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family drama (long, but maybe interesting)
Holy crap, it's super long.
Lots of drama with DH's family lately. DH has three brothers (using initials), WS (age ~36), JU (28-30), and JK (18-20). DH is between WS and JU. WS has a house about 100 feet from MIL's, where his wife and kids live. He works in the city and stays there most of the time. There are two sisters, KH and DC, who still live with MIL (there are also 6 sisters who are married). They are in primary school (grades 1-8). They are probably about 14 & 16 or so. JU doesn't go home very often. JK is will be a junior in HS in the coming school year, which starts in a few weeks. There's no HS nearby, so he boards at the school.
DH has sent money to WS on three occasions for him to use to fix up MIL's house, build a latrine, and build a water tank (the nearest well is 2 miles away). Actually WS and the uncles were being entrusted to do the building. Each time, the improvements or construction was not done, and the money went unaccounted for. We don't know what they did with it. We decided WS is not trustworthy.
About a year ago, KH got pregnant. WS wanted to kick MIL and both sisters out of their house because of this. He was a pastor and was embarrassed (he teaches HS now). He said that the land was his, and they had to leave. Since FIL is dead, WS is kind of the head of the family, except at that time two of FIL's brothers were living (only one is left now). So DH called his uncles, they had a conference, and it was decided that WS can't force MIL & SILs to leave.
A couple of months later, one of the women WS works with showed up pregnant. She identified him as the father. We were sad for his wife and kids, but kind of felt like it served him right for how he treated MIL & SILs. His wife moved back to her parents' house with the kids, and they weren't there when we visited, though WS was. She has since returned.
So, JK called DH a couple of months ago, asking what we thought about him transferring schools. It was then that we realized that MIL was using the grocery money we gave her to pay his tuition. WS worked with us to research which school would be best for JK, which surprised us.
Then, we found out that DC had a baby, too. She was pregnant when we were there in August, but we didn't know. DH called WS, and they had a long conversation. WS thought that DH was undermining his authority by supporting MIL financially and thereby supporting the two girls going to night clubs all the time, when we didn't even know that they were doing that. When WS would tell the sisters that they shouldn't be doing that, they would tell him, "It doesn't matter what you say because Rodgers sends us money." One of their sisters? husbands was spreading rumors that DH has a plot of land somewhere secret where he will move MIL, and she will live in luxury. DH put an end to that rumor. WS thought that DH was avoiding him; DH thought WS was avoiding him. It was really good that they finally got everything sorted out. I'm still leery of trusting WS too much, but we seem to be on the same side.
Last week, all hell broke loose.
JU's wife came to WS and MIL and said that he spent all his time and money on beer and marijuana, and wasn't supporting her and the 5 kids. They took her and filed whatever was necessary for the equivalent of making him pay her child support, though they aren't divorced.
One night this week, JU took JK with him and confronted WS and MIL about this accusation. He threw some punches at WS, JK sat back and watched, and MIL just walked away. Later, we found out from their cousin that this was all planned in advance. After the fight, JU told WS that he was going to come back and beat up WS's wife and kids.
The next morning, they all met together with some cousins. Turns out that JU and JK both thought that WS wouldn't let them have any of the family land. They've never even asked him about it. They just planned to have a fight so that he'd be forced to do whatever they wanted, and the child support thing was a good excuse. WS said that of course they are entitled to their portion of the family land. They sat down and divided the land up between the four brothers. (Which means DH and I are now land owners, sort of.)
JK called DH the day after WS told us about the land. DH asked him how things are going at home, but didn't mention the fight. JK said, "Oh, everyone's fine."
So then, another cousin works in government somehow. He found out that DC had a baby, and that the father was someone she met at a nightclub. Since she's so young, he's definitely in some trouble, but not being from an affluent family, they never thought that they could do anything about it. The cousin arranged whatever legal documents were necessary, ensuring that DC and one of her friends from school (who's in the same situation) and their babies would have medical care, and the fathers would pay for all that, plus child support.
DH told MIL that he doesn't see how he can keep supporting her if she's letting his sisters run wild and get pregnant at such young ages. And oddly enough, we sent money to WS again, so that he can move his wife and kids where JU can't find them, although, I don't think JU will do anything to them now that he has his piece of land.
Re: family drama (long, but maybe interesting)
Holy crap that's a lotta family drama.
That sucks the sisters are young and getting pregnant and running wild. And to be a half a world away, Rogers has to be angry and frustrated.
Ugh.....
Could you continue to send the money to the relative in the gov't and hope that he allocates the funds properly?
Holy good grief. It has to be really frustrating for Rodgers that he's so far away and can't see what's going on firsthand and help. But man...
It is kind of interesting to see stuff that happens everywhere, like teen pregnancy and family battles over money and property, mixed with the Kenyan dynamic of family meetings and how property works out there.
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I'm shocked that there is public shame in teenage pregnancies in Kenya. I just assumed that it was the public norm to start having children around 16-20.
Why the shame with birth control? Religious beliefs?
Rodgers really wants to give his older brother a chance to prove that he's turned over a new leaf.
I think it probably is rooted in religion. It's like, if you use birth control, it's because the person you're having sex with is not your spouse, and that's not socially acceptable, even though that means the majority of the population is socially unacceptable.
Rodgers once told me that married people in Kenya need a reason to have sex, they can't just do it because they want to. If you have sex with someone who's not your spouse, I guess you can do it just because you want to. A reason for sex would be like: moving into a new house, buying new furniture, husband coming home from a business trip, birth (of a relative, but not your own child), death (of a relative), wedding (of a relative or your own).
Married people definitely don't use birth control because they want to have lots of kids, even though they can't always afford them.