Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
depressed brother. tore up inside :(
Good evening, ladies...Kind of a little down tonight, wishing I could be closer to my family, not on the opposite side of the country. :'(
Backstory: I have a younger brother (25) who's struggled with adhd much of his life, and it's definitely affected him into adulthood, as there's some major depression and emotional issues surfacing, (all tied into a rough childhood of isolation and letdown, in my "expert" opinion). I think he may even be undiagnosed bipolar (as I work with individuals with psychiatric issues and he has many of the telltale signs), not to mention being borderline alcoholic.
Well, a month or 2 ago he decides he's going to apply for grad school and is 100% sure he will get in because, well, that's the way he operates, all or nothing. He applies to one school and one school only, never really looking out of state or exploring his options of different programs (this school is the only one in-state offering what he wants) and low and behold, gets a phone call yesterday morning that he hasn't been accepted because his gpa is .1 too low for the minimum requirement for the program.
Needless to say, he's devastated and calls me on his way to getting drunk (at noon, mind you) saying "he's heartbroken" and "this is just another thing I fail at in life; what's the point" etc etc, breaking into sobs and crying on the phone to me for a good 15 minutes. OMG. You expect your girlfriends or even mom to cry to you but your brother? I'm still tore up by it. 
I swear he subconsciously sets himself up for failure, like self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm so glad he called me, because he usually shuts everyone out and goes out with his friends and gets plastered when something like this happens. I was able to help him come up with a plan on how to approach the school to see if he can take some classes to get his gpa up and whatnot, and we hung up with him seeming to be in better spirits and more hopeful.
I hate not being near my family when stuff like this happens. I really really want to recommend that he sees a psychologist (he//, it's what I did when I was 25 and going through my "what's my purpose in life?" crap) as there's tons of pent up, leftover childhood angst garbage that doesn't seem to be letting him feel successful at life. He's a super hard nut to crack, as he's horrible about answering phone calls and goes into his own little world whenever anyone tries to get him to open up (which was why I was so shocked that he actually called me) which is why I think suggesting a shrink would be super detrimental at this point and cause him to totally retreat from me
I try to send him silly little texts and funny fb pictures on his wall during the day to try to establish some sort of non-threatening contact and let him know I'm thinking about him but haven't heard back at all since our convo yesterday.
I hate thinking he's at home just wrecking himself with the bottle, but hopefully he took our convo to heart and is turning that sadness/angst into productive energy and finding out what he can do to get into this school.
Feeling so helpless He still lives with mom and dad so maybe he's opening up to one of them a little bit.
Sorry this turned into a rant/semi-diary-ish entry. Thanks for reading :')
Re: depressed brother. tore up inside :(
Not sure if you realize it, but you have offered up a very convincing portrait of a young adult with Aspergers who was mis-dx'd as ADHD.
The self medication with alcohol, the inertia around taking the next step into adulthood, the childhood isloation, the depression, the black and white thinking. It's worth you doing a little research. FWIW, Aspergers is often comorbid with Bipolar.
There's a massive amount going on with your bro. Sorry for your troubles.
I agree; he needs to see somebody -- even for another evaluation -- and the drinking positively must go. He also needs to move the hell out and be out on his own; I will bet you that your parents enable this guy to the hilt.
You know how it is: you can tell him to do it but that's about it. It's up to him to pick up the ball.
Hoping you get good news soon. Take care.
He sounds kind of like my brother. I agree with Tarpon that he definitely needs help and he needs to kick the drinking, but honestly, he needs to decide that he wants to get the help he needs. No one can force him because it simply will not work. I think you've done as much as you could do by listening to him, offering some good advice and letting him know you are there if he needs to talk. Have you spoken to your parents about this at all?
You might see if there's a CHADD group for bro
http://www.chadd.org/
Thanks everyone. In terms of Asperger's, I've often wondered if he's on the spectrum, as he had a few sensory things going on as a kid (e.g., always sought out strong-smelling odors like white-out, had to have the TV and stereo up ALL the time which drove me INSANE as a kid, etc). He's a pretty social guy and from what I've seen, never really seems awkward in social situations, but he was always labeled "the bad kid" growing up because of all his excess energy and impulsiveness from ADHD. Who knows. So much going on with him. Alcoholism definitely runs in the family as well; Grandpa (mom's dad) died in his mid 60's from complications from it and uncle (mom's brother) died at 51 the same way. Seriously, if he's like this at 25 what in the world can we expect in the coming years!???
Mom and dad are pretty supportive, but, yes, they are pretty bad enablers as well. He actually just moved back home because of a new job in the area which has turned out to be crap and more of a per diem thing (like, 8 hours a week) which was why he was so hopeful about going to school and getting the heck out of dodge. They are fully aware of what's going on but I think he just goes into "leave me alone, i'm a grown-up"-mode when they start trying to recommend things/help out. We have some pretty close cousins that still live near him so maybe he'll go to them. sigh. How does drama always manage to creep into my life on a daily basis ><