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just curious.?!
growing up my mother always called my Grandmother and Grandfather (her MIL & FIL) either Beverly & Carl (there actual names) or MiMi & PawPaw (which is what we called them) and my father usually reffered to my mom's parents the same way eith by thier name or thier "nickname" we gave them.
so i was baffled when i met my DH and discoved his parents still refer to thier in-laws as Mr./Mrs. Firstname. this is very weird to me. its even stranger now that we are married cause i don't know what to call my MIL or FIL .
if i am having a convo with my MIL and she is telling my something about my FIL she will refer to him as Mr. Joe. and visa versa with my FIL too!
calling them Mrs.Sandra & Mr. Joe makes me extremely unconfortable. i feel like it is too formal because we are family. But i don't want to be disrespectful by just using thier firstnames if they expect me to still refer to the as Mr./Mrs.
my DH does not think this is strange, i guess cause that is how he grew up. but he also has no problem calling my parent "mom" and "ed" ..lol...(my fam. is much more laid back)
so i guess the point of all of that rambleing was to ask does anyone else still call thier IL's "Mr.& Mrs. .... " or does someone have a suggestion on how i can discuss this with my IL's with out sounding disrespectful.
ps: im going to apologize ahead of time for bad grammar and spelling in this post. im getting tired.
Re: just curious.?!
My roommate from college calls her in laws Mr. and Mrs. First Names. It offends her in-laws and I've always judged her a little for that. But she's not at all comfortable calling elders by their first names or using 'mom and dad' so I guess that it works for her.
I think a good rule of thumb is to always call people what they introduced themselves to you as, and then if they tell you to call them something else do it. If then want to be called Mr. and Mrs. First Name, then that's what you should do.
My in-laws are as laid back and informal as they come - so it was first names from the start.
However, in your case I would call them what they prefer to be called, even if it seems weird to you. It is what they are comfortable with and are used to. To me this is a minor effort that could go a long way towards a good relationship.
Families are just different. Mine is more reserved. DH's is more lively. We both fit in to each other's families (though his thinks I'm relatively uptight and mine thinks DH is relatively unsophisticated) and we all get along well. That's all that matters
I think there's a difference between, "I'm a little uncomfortable with this because it's not what I'm used to." and, "I'm uncomfortable with this because it clashes with a deeply held belief about the importance of a name or label."
I call my MIL by her first name. If she asked to be called Mrs firstname, I'd think it was weird and I'd feel weird saying it, but I'd figure it's her choice how she wants to be addressed.
If she wanted to be called Mum however, that would be a big fat no on my part. I have a Mum, she's amazing, no one else gets that title.
So if I was in your situation I'd just suck it up and call her Mrs firstname.
Just because it's different from what you know, doesn't make it wrong. This is what is normal in their family so my advice to you is to respect it. I am not sure how calling someone by Mrs. so and so is uncomfortable to you?
Ask them what they want to be called, and stick with their wishes to avoid an argument. It's not going to kill you to call them Mr. and Mrs. Smith, if you'd personally prefer Mom and Dad or Sandy and Bill.
Besides, how often are you going to address them by name anyway? I've never called my FIL anything ... I just say, "Hi" when I speak to him. Gifts and greeting cards to our respective parents are signed from both of us, so we just use Mom and Dad. I'll say, "My FIL said xyz" if I'm talking about him to someone else.
This is where I stand on this as well. My DH grew up in a very formal, traditional way and he was taught to address his elders as Mr. & Mrs. Last Name. I didn't. So when he first met my parents, he called them by their last names, but they quickly asked him to call them by their first names. He went along with it just fine because it was what they preferred. If you don't know which they prefer, just ask. I don't see how that would be too awkward.
My parents called their IL's Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. They've known each other for over 40 years. I never thought too much about it because that's what I heard growing up. I assume that's how they've always addressed their IL. (My parents were married by the way).
I asked my MIL what she wanted to be called and she said by her first name. So that's what I call her. I really don't understand what your issue is. All you have to do is ask a question on how they'd like to be addressed.
My DH and I call both of our ILs by Mr. and Mrs. It would be weird for me to call them by their first name. We still say yes ma'am/ no sir to them too.... we live in the south and are brain washed with showing ultimate respect for elders. So, anyone over the age of 45, I usually do that....it feels really awkward if I don't.
calling other people Mr.&Mrs. does not make me unconfortable and calling them Mr./Mrs did not make me confortable whem my DH and I were just dating.
i guess the major issue with it is that if makes me feel like im not part of the family.
When I met my inlaws, I called them Mr and Mrs....I quickly was told Bruce and Lucy....after we got engaged it turned into them signing things mom and dad, NOW my FIL does things like write Mom and Dad on cards at XMAS and goes "now who is THAT from? to which i reply laughing "mom and dad" LOL I'm working on that....IDK what Jeremy calls my parents......weird...
but...respect people's wishes......im doing that with my IL's...they want to be called mom and dad....im not totally against that but if i was i'd tell them why. nothing a simple convo cant fix!
Good luck
Getting fit for IVF!
To be honest, I don't really call my IL's anything. Instead of saying, "Hello David, how are you?", I just say "Hi, how are you?" When I'm addressing them to ask them a question, I usually make eye contact and then ask them. It sounds weird, but I don't really even do it on purpose!
The few times that I have said their names, I've said Mr. Firstname/Mrs. Firstname. I was raised to say that and it just seems natural. Ask your SO what he thinks you should call them.
My mom calls her MIL Mrs. LastName. I never thought twice about it (my aunts by marriage and uncle by marriage also call her that). Her own children refer to her as "Mother" rather than Mom and sometimes as Mrs. LastName. AND her grandchildren (myself included) call her "Grandmother" or Mrs. LastName.
My MIL likes me to call her by her first name. It actually to my SIL about a year to be comfortable enough calling her that.
If your MIL wants to be called Mrs. FirstName then that's what you should call her. It may feel awkward but if that's what she wants, then that's what you should do.
An American Girl's Travels