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*sigh*
So we just had two of our friends over to visit, DH's best man and his girlfriend. They told us that they just found out yesterday that they are pregnant. And don't get me wrong, I'm super excited for them, they aren't married yet, not that theres anything wrong with having kids before being married, but I really wanted to cry.
Please don't get me wrong, I really am excited for them...but I want a baby soooo badly. And I know that DH isn't even remotely ready for children any time in the near future. I'm glad that when he is ready that he does want kids at least, but right now it just kills me to have to wait 5+ years when I want to have a baby right now.
Sorry if this came off as selfish..I just didn't really have anyone else to vent to because DH sure doesn't understand...*sigh* it's just not fair
Re: *sigh*
big (hugs) It's ok. you can vent. quite a few people on here have already stated they get jealous too. Hopefully you can talk it over with DH and maybe come to a compromise for both of you. Maybe he will be ready earlier than 5 years. you never know.
p.s. i'll give you mine to borrow. lol
haha idk how willing DH is to compromise. He wants to wait until he is done with school, which is 1 more year of masters and then 5 years of doctorate. He says that he won't have time for kids being in school which I really do understand, I really do. But the other part of me is like ...6 more years...
I think part of it is that we've been together 5 years already so I guess thats part of why I'm so antsy too, but I want to be a mother and to have a family that isn't just fur babies. He wants to have kids but it doesn't seem like as bad as I do. Maybe its just a girl thing?
I understand your frustrations but don't forget. You are still really young! I mean, you're what, 22/23 right? You have plenty of time for kids! I know 5 years sounds like a long time, but you won't even be 30 by that time....still plenty young!
Please don't think by any means that I'm being mean....that's not at all how this was intendent. I know how you're feeling too - we will be waiting until sometime in 2012 for kids and one of DH's closest friends' wife is about 6 weeks pregnant. As much as I would like to have kids sooner, I know we're not in the best position to do so.
Your DH does have a point - he wants to make sure that he'll be able to help you and spend as much time with the kiddos as he can. And if he's getting his doctorate he wouldn't be able to do that. You don't want to end up resenting him for not being around when the kids are born/young.
Plus - think of all the fun things that you and your DH get to do all by yourselves!! You will be able to enjoy being married, just the two of you. That's something to be cherished too!
I am sorry that this upset you. But I don't blame you guys for waiting until your DH is done with school. It is not that your DH does not want kids, this would be a different situation, he just wants to wait until the timing is better. I know of people who have had kids while still in school, and it adds such a challenge to raising kids. You are planning and considering these things by waiting. You do still have lots of time. You are young and this means you do not have to rush. I agree, enjoy the time you have with just your husband!
DH and I are currently working really hard to save and get most things financially situated so that we feel we are ready for kids. Because I am already 32, we do want to start trying in the fall. I used to think that I wanted to wait 3-5 years after getting married, but that was when I was in my 20s.
Try to focus on your happiness for your friends and the enjoyment you and your DH can have for the next few years!
Awww, I'm sorry! *Hugs* Even though we are waiting to have babies, I know that kind of information might sting me a little, too. I don't think that you sound selfish, a child is something great to want.
I have to say that I do agree with PPs, though. Being young still, we should take time to enjoy having just wife and DH time. Once a child comes, that will change for a very long time! There are many things that just the two of you could still experience. Some days, I really want to start having a family, but then I think how much time we have- the rest of our lives really! And then I remember to really enjoy what we have now.
We are in a similar situation, as DH still has to finish school. I don't think we are going to TTC for another 5 years either. We can wait together!
And, when we do have babies, we will be ready, and it will be wonderful!
I won't tell you the good things of children, that will give you baby fever. I will tell you what you miss out on though.
Sleep, with a new born you are constantly feeding especially if you breast feed, i was feeding every 45 to hour and a half. It gets better, but till 6 months you still feed quite frequently. We had to switch to formula because my son started rejecting me after he got the bottle so i could get more than an hour sleep. You breasts leak and ache all the time and have to constantly change the pads.
Time with each other. We don't get time alone, it's difficult just to get out of the house. To see a movie we make sure it's been out for a couple weeks so no one is in the theater that way if our son is too fussy it doesn't bother people. (we don't do that though, we got netflix) Still date night is an amazing night together! We cherish every minute. its still few and far between
Sex, we are so exhausted we maybe have sex once a week. Even if we are in the mood... the boy finds a way to make it known he's still here. lol
A clean house, nice things. They get destroyed and quite frequently. I miss my nice things, very much. Do not have objects on counters or areas that are climable.
Time to shower or pee. Children think it's a portal somewhere and when you enter you will not return.
time to yourself. it goes out the window. Mommy time is not known, your child is your time. They do not know what it means for mommy to get peace and quiet. If you ignore your child they will repeat themselves over and over and get louder and louder until you respond.
You live in frequent panic, when you hear silence you need to find your child he/she may be into something, or climbing something.
Hope this makes you feel better. I do love my son, I wouldn't change it for the world. Just enjoy your time now. I miss it sometimes. Especially the other day when he colored the entire wall behind my glider with green crayon.
Thanks Ladies!
Lauren I def don't think you were being mean!! and Deb thank you for all your things to make me wait to have kids haha. I know that in the long run I will be happy waiting its just hard when it feels like everyone around us is having babies before me.
5 years does seem like a long time, but I've also been with DH for 5 years and it doesn't feel like its been that long looking back on it now. Its just...gah!!! I hope 5 years goes by fast! Thanks for letting me vent ladies!!
Just think....you can live out your baby fever through your BM and his girlfriend without being pregnant!
You can learn from them and their experiences too which will be beneficial for you when you do get pregnant.
I totally understand. We'll be waiting around 5 more years too for DH to finish dental school and get established. It's a pain because all my friends are TTC and buying houses, and we definitely aren't in the position to do so. But lately, I've been coming to see how nice it will be to have those years to ourselves, especially because we're only 24/25 now. We have plenty of time to catch up.
Plus, I want to be able to do some awesome traveling. For some reason I'm dying to go somewhere wild, like Africa, and you can't take a kid there.
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