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BIL needs to get of his high horse
This is kind of a long story, so please be patient with me...
the "Backstory"
My sister is married to this guy who is very passive aggressive (from what i can see) She is ALWAYS complaining about him, but still says she loves him. She has 2 daughters from another marriage and a son with him. All 3 of these kids are amazing, wonderful children, but my nephew gets treated like a God by him. He complains when my sister spends money on anything, but once she tells him it was spent on their son, its ok. My sister treats all three kids fairly. My sister has a full time job working as Post Master in their local post office, as well as she is on their local town council, yet he comes home from work and complains that she hasn't cleaned the house to his expectations.
My sister and I are very close, so it really hurts me to see her being treated like this. Yet, we say something and she defends him. *sigh*
Ok.. now the "newest" issue... for the last 13 months once a month for 3 days maximum I've been driving up to stay at my sisters house (3 hours away). I have my own business. I run a Mobile Spa. Im an Esthetician. Essentially I travel their, and set up in an empty room in their house. I take clients for pedicures, waxing, massage etc. These are all people they know, so no strangers to them. This once a month visit is great because I get to spend quality time with my sister and her kids. I also take care of the kids, and help prepare meals when im not busy. These 3 days are also my most financially profitable. i'll make more in this visit than the entire month put together. On top of all this I provide free services to my sister, and her husband if they want them. Usually exceeding $200 worth. (my sister definitely banks in on this lol) We all hang out and everything is great... or so i thought.
Last time I was there was a week after my wedding and my sister was hinting towards her and her husband fighting and having more "issues" it was the day before I was to leave. I was just finishing up on my sisters pedicure and she asked me what I thought about maybe going to someone else's house to do these services that I've been doing. It took a bit of prodding to figure out exactly what she meant... Essentially her husband basically shut her out as soon as he found out I was travelling there. He said he hates knowing that all these people are going into his home for services, invading his privacy (women aged 40+ that he KNOWS)... he also mentioned that ME being there is an invasion of his privacy. He was off work for the 3 days i was there, whereas normally he's working 9-5 and isn't home until dinner time. Where he was in the house (playing video games) was no where near where i was doing services. No one would've seen him unless they walked 25' up a hallway and around a corner. Its a huge house so his privacy was well intact.
i was so hurt by this, that I packed up my stuff after i finished my sisters services, packed up my car and just told my sister that I had so much stuff to do the next day, that i wanted to get a head start on it, and leaving the next morning would only set me back. I didn't want to cause anymore issues in their Marriage, seeing as it was ME that was, in his eyes, a problem.
Naturally my husband just wants to punch him in the head, and my mother and father think that my BIL is being extremely unreasonable and everyone thinks that i should just stop going. My issue isn't only the money.... these are faithful clients that i've bonded with, and have built an excellent reputation with. This is my business. Im so frustrated!!!
please note that my sister has tried defending me to him, and told him that she loves it when i visit her. It keeps us close and connected. Especially since we're both TTC.
I am venting, but I do need some advice, and sympathy at this point.
Re: BIL needs to get of his high horse
I think that you're dealing with two separate issues here. I understand why you feel sad that your BIL is critical of your sister when she does so much and you obviously think a lot of her, but that has nothing to do with your mobile business issues.
I can understand you being disappointed that you might have to change your plans and find a new place, or not travel to that area at all, but your BIL is well within his rights to oppose you turning his house into a salon for 3 days out of every month. I understand that he knows them, but that would get old for my DH, as well as for me. I think the reason he is also treating your visit as an imposition is that he knows that a visit from you means a parade of people in and out of his home, none of whom he invited (and maybe three days feels too long for a house guest for him). Do you really think that they are obligated to give you a room in their house because you do spa things for your sister? I guess I just don't get it. I'm not trying to be mean, even though it probably sounds that way, but I really just don't get it. Maybe its because I'm now envisioning my overly invasive BIL deciding to give guitar lessons at my house.
The ideal solution would be to find another place to do your work, and make visits with the family just that. Good luck.
It might not even be legal for them to operate a business inside their home. Your BIL has every right not to want people in and out of their home - even 40 year old women he knows. It's his home, too.
If the area is profitable to you, rent a hotel or office suite for the three days.
Sorry, you are the one who needs to get off your high horse. You brother in law has every right(and i dont blame him) to tell you to take your business some where else.
If you want to run your business in their town, then do it elsewhere!
Also, MYOB about your sisters marriage. she is a grown woman and is making her own choices obviously she chooses to stay with this guy so back off and stay out of their marriage.
As you have a mobile business...couldn't you just stay with your sister those days but travel to your clients houses to do the treatments? That way it's not an invasion of privacy and is a good compromise so you don't lose your fees.
On the business side of it, I'm w/ everyone else. It's his right to say he doesn't want this going on in his home. It's YOUR business, but it's HIS home. It's not his burden to keep you up and running.
That aside, I get that you don't like him and you don't like how he treats your sister. What I kind of find a little ironic, though - you're upset about him, you've tried talking to her about him, etc. But yet, you go and bond w/ her over the fact you're both TTC. Mixed messages a bit there? "Oh- I don't like your DH and I think you could do better, oh but wait - you want to have a baby w/ him?! YAY!!!!! Let's talk about it and share! ".
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
He'd probably feel better about you using the space if you gave him a cut of the profits. Make an offer. Then look for a better location. Even if he's just being a jerk and your sister is too much of a pushover to set him straight, you still have to move on. Figure out a way to make it work without your sister's help.
Ditto the PPs.
I don't blame your BIL at all for not wanting you working in his home. The idea of other people getting waxed & their feet done in my home is gross.
As far as their marriage goes, myob. Your sister complains but obviously she has no intention of leaving if she defends him & is TTC. Next time she complains, just respond with a 'That sounds hard, what are you going to do?' or change the subject. If she really wanted your advice she'd have taken it by now.
Where as your BIL sounds like a controlling A55hole.... he isn't being completely unreasonable about not wanting you to run your business out of their home.
Find a different place to go. And don't do your services for your sister anymore for free after you found a different place.
Aside from BIL wanting your business out of the house.... the rest of what you said he is like.... well..... Yeah he is a D!ck.... but you should stay out of it. Your sister can make her own choices.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Let me get this straight... you are using HIS home to make money for yourself, not paying them a dime except for free pedicures (and how many men actually get pedicures), he has women tramping through his home (doesn't matter that he knows them, I know a lot of people, doesn't mean I want them coming through my home all the time), and you think he's on his high horse? Are you that dense? Really? If that town is so profitable then move there, stop leaching off your BIL and sister. Also, you mentioned "when he found out I was coming"... are you saying your SIL didn't tell him the exact dates? SHe just pulled it on him day of? It doesn't matter if he can't be "seen" by these women, what if he likes walking around in his boxers? Now he can't do that because your playing beauty shop in his home.
Your entire post is annoying, judgmental, and makes you look like a cheap brat. Somebody be sure to catch the dd.
I have to agree with PP. BIL isn't on a high horse, you are. It is *his* home. Not your shop. There were some great suggestions here, take one. And stop trying to make your sister/BIL's marriage something that is bothering you. MYOB, she is grown and making her own decision.
i dont see it as a high horse either-it's their house and he's WELL within his rights to ask you not to do the spa thing there anymore. that's his choice-it's their house!
as for the issues with your sister and her husband it seems like you have a bit of a choice here-let her call and vent to you about him and either not tell her what you think of him (or tell her just be ready for her to defend him) OR not talk to her about it at all.
i do think though that it seems like you're all way too much in each other's business. there was NO reason to discuss what BIL said about not doing your spa thing in their house with your entire family-no reason at all. that's creating drama where there shouldn't be any. i also think your DH is WAY off base by wanting to, what did you say, punch bili n the face for saying you can't do that in his house anymore? what choice does your DH have? it's not your DH's house.
go and find a REAL business setting instead of a family members house. you can contract with salons for chairs etc...
So if one of your clients slips and falls on their driveway, will you be the one to pay the expenses if they get sued or if there is a claim against their homeowners insurance?
Are you paying them rent to use this space?
Are you even helping pay for the electric bills that are inevitably higher now because of your business?
If they receive fees from their homeowner's association for being in violation of running a business outside of your home, are you paying those fees?
Are you the one talking to angry neighbors who are tired of the street being crowded with cars once a month ?
Are you going to pay for new carpet because their's is being worn due to heavier traffic ?
Are you paying your BIL for those three hours a month because he now can not do what he wants on his day off in his own home ?
If you are doing all these things, then maybe just maybe you have a right to complain. If not, then you need to thank them profusely for the amount of time that they were able to help you out and move on.
I also think your family is being so wierd about this. Your husband wants to punch him and your parents think he is being unreasonable? Do you all not realize that this isn't your home, this is his and you sisters and he has every right to say no? If not than your family is the one who has serious issues not him.
Your post reeks of entitlement.
I am a homebody and an introvert. I would do something like this for one three day period to help someone I loved but there is NO way I would tolerate it every single month.
Regarding this aspect of your post, you should really change your attitude and realize that your BIL and sister have been VERY generous with you, and you should end this arrangement with a feeling of gratitude. I mean, how long did you think this was going to go on anyway, realistically?
I have seen ads on Craigslist for unorthodox rentals, things like a person looking for an apartment share for a reduced rent, so they can use the place once night each week, or whatever. If you make some effort, you can probably find another location there so you are fully independent with this.
I notice that even though your H and parents are angry at him for this (not really fair, IMO), they all still tell you to stop going. Are you actually considering continuing to go?
Your sister is doing exactly what people on this board always come down on husbands for--she threw her H under the bus with this rather than present a united front. You both kind of suck, I think.
I'm sorry both you and your sister are selfish, spoiled, entitled douchebags of the highest order. How's that for sympathy?
Eww, I'm sorry but that is so GROSS! I wouldn't want people's dead skin cells all over my house! Even if I knew them! I think your BIL is being reasonable asking you not to do your spa treatments in their home. And what's with your sister? Did she even ask her husband if this was ok? It's nice that they let you do this for the last 13 months - I would have gotten tired of this MUCH sooner.
I agree with PPs also that this is a liability for them. God forbid something happens and a client falls....you wouldn't be responsible, they would be...as the homeowners. And if your business is so much better there, why not move there permanently?
I think it sounds kind of selfish that you would visit your sis to do your business. At first I thought it was sweet that you'd make the effort to see her and her kids, but this sounds a bit self-serving, rather than a nice gesture to spend family time.
It sounds like it's time to figure out a new business strategy but don't let it affect your relationship with your sister or her husband.