Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Married six months, sex still sometimes painful?
DH and I waited to have sex, and it was pretty painful for me initially. Things started to get significantly better about 2 months in, but fairly often it's still pretty bad, just a sensation of being too 'tight' I suppose.
Is this something that we're going to deal with for a long time, or are we doing something wrong? We still don't really take our time very often, which I know could be a contributing factor. We use lots of lube, is there anything else we can do to help this?
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: Married six months, sex still sometimes painful?
i would talk with your doctor about this. it shouldn't really hurt still, though i suppose it could, but there may be an underlying medical issue.
am i the only one that didn't have painful sex the very first time? is this one of those things that typically happens to those that waited, as opposed to us heathens that were messing around before having sex? i'm just curious. it's said all the time on this board about painful sex, and i've never had it happen.
Ditto visiting your obgyn. It is possible that your hymen has not been completely opened and your doctor can take care of that quickly.
Secondly, you may need more foreplay. Foreplay just isn't to get you a bit wet, it is meant to give you body some warning that sex is going to occur so that your vagina can get ready for penetration. Is your husband performing oral sex on you? Is he penetrating you with his fingers? Both of those will get you more ready for penile penetration.
Next, does the discomfort of sex start from first penetration or do you get sore after a period of time in intercourse? If the pain is early in penetration, you may need more prep time. If you are getting sore as intercourse continues, you may need more lubrication after 5-10 minutes.
I think to an extent I probably answered my own question, because now that I think about it, when we do take our time with foreplay it doesn't hurt at all. We just get so excited to get started, haha.
If we don't take our time, the mildest it gets is just some initial pain that subsides pretty quickly, and recently there is some pain later on as well, which I think is due to using condoms because I had the flu and was concerned about that affecting my bcp.
Maybe the answer is just more foreplay. I will check with a doctor to be sure though.
I was actually going to post something similar to this post. It's been almost a year for us and it still hurts starting out, too. I want to be able to have sex without having to use the lube but we still have to use it to make us both comfortable. Has anyone heard of anything besides using lube? Like something that helps create natural lubrication?
I'm with you on this cadala. I love foreplay, too but sometimes we don't have the time to devote to a long foreplay session to get revved up. We want to hop right in.
Thank you everyone, for your replies!
I learned something interesting, I have a sister who is 9 years older, so I finally decided to ask her. She had exactly the same thing happen, and can't remember how long it took, but it eventually got better. It was such a relief to hear that it might just be the way my body is. She felt like everything just needed "stretched out" I suppose.
And candy4steve, I can't imagine not using lube! That might be because I'm on birth control and that seems to work differently for me now. You might try Just Like Me from Pure Romance, I picked us some and don't use it often, but you can put it on in the morning, and supposedly even the smallest amount of moisture your body creates gets multiplied by that stuff even later in the day.
It took me about six months to have pain free sex, and now I'm at a point where we hardly ever use lubrication (since we feel more friction and closer that way) or sometimes don't have much foreplay and it doesn't hurt one bit! I think from what you're describing you probably just need more time for your body to adjust... I don't think it sounds nearly as serious as vaginismus - you're probably just more petite than the norm like I was so you're going to take longer to fully stretch out.
This advice is good
I don't think it's just the curse of those who "waited." Some women do suffer from dryness and this can cause burning and pain. This product came highly recommended: http://www.preseed.com/
Others may suffer from vaginismus as another person pointed out or in some cases, a pelvic floor that needs stretching (this can be done with physical therapy). I agree... talk to the ob/gyn!
I speak as someone married only a few months ago (so not in any way the expert) but my man & I also waited.
Things were also pretty painful for me (including tears of pain & frustration at times!) Have you read any books on the topic? I really recommend 'A Celebration of Sex' - it is a fantastic book on all accounts but talks about pain during sex.
The book led me to realise that the pain in the beginning was due to multiple reasons (worry about it hurting, not relaxing muscles, not enough playing prior etc) and mine was not physical. Once I realise that anxiety actually blocks the pleasure feelings we changed things...spend more time playing, made it full of laughter & fun etc...things have improved dramatically and quickly! Just needed to get out of the cycle of expecting it to hurt.
Sometimes reading the internet makes it worse...for a while I thought something was seriously wrong with me.
My husband and I also waited, and it hurt like the dickens for a while for me too!
Ultimately I just needed to take the time and learn how to relax completely, take a deep breath and exhale and relax all your muscles beforehand.
Lubricant helps a lot,but when you take your time with each other beforehand as well the need for extra lube can dwindle and you'll be good to go all on your own!
Relaxing is key, and clearing your mind!