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coworker rant (long....need advice)
Background info: I take my career seriously. I strive to be professional always (respecting people, not making comments toward others that can be interpreted negatively, keeping the majority of the conversations focused on work, etc). Though I'm tend to be quiet and a little more serious at work, I'm not a stick in the mud. In all the years that I've been employed, I've only had minor issues with a 2-3 coworkers.
I have a new coworker at work who thinks he?s Mr. Funny. I don?t think he?s all that funny. But whatever. Humor is totally subjective. He seems to crack a lot of jokes in general and sometimes toward specific people. When he?s making a joke about someone, there?s a subtle dig to it. Have you ever had someone who gave you a compliment but you couldn?t tell if it was a genuine compliment or a put down?
Essentially it?s a personality conflict. I?ve tried to deal with it by keeping things professional, avoiding, and ignoring him. He?s on our reception/intake team so I do have to deal with him from time to time. But other than saying ?morning? to him and discussing work related issues with him, I don?t chit chat or make small talk with him.
However, he?s either clueless or is perverse. He seems to goes out of his way to make comments toward me or about me.
Example: I share an office with a coworker. Mr. Funny came in to discuss a client situation (client?s address was incorrect and client?s phone number was missing in our system) with Sue (we share an office). Their conversation focused on how to proceed with this client. There was no way to contact this client and the conclusion of the conversation was that they?ll wait to see if client contacts the agency. On his way out, Mr. Funny commented ?Maybe Maya has a magic 8 ball?. I just snapped, ?no?. And Mr. Funny cackled on the way out the door.
That was just an example. He's made other comments toward me, about me that I considered to be irrelevant.
How do I deal with him? Ignoring him doesn't seem to work. I work in a small company, there's only about 30 employees. Mr. Funny and I report to different supervisors too.
I thought about sending him a politely worded email essentially telling him that I don't appreciate his cracks and comments about me. That I would prefer that we keep the conversations professional and focused on work. Any suggestions on how to word it?
He's getting on my last nerves and I want to nip it in the bud soon before I blow up at him.
Re: coworker rant (long....need advice)
i'm sorry but if you're upset about that... um, i dont' know if i can help you because getting mad about that DOES make you sound like a stick in the mud.
he didn't insult you. he didn't take a dig on you. he just tried to include you by cracking a joke. no harm, no foul.
can you come up with a different example? because this isn't one that would make me think you should say something to him.
have other people commented negatively about his behavior?
I have to agree with strength here. That "dig" doesn't sound like a dig at all to me and makes you sound a bit like a pouty pants. Sorry. Maybe you have another example??
As a side note - if you have an interpersonal conflict with a co-worker, I personally think it is best if you talk to them about it directly rather than emailing it. Email is so impersonal and it is sometimes challenging to understand exactly what someone meant by reading it on a flat piece of paper (or screen) without voice inflection or body language to back up the words. It will only serve to make things worse in my humble opinion.
Ditto everyone else. I'm failing to see how what he said was a dig in any way. Unless he said "Maybe big fat hairy smelly Maya has a Magic 8 ball" then I don't see his comment being a problem. *shrugs*
If he's just cracking harmless stupid jokes then I don't think you can really do anything about it. If he's saying things that attack your character, are sexual in nature, sabotage your work, or something along those lines then you might have a case.
I too agree that your example doesn't sound like a dig at all. Now, perhaps because of your history with this guy, it bugged you, but I fail to see the veiled insult. Sounds like he was trying to include you in the conversation with a little joke. If you don't think he's funny, that's fine, but I have to say that the example does make you sound like a stick in the mud.
And frankly, if he's a jokester, and you react poorly, he might be egged on just a bit by your sour attitude and joke with you more to try to get you to lighten up a little. I'd try to reframe your attitude and realize that he's being NICE to you or trying to include you. There's little worse at work than the one person who thinks it is totally inappropriate to ever talk about anything outside of work.
This may not be what you want to hear, and for that I'm sorry, but if it stops you from sending that email, then I think it will be helpful. Please, please, please, if you feel like you must talk to him, do it face to face. Do not put anything in writing that you wouldn't be ok with ending up in front of your CEO and on the internet on some website like passive aggressive notes.
thanks ladies for your comments and suggestions. it's good to hear other perspectives. lol...i'm really not a stick in the mud despite how this post came across.
in this particular situation, i had my back to him, was not participating in the conversation, and the conversation had nothing to do with me. this is not the first time he's made comments that i felt were unnecessary.
i think we got off to a bad start and things have gone down hill.
several posters asked about other remarks: a couple weeks ago, he commented, "you're being nice today, is it because you were late?" as I was assisting him with one of his duties. i can't think of anything else at the moment.
sometimes it's not what he says but his tone. and obviously, i'm not able to duplicate or properly convey the tone of the comment here
another poster asked if i was the only one with the issue.....i did overhear him apologzing to another coworker regarding comments that he has made.
so thanks again for your suggestions. i'm not going to email him.
Some random sales guy who I barely know came into my office last week and said something stupid and inappropriate that he clearly thought would be funny. I just gave him a raised eyebrow and stared at him without saying a word until he walked away. He has not said a word to me since.
Looks of superiority usually do the trick. Eyes closed with your head slightly shaking. Loud sighs. This is how I make people feel ashamed.
Judging
Judging
but it makes me LUV you!
I think this is good advice, mainly because it has worked for me.
A former co-worker would make jokes and comments that were insulting and rude like that's an ugly dress, is this your office, why are you walking by here. It pissed me off and hurt at first but I reached a point where I started joking and making comments back and it amazingly stopped. Even more amazing, we became very good friends and she was really a nice person. Go figure.
Tired after a long morning of hiking and swimming.