lost my sex drive...help me please!

amianne420 · January 2011

I went on BC about 2 years ago and went through several different pills. About 5 I think. Finally this past August I decided to go off completely. I was slipping into a depression and my sex drive was completely gone. My fiance had to literally force me. I wanted to do it, but my drive just wasn't there. So I went off the pill. Well, I'm not depressed anymore, but I still have no sex drive. I am not and never really ever was a very sexual person, but I love my fiance very much and want to be able to WANT to have sex with him. When we are doing it, everything is great, but I am never the one to initiate it. We are only having sex about once or twice a month and it is usually right after my period. He just gets excited and knows that we can do it again and so I do it. I read about this "vitamin" type thing that women can take (kinda like viagra) to boost their sex drive but I am too afraid to put that into my body considering what the BC did. So I'm asking for any advice on how to get my drive back. I'm only 27 and I'm getting married in July and then we will be starting to try to have kids. I don't want to be doing it just so we can conceive. I want to do it because I want to do it. I just need to get my parts to want to do it!!! Help me please! I'm desperate!

karleegirl · January 2011

You have to talk to your doctor. If you don't have a good gyn doc you can talk to...switch to another. If this vitamin worked it would probably be a prescription, vitamins and herbs dont have to prove to the fda that they really work so they put them over the counter. (there are some otc things that work, but as a general rule this is a way around the proof). I have been married about 5 months but we have lived together for 4 years and have a child. I thought maybe my b.c. was affecting my sex drive too. My doc checked my hormone levels and some other things. every thing checked out ok, so I sat down and talked to my sweet non romantic husband and told him the deal. I need some extra romance if you want sex. It has gotten better. It feels less of a chore, and im enjoying it again.

yellowt2001 · January 2011

I have no advice but just wanted to say that I completely understand what you are going through. I love sex and used to initiate all the time, now its very hard for me to. I do want it but the BCP took my sex drive and drove it off a cliff.

Maybe try dressing sexy in some new lingerie or panty set and walk past your hubby to get things going. I have found that if I know I look sexy then I can dangle it in front of my H to come get it. He does not usually but that's a different issue for a different day.

laneygirl_wc · January 2011

I can completely feel your pain! I am right there in the same boat with you. At first I thought that it was maybe my BC. I have been off since Sept and I'm happy I went off but the sex drive is still not there. About a year ago, my doctor and gyno both said I had IBS. That was pretty painful to deal with. I feel that that might have helped in not wanting to have sex anymore but I don't really have any issues with that anymore but I still have no sex drive. I have worried about this issue and cried multiple times about it. I have went through numerous tests to see if there is something else going on and everything comes back okay. I have been married for almost 3 years and my DH and I are talking about conceiving but I feel the same way you do. I don't want to be having sex just so we can conceive. I want to have sex because I want to have it. I totally understand what you are going through!! Sorry I don't have any ideas but I would love to hear them if you find out anything!

I am interested in this "vitamin" type thing you've heard of. Do you know what it's called? Maybe it's worth a shot. I know how you feel though. You are probably willing to try anything. I wish you luck!

Da0419 · January 2011

Wow, I'm pretty much having the same problems as you are right now. I'm 27, my husband & I have been married for about a year, but I got off the pill about a year ago & have zero sex drive. I read somewhere that you need to just do it. Make a point to have sex on a regular basis. I think that just getting into the habit of thinking about sex will make you want to do it more & once you get the idea routinely in your head, then you can start experimenting with it again. Our big problem is that we had to move in with my parents, so the thought of having sex right above them, where they can probably hear every bed creak is a definite libido killer!! Good luck!

lovely&bones · January 2011

Da0419:
Wow, I'm pretty much having the same problems as you are right now. I'm 27, my husband & I have been married for about a year, but I got off the pill about a year ago & have zero sex drive. I read somewhere that you need to just do it. Make a point to have sex on a regular basis. I think that just getting into the habit of thinking about sex will make you want to do it more & once you get the idea routinely in your head, then you can start experimenting with it again. Our big problem is that we had to move in with my parents, so the thought of having sex right above them, where they can probably hear every bed creak is a definite libido killer!! Good luck!

Same situation. We live with my parents. 'Nough said.

Amanda.Rob · January 2011

Well ladies I'm gonna jump on the ban-wagon too. We redecorated our bedroom together, and it sure looks sexy. But nothing sexy is happening in there. I was on BC for 6 years, and at first my sex drive was there but just in the last year it has more or less "got in a car and drove off a cliff". I read the same thing about how if you start scheduling it and doing it all the time the drive will come back. But it seems like everytime a good opportunity arrises there's just to uumph to get the ball rolling. The H and I have talked about this, but he feels the same way, just no drive.

So my conclusion... new year = new (better) sex drive

shasta5686 · January 2011

Well I have to say that I have Been on BC for 10 years and always had a good sex drive my husband and I have been together for 7 years and just got married about almost 2 years ago and ever since we got married I have no sex drive and it was never like that before. So I sat him down and told him iI needed time with him and for him to show more affection before i could just have sex, I have noticed that since we talked about it and we made 4P a bigger part of our sexlife then it was that sex has become more intimate and more enjoyable. Now I actually have a Sex drive! I dont know if men think once you get married that sex is a given wether they work for it or not just because you said I DO! I want to be treated like when we were dating, suprised and have romantic evenings and treat each time like its the first it makes it way more exciting. So maybe just talking to your men will help they are more understanding about these things then I would have thought!

MoniqueDavis · January 2011

You don't need meds for a good sex drive. You can open a bottle of wine, light some scented candles and just hang out a home, have a romantic dinner, watch a movie! And you can always buy scented massage oils or regular lotion and let him give you a massage! Try it!

MoniqueDavis · January 2011

You don't need meds for a good sex drive. You can open a bottle of wine, light some scented candles and just hang out a home, have a romantic dinner, watch a movie! And you can always buy scented massage oils or regular lotion and let him give you a massage! Try it!

KareMHatt84 · January 2011

amianne420:
... I was slipping into a depression and my sex drive was completely gone. My fiance had to literally force me. I wanted to do it, but my drive just wasn't there.

I especially empathize with this part of your story. Here's the thing, for me giving in when I'm not in the mood = massive amounts of pain. Mrs. V is a sensitive organ and she needs a lot of lubrication. My mind created an association between sex and pain. Thereafter for almost a year, even if I was in the mood, I had pain. Would you believe, I had to re-learn how to enjoy sex?

These kinds of experiences will harm your ability to recover, so my recommendation is to not force it again. Please see your GYN, and ignore the poster who suggested that all you need is candles and wine. Relaxation is only one part of it. I highly doubt she's experienced what you're talking about, or she wouldn't have made such a simplistic suggestion.

yourname · January 2011

I am pretty much having the same issues... I've been on my BC for about 3 years now, and I have noticed that as time goes on, the less and less drive I have for sex, and now I have lost all of my drive... I still want to have sex, but I just lack the drive and when we are in foreplay it is hard for me to get turned on... Not because of issues with my DH at all, everything is perfect, it's just the damn pills. I also have been going through a bit of depression lately, and am starting to suspect it is the pills as well, because there is nothing in my life that should be making me feel down... I see my doctor on the 24th... We will see what happens... I would love to be back to my fiesty sex craving self and hope the doctor will be able to help me...

lost my sex drive...help me please!

Re: lost my sex drive...help me please!

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