everything from child care to saving the money out of his spending money (which is not much), and took great pride in the fact that my present from him was the first one wrapped and put under the tree this year.

So, I was all ready to leave and start a new life without him a few months ago. I think he realized that and got scared and he's been taking large steps since then to improve both our family relationship and our relationship as husband and wife.

I just wanted to jump on and say thank you to all of you. I understand that some of you will probably look back on my previous posts and wonder what kind of fantasy land I'm living in by staying in my marriage, and if I were you I would probably wonder the same thing. I'm not saying we don't have our problems, but they're not problems that I'm scared to address anymore. Your advice helped me to find the courage to know that I can do things on my own if I need to. H now knows that his behavior for the first 13+ months of our son's life will not be tolerated and he knows the consequences if he reverts back to them, and he has voluntarily taken steps to improve. He seems happier now than I've seen him in a while, we all are.

But it all started here. Had I not come here out of desperation and heard the honest replies you all gave me, I would not have been spurred into action and I would still be miserable.

Thank you all so much and Merry Christmas! I wish nothing but the best for you all this Christmas Season and have high hopes for the new year!