Sex & Romance
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My husband and I have been married for a very short time but we had a very long engagement and have lived together for nearly three years. We have always enjoyed (at least I thought) a healthy sex life. My husband has never been the type of man who is "driven by sex". I don't have to worry that undressing in front of him is going to drive him wild beyond control and I have felt that this has led to some truly, physically intimate moments, sans sex. I recently had a conversation with my mother who couldn't believe that my husband didn't get physically aroused every time he saw me naked. She even went so far as to say there must be something wrong with him. I have always felt very comfortable with our sex life, but suddenly I'm having doubts. Should we get physically aroused every time we are naked together? Is this what is normal? Are we an abnormal couple???
Re: How much is too little?
Why are you even discussing this with your mom?
As in the post below, if you're happy, don't worry about it.
Not all of us men turn into raging wild animals at the first sight of a bared ankle!! It does NOT mean anything about either your husbands sex drive or about your marrieage, if he is civilised and intelligent enough to know that sexual contact is about context and situation.
I'm more concerned about the title of your post; 'How much is too little, which implies that your sex life is minimal,..which is a different problem.
This. I think your mom is making an issue out of nothing. But hey, you did make it her business.
If you and your husband are both happy with your relationship and sex life, that's all that matters. Every couple is different.
Every couple is different, some people have sex once a day and others go months. Does that mean the extremes feel there is something "wrong" with them. No! It is whatever works for each individual couple. If you feel you aren't having sex enough, communicate with your husband. You may be surprised how easily the situation is corrected.
My DH and I had sex a lot less then we do now (married just over a year) but that's mostly because we are TTC. We do it when it feels right, not because society says we need to do it X many times a month...
I agree with PP. Not every man gets aroused at the sight of a naked woman. DH and I can be in the same room, changing, and both get naked with no sex assumed.
As far as the amount of sex, that is completely between you and your husband. As long as your both happy, that's all that matters. Don't let other people's idea of what makes a good marriage make you paranoid about your own.
I think you need to consider that your husband most likely gets aroused when you undress, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to act on it. I'm sure you don't jump him each time you see him naked...though you may want to!
It sounds like you have a healthy relationship and sex life. Don't let your mom's comment make you second guess what you were feeling previously.
Does he get excited when there is a naked man naked in front of him? If the answer is yes there's your answer. If your body is like mine he should get hard everytime he sees you naked.
My first question is how often are you having sex? From the title of your post it looks like you're concerned it's too little.
Honestly I think it's probably a subject best NOT discussed with your mother. I'm only engaged (been together 2 years, getting married in June), but I'm quickly learning that once you become married your relationship should become a lot more private. I'm very close with my sister and mother, but am realizing that I don't need to share every last detail of my relationship with them like I did when I was dating.
That said, I bet you there are people on this board that will say you need to have sex every day to have a "good" sex life. There will be other people that say 1 to 2 times a week is fine, or even once a month.
Every relationship is different! As long as you're satisfied with the frequencey and so is your DH, then I think you're fine. Stop stressing about it! I think sometimes our Western culture puts too much importance on lust and passion, so we forget all the good stuff we have in our relationship. Really, sex is only a few hours (if that) out of our weekly lives!