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splitting holidays *long*
I didn't grow up living near family. My closest relatives live about 2 hours away and we only saw them a few times a year, we never really spent holidays with them but sometimes we would get together before or after Thanksgiving & Christmas. Therefore I've never learned how to split holidays because I've never had to. My brother & I always got to do basically whatever we wanted (once we were old enough to have a say) because we didn't have to shuffle between families.
I won't get into the whole story because it's just too damn long, but once again no one is taking us into consideration and they just expect us to do whatever. That's partly our fault for not saying anything, but with my IL's there is no change. We can get mad & tell them how we feel, but they won't change.
I'm really miserable with the current plans, and my MIL still isn't happy. The least she could do is be happy if I have to be unhappy. Does that even make sense? Probably not.
I hate that I'm so unhappy and complaining right now, but I just can't seem to get over it. Ted & I have been arguing about it all week, which is just making it even worse.
I have to be honest - this is not how I thought my first married Christmas would be.
/whiny complaining
Hopefully I'll feel better about everything once Christmas is here, hopefully it won't be as aggravating as I'm expecting, and hopefully we make it through the holidays without killing each other.
Re: splitting holidays *long*
We used to run around a lot more than we do now, but we still do a lot of shuffling from household to household. My parents have been divorced since I was 2, so every year I would swap holidays between them. But add Rick into it & his parents are divorced too-that's 4 sets of parents now!
We've finally got a system down so the holidays are somewhat tolerable, but it's still pretty crazy! Thankfully his dad always does their family's get together the weekend before Xmas.
Christmas eve we now spend with my dad's side. Christmas morning/day we spend at home & usually have my mom over for dinner around 1ish. then we head over to his mom's house around 5ish. I am afraid what is going to happen when we have kids!
I'm kinda uneasy about christmas this year though. Our elderly neighbor just passed away last week & left behind her husband. very sad. This couple has done a lot for us since we've moved into the neighborhood & they love my husband (he's always helping them out around their house & stuff) The man was planning to stay home alone on christmas, so Rick invited him over for dinner. It's a great gesture & everything, but I'm kind of uneasy about it b/c I don't really know him that well.... so now it's going to be me, my mom, Rick, & our 85yr old neighbor.
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I'm also starting to resent my IL's and their IL's. Who ever heard of skipping their own families house to spend the holidays with my SIL's family. That's the way it was supposed to be for Thanksgiving. My mom and brother ended up going out to eat alone because they had no other place to go. And I'm just so bugged by the fact that my IL's so easily do family GTG's with my SIL's family and don't even think about my own teenie family.
BTW we ended up getting really ill for Thanksgiving and had to spend it alone anyway. Oh and for Christmas brunch (my IL's tradition), we invited my mom & bro since we're hosting it this year.
Anyway, hang in there Sarah. Maybe after this one you and DH can sit down and plan it out for all of next year. That way you're not so disappointed for each holiday. I mean who really wants to not be happy during the holidays. GL
I hate the running around and not having any time for DH and I. This year we have no plans for Christmas eve so I guess that will be our "just us" time (even though DH's bro live with us). DH has to work, but maybe he'll get off early...who knows.
Anyway...I think that after this Christmas you should sit down and make a plan for next year. That way everything is fresh and you know what you would do differently. I do like seeing all my family and DH's family for Christmas, but I hate that everyone tries to jam it into 2 days. Maybe when we have a house I can offer to host on on the weekend before or something. Is that something you could do next year? Offer to have Christmas with the ILs the weekend before because you're spending Christmas with your family (or something like that).
GL and I hope you have a very merry Christmas in spite of the crappy plans
Thank you!
I have to be honest - I was sorta expecting a lot of "get over it!" (but nicer) responses to this post. I hate whining and complaining in general, I hate it 10x as much when it's me doing it. I'm glad (?) to see that this isn't just me, it makes me feel less like I'm the problem. Hopefully after a good vent we all feel a little better. My IL's to invite my family to Thanksgiving so we don't have to split that holiday, and I'm so thankful for that because I couldn't spend Thanksgiving away from my parents.
I'm actually feeling a lot better right now because I finally realized that this is how it is so I'm embracing it... otherwise I'll just cry from now until Sunday. We definitely have to come up with a plan for next year. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but if we have kids next year I'm not shuffling between houses. My IL's seem to think we can do that because we don't have kids. Once we do we're staying put and they can change around all of their plans. Ha! lol.
I hope we ALL enjoy Christmas and make the most of our situations.
Blehhh I know how you feel. My parents are split up and my mom is single. I refuse to let her sit at home by herself. Luckily DH only has his parents and brother that live here. We go over his parents on Christmas Eve, but then the rest of the time we're with my family. We always invite DH's parents over my moms on Christmas though so they aren't home by themselves all day.
Sarah, I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope you have a great holiday despite the crappy situation!
Hatteras, North Carolina
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This is exactly why I put our rule into effect when we got married. We were planning for kids right away and I didn't feel like dealing with it with a baby (and hopefully later kids) in tow.
Christmas for us usually is hectic, but not this year!!
Last year we got up nad had to be out the door no later than 10am. Drove to Dh's mom's then to my dad's both places we really enjoy, but then we had to go to his dad's family which tends to be super stressful and a bit to stuffy for us.
This year the plan is to go to a friends house Christmas eve and then just relax and enjoy Christmas day just us.
I hope you ladies don't get to stressed and have a nice Christmas.
Ashley & Josh ~ The Reef Resort ~ Grand Cayman~ May 15th 2010
I wish I was as smart. We were going to have all the familes together, but DH's parents are divorced, and his mother is a witch when it comes to his dad. Something happened at the hospital that his mother did that upset my mum, so she doesn't want to speak to her. Our house is too small so we were going to do it at my parents (and mum agreed even though she is upset with DH's mother). But DH's dad wanted us Xmas Eve and since they asked first, we said yes. But this upset DH's aunts because they do Xmas with the whole family Xmas eve, meanwhile my uncle and his family, and another uncle and family always come to our house Xmas Eve. We asked MIL and grandma IL over Xmas day, for an early lunch and were going to go to my parents with my grandpa Xmas day, but apparently our time that we were hosting our lunch at didn;t work for his mother. So it will be too late to do Xmas with my family, so we are doing it boxing day. My parents are okay with that, and we will likely just go over and hang out, but still.
I guess this post belonged in the other thread, sorry.
Next year, his mother doesn't get Xmas, we are going to start rotating, Xmas, Xmas Eve and Boxing day for us.
I think Sunday night we should all just have a drink, and think of each other and the joys of sharing the holidays.
That sounds like a fabulous idea.