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Help my MIL is a horrible gift giver!!
We dated for almost 3 years before getting married. So i have been though 3 christmases with her ugly gifts. This time of year is so hard on us. We live on the east coast, all my family is on the west coast, but his is ten minutes down the road.
So we are expected at every family gathering, every holiday!! Which is annoying enough. To top it off I have to act like a i like the crap they give me.
here is a small list....
Pink pot and pans. ( BTW It's Pipto bismal pink)
Pink Vera Bradley Luggage. (my husband won't even hold it)
Pink Apron 
Pink Ornaments with Pink Pjs (mind you everyone knows I do blue/silver tree every year!)
Crocheted red and green place mats and matching napkins rings. (Gross)
Recyled coasters ----- Because I try to live Green.
Help please how do i talk to her without hurting her feelings?
Re: Help my MIL is a horrible gift giver!!
She sure loves pink, doesn't she. Heh.
I wouldn't mind the pink ornaments. If you don't want to hang them on your tree, display them some other way. Maybe make up a centerpiece with greenery and use the pink ornaments there.
Extra pots and pans come in handy, especially when it's a holiday and you're doing a lot of cooking for a lot of dishes being served. Use her pots once a year when she's coming over.:)
You sound like rather a tool.
It looks like she put some thought and effort into these gifts, and didn't just hit the bargain bin at the Dollar General. You might find the color tacky, but there really isn't anything wrong with giving you pots and pans and luggage.
No, you don't say anything to her. Perhaps your DH can suggest doing a wish-list for the family.
Pink pot and pans. ( BTW It's Pipto bismal pink)
- Ok, not the greatest color, but it's not like the food cares what color pot/pan it gets cooked in. Just don't use it when you have company, if they're going to see your kitchen.
Pink Vera Bradley Luggage. (my husband won't even hold it)
- Exchange it or carry it yourself. I have the *ugliest* floral suitcase on the planet. Bought it on purpose...you bet I have no trouble picking that sucker out on the airport conveyor belt!
Pink Apron
- See my comment on the pans. It matters what color apron you get food on? Make enough of a mess and it's not pink any more (and you might be glad you weren't wearing a good apron when you got that spaghetti sauce on it!).
Pink Ornaments with Pink Pjs (mind you everyone knows I do blue/silver tree every year!)
- Make a mini tree with the ornaments. Never mind that the whole "I do an *insert theme/color here* tree every year" thing just makes me laugh because it seems so magazine rather than real life. Then again, I've got two kids...they decorate the tree and it's covered in stuff they made in school. So maybe I have a theme, too, if "Charlie Brown Christmas" counts. For the PJ's, I'll say it again...it matters what color you sleep in? Unless your DH won't get busy with a pink PJ'd wife for some strange reason, keep them for when you haven't gotten to the laundry, or it's that time of the month, or when you're sick.
Crocheted red and green place mats and matching napkins rings. (Gross)
- Sounds kind of cute for a holiday meal, to me.
Recyled coasters ----- Because I try to live Green.
- OK, this one I'll give you because there's living Green and there's reusing other people's crud. Coasters that had food/drink on them aren't my idea of a good gift.
Help please how do i talk to her without hurting her feelings?
- IF she asks, you give her suggestions. If you feel like being passive/aggressive, you and your DH could drop hints. Otherwise you plaster on a big smile, realize it's a gift and she owes you nothing so if you come out of the holidays without something new/great/usable you're no worse off than you were, and say a generous thank you as you shove the item into a closet with your foot.
Mmm. Yes. I have a suitcase that looks like someone shot and skinned a davenport, but I've never had a problem finding it at baggage claim!
Say thank you very much, this is lovely. And then use the gifts, or not, as you choose; and dispose of them at your leisure.
She is not a catalog service; and she is entitled to buy you what she wants to give you. This is not a problem for anyone to 'confront' her over, or whatever.
And the pink luggage? Please. You wil never have an issue finding it at the airport; use it. Pink pots and pans? What, you think the color somehow affects the cooking time? Use them, if they're nicer than what you have; and if not, save them to give to good will or somoene you know who needs them. Pink apron? Wear it and keep the splatters off your clothes.
My MIL got me a picture of herself and a pillow to put a baby tooth in...we aren't pregnant, don't have a child, and she isn't even smiling in the picture!
Just smile and move on, regift the ornaments next year or set up a second smaller tree in another room, use the apron for outside work, donate the pajamas, stick the pots and pans in a cupboard because everyone always need one extra something at some point and you will be happy to remember you have the other pot, and send me the luggage.
...just remember, it could always be worse!
~Benjamin Franklin
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This was what I was thinking. Perhaps all this pink is in support of breast cancer charities.
QFT.
Please No one get me wrong. I am thankful that all of our family is able to give gifts. I know with times being so hard that it is a blessing. I would rather she save her money then spend it on items that wont be enjoyed.
We live in an apartment so space is at a premium already.
Pots and Pans
I know the food doesn't care. DUH But I do. We already recieved a beautiful set for a wedding gift. Just a few short months ago. She knows this as she came over right after we got back from our honeymoon to see us open our gifts. That set replaced our "starter set." that is now shoved in the storage. We really didnt need a third set.
The luggage is not the hard type that could go through airports. This is more like a huge duffle bag made of soft clothe.
I do like the mini tree idea. We dont have any children. So yes our tree looks like it is straight out of a magazine. But that is what we were going for. I love my sisters tree too because she has kids. and someday our tree will progess to a kid decorated tree. For now i like the color theme.
If there is any way to find out where the gifts were purchased so you can return them for refunds? If not, then just donate the gifts you don't want to charity, there is no rule that states you have to use gifts given to you or have to display gifts given to you. As a receiver of a gift, you can do what you want with the gift.
Also, I would not put a lot of thought into MIL's future Christmas gifts as she does not seem to put a lot of thought into what you would like or want for Christmas. She could also be playing a passive/aggressive game. She may not like you very much so she buys you lousy gifts as her way of showing it. How is your relationship in general with your MIL?
I took the recycled coasters to mean they were made out of recycled items (like old bottles, paper, tires, etc.) not that they were reused coasters. If they were the kind I'm thinking of then I have no idea why this is a bad gift for someone who makes an effort at being green.
We all get cruddy gifts and we smile and move on with it.
What does this mean? We don't have kids and our tree does not look like it is straight out of a magazine. We have a hodge podge of ornaments - you don't need kids in order to have a tree like that.
Anyway, if you don't need the pots, donate them. Use the bag as a weekend bag, or donate or regift it. And if you DH won't help you carry the bag because of the color, he's a tool.
I have an in-law who has never given me (or more importantly, his own SON) a single. solitary. gift. Ever. Never a gift, never a card, nothing. Not for birthdays, holidays or our wedding. Be grateful that she at least cares enough about you to get you SOMETHING.
But, no, there's no gracious way to say to her, "These gifts stink and I want better ones." So smile, thank her for her generosity, and then deal with it.
Why why why does this always come up. Not every action has hostile intent. Don't assume that it does.
My aunt, bless her, tries really hard to be a great gift-giver. She puts a lot of thought into gifts, but lacks a little common sense. The 6 foot windchimes I got were very lovely, but I don't really need my house to sound like it's calling everyone to church.
Now deliberately getting a bad gift because you don't like what she gives would be passive aggressive. So you're recommending the OP fight this by being passive aggressive.
Laura, I feel your pain. My MIL is a horrible gifter as well. The current record for worst gift I ever got from her was a pink purse in the shape of a corset. I think there was a stuffed dog attached to it somewhere as well. Needless to say that it went straight into the basement never to be seen again.
My advice to you is to graciously accept these gifts and then either store them or donate what you can. Maybe you can regift them as gag gifts to your girlfriends. They may not seem too bad to someone else. As for the future, I would make a point to have your DH suggest to your MIL useful gift ideas when holidays or birthdays come around. Maybe she is only coming up with these weird gifts because she has no idea what you want or need! If she continues to give unwanted gifts in spite of knowing what you want or need, then just suck it up and accept that you can't change her.
You should definitely not say anything to her about how you don't like these gifts. It seems to me that she is really trying to please you and to tell her to stop giving would be cruel IMHO.
My MIL got me a Wal Mart set of bath products. The same Wal-Mart set of bath products she gets me every year. Don't get me wrong, I love bath products, but not the best gift year after year. My FIL and Step MIL got me nothing. They got dh nothing.
I love the color pink, I love traveling, and I love cooking. My Christmas tree doesn't look like it's straight out of a magazine and I love it. Perhaps we could trade MIL's.
yeah... none of those gifts are awful. I would understand if your post said that your MIL was getting you a ton of gifts that are just not your style, but you seem to think there is something universally wrong with what you're getting.
there was a post a while back about a MIL who gave the poster bath soaps that she was allergic to EVERY YEAR, even though the MIL knew she couldn't use them.
Your situation < Other Poster's Situation
All of those gifts sound very thoughtful, and the only response should be thankfulness.