October 2010 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Low Self-Esteem
Sara's post got me thinking, and it made me happy for you girls, but sad for me.
Mostly because I have terribly low self-esteem, to the point where I think it affects my relationship with DH.
Does anyone else have/had these issues? I want so badly to fix this, but I don't know how.
Re: Low Self-Esteem
I'm in the same boat. I'm horribly overweight, my skin looks like sh!t again and in general, I just don't feel attractive. Joe LOVES me for who I am, overweight and all, bless him, but I feel really sh!tty lately.
Brooke, I think you're stunning, I'd pay money to look like you. And for that matter, half the girls on here. Just a lil bit ago I was looking at your siggy wishing I looked as amazing in my wedding dress as you did. I guess everyone wants what they don't have, right?
Let's look at the positive like Sara said, while I'm by no means perfect, I know my mom thinks I'm beautiful, and so does my husband. I have really cool eyes that change color, my hair looks good at any length, and I do, like I said last night, have gimungo boobs, back pains be damned.
And to be honest, I don't know how to fix it either, I've felt this way since I was a teenager, and have just lived with it.
Oh Brooke, this makes me so sad because there are sooo many women out there who would give anything to look like you. I grew up wanting to look just like you...tall, skinny, blonde hair; however, I ended up with brown hair and grew out instead of up lol.
I don't know whether you have low self-esteem because of physical things or internal things, but either way, you need to learn to love you for you!
Little side story. I turned 21 before most of my friends, so for my 21st birthday, I went out with one friend, my Mom, and a friend of her's named Frank. I never really liked Frank (and still don't) for various reasons, but let him come because he said he'd be the DD. I didn't know this before hand, but apparently he had said something to my Mom about my weight and said there was no way I could be happy being the size that I was (nice guy, huh?). Anyway, after going out with me for my birthday, seeing me dance in the middle of a crowded dance floor, and seeing me make friends with random people, he apologized to my Mom and told her he was wrong, that I gave off more self confidence than most women he'd ever met. So the moral of the story is, it's not about how you look (or how you think you look), it's not about how other's look at you, but it's about deep down who you really are, that is what will always shine through at the end and that's where your confidence comes from. So look deep in you, make yourself remember what truly makes you great, and let that come through and you'll feel so much better.
Xan, what an amazing thing to say! Awesome job.
But I hear you, Brooke, about it sometimes interfering in my marriage. Possible TMI, but there are times when I catch sight of myself when we're being intimate, and I just turn myself off. When Ross and I first started dating (6.5 years ago), I was about 55ish pounds lighter. So having this extra weight just makes me feel so unattractive. And it's worse when I see pictures, it's like I forget how heavy I really am, until I see pictures. Then I'm like..... ouch. I didn't want to be a fat bride. I did a lot of "creative cropping" with wedding pictures to try and cut out my gut.
I don't want to feel this way, and like Sara said, no one likes "chick negativity," though I catch myself saying bad things about myself, like if I point it out, it won't be as bad as someone else saying/thinking something. And I really like the idea of focusing on the positive. Like, I'm down about 15 pounds from my heaviest (last winter-spring). Which means I'm wearing LAST year's size, which makes me feel pretty darned good. It's not my "goal" (if you can call it that, I'm lazy about it) jeans, but it's better.
Thinking on the positive, that's why I thought I'd add myself to the things list on Thoughts Thursday (1. something about someone on the board 2. something about someone "irl" and 3. something about myself).
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Bio ~ A Bride's Guide to VistaPrint * www.vistaprint-goddess.weebly.com
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<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v37/thesorceresshermione/sigs/?action=view
I'll be the first to admit I'm guilty of this too, but people (especially women) use far too much fat talk. We often focus on weight and not health. When a friend loses a bunch of weight we tend to comment on how thin she looks, and not on how much healthier she is since she has been working out more.
Low self-esteem is something I have also dealt with, and not always because of my looks. I think at this point in my life my self-esteem is fairly good, but it does take a hit when I gain weight (damn you holiday pounds!) and/or experience failures in school/work. As far as weight goes I try to focus on being healthy (diabetes runs in my family, so that is a big motivator to not become overweight), and DH (partially by my request) is putting me on an exercise routine this year, and I look forward to how much more energy I will have when I am in better shape, as I'm sick and tired of being exhausted all the time. Having a sexier bod is just an added bonus if I am able to actually stick with an exercise routine :-)
Brooke, if you are more specific, perhaps I/we can offer some better advise for your situation.
Trip to Prague & bring home furbaby when we get back
~ Karen ~
**Wedding/House/Travel Bio **
I remember in elementary school when we first learned about self-esteem and i thought "i need to get some of that". I think its a problem that way to many of us face today. I will say negative things about my personality or about my body, and Ahmed get 'angry'. He says 'I don't like anyone speaking bad about my baby.'
He and i work to try to improve my self-esteem. At one point, many years ago i had positive messages posted around my apartment to try and reinforce positive thinking. I think it helped. Now once a day (most days), he will ask me to list on think i like about myself. Rather it be physical or mental. Some one can compliment you all day long, but the more important compliment comes from you.
I have this conversation with Clinton. Being a grad student, teaching two sections of undergrad bio, and having been on Zoloft for the last few years, he's put on bit of weight since we met. He gets really down on himself, and I basically tell him that I'm not cool with ANYONE talking about my husband that way.
And Brooke, I'm so sad to read that you can't think of anything nice to say about yourself, especially since you're someone I think is just beautiful. You have an adorable figure, pretty blonde hair & such a happy smile. I wish you could see what other people see when they look at you, but I think that's kind of a common issue with a lot of girls, right? Anyway, DH just walked by & I showed him your picture (for backup, haha). He said, "She's really cute. Tell her if I wasn't married & saw her out, I'd definitely buy her a drink."
Morals of this story: One, Brooke, you're gorgeous. And two, my husband is a creeper.
ten-tenners' may siggy: me & mama on my wedding day
What's LittleMissNewlywed Cooking?
LOL! Totally made me laugh out loud.
I wrote out something last night, but the Nest wasn't working for me.
Anywho, thanks everyone. It's not just about physical apperance, I say dumb things that I know I wouldn't if I had more confidence in myself (in regards to DH). I wish there was an easy fix, but it's nice to know others suffer too (well, not nice to know as in that's good, but nice to know as in I'm not alone).
I keep this all to myself, my friends and family don't know how low my self esteem is. I'm certainly not that type that goes, "I'm fat, I'm ugly" to anyone, because that doesn't help in the least.
I just needed a place to vent, and you ladies are great