Sex & Romance
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How much is too little?

My husband and I have been married for a very short time but we had a very long engagement and have lived together for nearly three years. We have always enjoyed (at least I thought) a healthy sex life. My husband has never been the type of man who is "driven by sex". I don't have to worry that undressing in front of him is going to drive him wild beyond control and I have felt that this has led to some truly, physically intimate moments, sans sex. I  recently had a conversation with my mother who couldn't believe that my husband didn't get physically aroused every time he saw me naked. She even went so far as to say there must be something wrong with him. I have always felt very comfortable with our sex life, but suddenly I'm having doubts. Should we get physically aroused every time we are naked together? Is this what is normal? Are we an abnormal couple??? Tongue Tied 

Re: How much is too little?

  • Why are you even discussing this with your mom?

    As in the post below, if you're happy, don't worry about it.

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  • My mom and I have a really open relationship, especially when it comes to that stuff. I've always been able to talk to her about sex, she is a wealth of information that I wouldn't have otherwise.
  • Not all of us men turn into raging wild animals at the first sight of a bared ankle!!    It does NOT mean anything about either your husbands sex drive or about your marrieage, if he is civilised and intelligent enough to know that sexual contact is about context and situation.

     

    I'm more concerned about the title of your post; 'How much is too little, which implies that your sex life is minimal,..which is a different problem.

  • imageoldbugle:

    Not all of us men turn into raging wild animals at the first sight of a bared ankle!!    It does NOT mean anything about either your husbands sex drive or about your marrieage, if he is civilised and intelligent enough to know that sexual contact is about context and situation. 

    This. I think your mom is making an issue out of nothing. But hey, you did make it her business.

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  • If you and your husband are both happy with your relationship and sex life, that's all that matters. Every couple is different.

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  • Every couple is different, some people have sex once a day and others go months.  Does that mean the extremes feel there is something "wrong" with them.  No!  It is whatever works for each individual couple.  If you feel you aren't having sex enough, communicate with your husband.  You may be surprised how easily the situation is corrected. 

    My DH and I had sex a lot less then we do now (married just over a year) but that's mostly because we are TTC.   We do it when it feels right, not because society says we need to do it X many times a month...

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  • I agree with PP.  Not every man gets aroused at the sight of a naked woman.  DH and I can be in the same room, changing, and both get naked with no sex assumed. 

    As far as the amount of sex, that is completely between you and your husband.  As long as your both happy, that's all that matters.  Don't let other people's idea of what makes a good marriage make you paranoid about your own.

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  • I think you need to consider that your husband most likely gets aroused when you undress, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's going to act on it. I'm sure you don't jump him each time you see him naked...though you may want to!

    It sounds like you have a healthy relationship and sex life. Don't let your mom's comment make you second guess what you were feeling previously.

     

  • Why would you let anybody else try to define what is and is not normal in your own relationship??  You and your husband are happy.  You were satisified with your love life and your level of intimacy until a third party insisted you shouldn't be.  I don't care if that third party was your own mother-you don't need her, or anybody else, telling you how to live your life.  What works for you and your H, may be different from what works for your mother-but that doesn't mean that it is wrong or abnormal!  It's just different. 
  • I've felt this way before, too. I always assumed that when I was just in a towel after a shower or in the middle of changing my clothes that he would easily get aroused; when he didn't as much as I thought he would, it kind of worried me. Sometimes I would get pretty upset about it and felt a little hurt. (Oversensitive!) And my DH isn't super sex-driven either, which I'm actually glad for because I'm pretty sure the polar opposite could be bad sometimes. I think I value the idea of being treasured and respected more than I would being something he wants to jump on constantly. You know?
  • Does he get excited when there is a naked man naked in front of him? If the answer is yes there's your answer. If your body is like mine he should get hard everytime he sees you naked.

  • Like many of the other comments, this is between you and your husband. That is great that you talk to your mom about topics like this. But ultimately you and your DH decide how much is too much or too little in the sex department. It sounds like you guys are happy and content with where you are. From experience, my DH and I who've been together for 5 years and married just over 1 year are comfortable enough in front of each other to get undressed without jumping all over each other. Now and again there are those moments when we do get undressed in front of each other and we do jump on each other. To each their own.
  • My first question is how often are you having sex?  From the title of your post it looks like you're concerned it's too little.

    Honestly I think it's probably a subject best NOT discussed with your mother.  I'm only engaged (been together 2 years, getting married in June), but I'm quickly learning that once you become married your relationship should become a lot more private.  I'm very close with my sister and mother, but am realizing that I don't need to share every last detail of my relationship with them like I did when I was dating.

     That said, I bet you there are people on this board that will say you need to have sex every day to have a "good" sex life.  There will be other people that say 1 to 2 times a week is fine, or even once a month.

    Every relationship is different!  As long as you're satisfied with the frequencey and so is your DH, then I think you're fine.  Stop stressing about it!  I think sometimes our Western culture puts too much importance on lust and passion, so we forget all the good stuff we have in our relationship.  Really, sex is only a few hours (if that) out of our weekly lives!

     

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