Family Matters
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hyphenate name with suffix?
My dilema: I kept my name when I got married and my husband is totally fine with it. Now we are thinking about kids and I was hoping we could hyphenate their last names - this way there is an obvious, written connection to both parents for school, travel, legal, etc issues. However, my husband is a "IV" and if we have a son, wants him to be the "V". Using a hyphenated last name kind of negates this, for example if William James Smith IV had a son named William James Smith-Brown, he would not be the "V" as the name has changed. I understand wanting to pass down his name, but I still do not want to lose my name. Any suggestions?
Re: Hyphenate name with suffix?
Well, I hate jr/sr's, etc, so I may not be a good one to answer.
However, I also am not a fan of hypenated names. I have a friend who had one as a child and she couldn't wait to get married to get rid of it. I was amazed at how many people she ran into who didn't "get" it. She would be asked how it's spelled, she would say "Smith hypen Jones", then they would ask "how do you spell hyphen?". she started saying "dash" instead, and STILL had the problem.
I passed my maiden name down by giving it to my son as a middle name. If you want to keep your name in the family, this would be my personal suggestion.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Agreed. Just give your kids your husbands last name. I hyphenated my last name with my husbands, but our kids are taking his last name, hyphenated last names are just not fair to kids. Y'all are still going to be a family, why are you so against having his last name for your kids?
Funny story for you ECB, since you mentioned your hatred of Sr/Jr, etc... I hate Sr. and Jr., especially since my FIL is a sr. and dh is a jr. (and they have horrible names imo). So when SIL got pregnant a few years ago she was originally told she was having a boy, and she announced it was going to be the III. (i.e.: FIL and dh's names, even though obviously the baby's father doesn't have those names). Dh was quite upset, I was amused (she's a trainwreck, clearly). Anyways, during an ultrasound the technician starts referring to the baby as a she, and SIL flips. Yup, she ended up with a girl. I always thought it was weird that she was told she was having a boy since she was only like 11 weeks along, but I don't have kids nor have I ever been pregnant so I have no idea if that's normal or not.
You're really ok with a potential son being the FIFTH? That is a little excessive to me. Realy anything beyond Jr causes my eyes to roll. Unless your husband's family is Royalty...
I'd say no 5th and no hyphen. That's too much for a little kid, IMO.
And no, she couldn't know at 11 weeks that she was having a boy. Was she really told this, or was it just wishful thinking?
I used to have a friend who always bragged about how she always got the gender right when guessing what people were going to have. It went along w/ her "I was BORN to be a MOM!" thing she had going (insert *** roll eyes*** here). When she got PG w/ her 2nd, she started talking girls names, just KNEW it was a girl, etc. They didn't even bother w/ boys names (you know where this is going...).
Low and behold, she gives birth, and out pops a boy. I about keeled over in laughter when I heard. So much for her "always getting it right"!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Unlike PP, I completely understand why you want your kids to have your last name incorporated somehow. The kids could have your last name - especially since H wants the boy not yet born to have his first and middle names.
I agree with PPs on the hypenating the last names. Good in theory, but bad in practice. I have never met anyone with a hypenated last name (given to them at birth) that wasn't completely annoyed by it.
I work with kids and a few of them have hyphenated names. They thing is that they end up being called by only one of the names anyhow. When I tried to put them in alphabetical order I had a bunch of parents wanting to know why it wasn't done by the second last name (I had treated the hyphenated name like one word and gone by the first letter of it).
Friends of ours came up with a solution to this- when they got married, they both took a new last name and used their original names in their professions (both had really established themselves under their original names, they both felt a strong identity to it, etc.) When their son was born, he shared the new last name with his parents. Just tossing that out there as an option.
As a teacher (and with doing stacks and stacks of paperwork on each child, all the time) I've got to say I'm also not a fan of either the Sr./ Jr. thing or the hyphenated last names. I am absolutely on board with the wanting to pass on a connection to a child by their name, but there are some practical considerations to keep in mind. I also get a lot of flack if I alphabetize something by the "wrong" last name (I always do it by the first last name) or get documents sent to me from other departments with the wrong last name or having it hyphenated incorrectly. It's honestly easier to figure out the connection when Mr. Smith and Ms. Brown are the parents of Billy Smith than it is to constantly correct people on who is a Smith-Brown or Brown-Smith.
And (while this is years in the future but bears mentioning after all the paperwork I've done at work today!!!), if WIlliam James Smith-Brown grows up and falls in love with Jane Rybczynski- Bryce, who wants her children to share her last name too, are they going to be the Smith-Brown-Rybczynski-Bryces, or drop two of the names and re-hyphenate, or pick one last name for everybody? I have a similar situation with one of my students, who is a member of the Smith-Brown-Rybczynski-Bryce family, but the parents have since divorced, the mom remarried, and now there's a fifth last name in the mix, with every member of the household having a different configuration of a hyphenated last name. No matter what I say when I call, I am guaranteed to address someone incorrectly and tick them off. It is not fun.
Why not husband's first, middle name and YOUR last name? I don't understand why everyone thinks the child should automatically have the father's last name.
Or I like the idea of your last name as the child's middle name. I know a few people that have done that.
I didn't change my last name after marriage either. If I ever had a child, I may be giving it my last name. Simply because I am the one who is giving birth, will most likely have the bulk of child duties, and because the majority of caregivers and schools will address the mother by Mrs. Childslastname. Flame away on that last sentence haha!!
Good luck
PS my husband is also a "4th" and there certainly will not be a "5th" My husband hates his name and really hates having his mail (along with everything else) mixed up with both his father and his grandfather's!
So you're going to be a better parent than your husband? Gotcha. Well, since you're having most of the child care duties then I assume your husband is the one working. So you better be sure to ask him everytime you use HIS money. You know, since the child is more yours by your admission then the money is more his. I bet that's not going to fly now is it?
She says she was told by the dr., but I doubt it. She's all kinds of crazy... dh and I got married right after she found out she was pregnant and she put a card on the gift table at our wedding and it said "it's a boy" and had a sonogram picture inside. We just kinda looked at each other.
My MIL is like the Mom you described. I don't want to know the sex of any future baby before it's born and dh told her that once. She responded, "well I'm going to know what it is by the way she's carrying it so I'll know before her!" Dh was all panicked that night about it until I explained it was an old wives tale. Oh well, she's got a 50/50 shot of being correct.
LOL @ April...
Relax. That last line was meant to be funny.
We (you and I) are both breaking the norm by not changing our last names. So what would make it any different if the child had my last name vs. his? What makes HIM so special that the child gets HIS last name? Just curious?
For the record we both make the same amount of money and work the same amount of hours as we both own a small business (and would continue to do so after a child is born). So no, technically I never had to ask permission to spend HIS money. Most of the mothers I know or have observed have the majority of the child duties regardless if they are a SAHM or work 80 hours a week. Of course there are great fathers out there who are equal contributors when it comes to that, however that percentage I find to be very low. Kudos to you if you have that special DH.