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WWYD/ Thoughts?
DH & I can't afford a lot right now but one of my dearest friends is getting married in Antigua in May... because of that, we've said we most likely won't go visit the ILs when they go south for a few months.
My mother just decided to plan my dad's 60th birthday celebration in CA so he can be with his family (mom, sister, niece & nephews). My mom said they'd fly us out using frequent flier miles and rent a house for all of us... so the only significant costs we'll have will be pet care. Technically, my parents can't afford to pay for this either which makes it really uncomfortable for us because we know it's not the smartest thing they are doing.
I told her we have to see because we already told the ILs that we couldn't come. DH thinks it's really unfair that we end up doing everything with my family. My mom said "oh ILs will understand, it's a special birthday celebration". I told my mom that that is unfair and she is making me chose between our families by basically saying one is more important than the other.
I don't want to miss out on a family thing but I stubbornly want my mother to respect our situation as well. What are your thoughts about it? I'm getting too annoyed at my mother to talk to her about this.
Re: WWYD/ Thoughts?
I agree with Megan-- and I think it's important that DH makes it clear to his parents that the only reason you can't visit with the ILs is cost.
We have a similar situation in that my parents have TONS more money than my ILs (not that my parents are rich, but my ILs don't have a lot at all). So my parents hosted our Rehearsal Dinner, gave us a huge wedding present, and even helped us with the downpayment for our house (and my mom co-signed because with only a per diem job, I have no income), as well as paid for our hotel room when we went down to CT for Thanksgiving. Lots of times, MH and I wonder if his mom and step-dad feel slighted or resent my parents because my parents give us more.
The only thing you can do is make it clear that it's not about the money and that you know your ILs give what they can and that you emphasize how much you enjoy spending time with them when it does happen. If they can't pay for your family to visit them, then hopefully, they'll recognize that it's just the way things are right now and that it doesn't make you and DH bad children and it doesn't make them bad parents.
Hope it all works out okay!
I fully agree with all the PP's.
It's not about choosing one or the other, it's about what you can afford to make happen, and being there for important events.
My Wedding Bio! Not updated in a LONG time!