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Can you believe this?
Just to share how selfish and fvvcked up my mother is....my Aunt's hubby is dying and hospice will be coming into the picture VERY soon. My mom has this cruise she is scheduled to go on in 35 days. She emails me yesterday and asks if she should postpone the cruise since Uncle B. *might* pass and she would need to be here to support her sister. Oh and that it will cost $300 to change her plans.
WHAT!?!?!? 
My Aunt and Uncle have been married for 32 years. My Aunt has not had to work or really take care of anything but the house for all that tme. She is not in the best of health herself. She is going to be a MESS when this happens. My mom and her are close. But my mom had to even ASK if she should change her plans?
I'm SO glad I take after my dad......
Re: Can you believe this?
well-i can understand her concern. just because hospice is showing up there's no way to know when he'll die.
i also think that this is between your mom and her sister and not so much you.
Is your mom supposed to put her life entirely on hold?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Sorry I don't see this as being selfish or fuucked up on your mom's part either. Do you cancel plans for something when they don't know if he'll pass, do you go and hope that he'll pull through longer? It doesn't sound like she's dismissing your aunt, she sounds like she wants to be there for her when it happens, but she has no way of knowing when it will happen, I think whether she cancels the trip or not is a valid question/concern that she has.
I think maybe your emotions are getting in the way of seeing any of your mom's point.
Can she buy trip insurance?
My friends mother and dad were on a cruise when the grandma died. Nobody knew it was coming (she had been in poor health for a while, but you never know...). They got a helicopter ride to the mainland and will get a new trip sometime next year.
In all fairness to your replies, I didn't go into HOW severely ill he is. The cancer is literally throughout and he is in a very bad way. Also, without knowing all the other craziness my mom has done, it can be hard to see why I am so amazed at her behavior.
Of course you can't put your life on hold, but she takes several cruises a year and can certainly post pone this one. Eh well...when you dip into the pool here, you have to be prepared for guppies or sharks. Thanks anyway ladies. I will take into consideration your points of view though.
Reminder from OP: mom emailed and ASKED my opinion.
I agree with the comment about your relationship with your mother clouding your judgement on this.
The reason that I say this is that I instinctively do this all the time with my mom; I always have to take a step back and try to be more neutral.
And I dont' see how any of these answers were like "sharks". We're just telling you that we don't see the issue.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I can see both sides.
If he's in a bad way and hospice is entering the picture, it sounds like his time may be limited to days, not weeks. So it might make sense for your mom to go ahead and postpone the trip by several months. That way, she can be a constant presence in the months to come. I can see why you think that's what she should do.
However, I also can see your mom's side. She'll be there for his death and the immediate aftermath (viewing, funeral, etc). But then she'd leave relatively soon for her cruise and only be gone a short while. Grief is a funny thing. My mom seemed pretty normal immediately after my dad died, but then had a complete breakdown on her birthday this year (2.5 years after his death). She has good moments and bad, and it's almost impossible to predict when they hit her hard. Also, in our case, my aunt lives out of town, came in for the funeral and stayed about two weeks and then had to go. So my mom couldn't rely on her aunt to be her shoulder to lean on.
Does your aunt have anyone else to lean on if she needs it? Do they have any children? Does she have any close friends? She has you, it seems.
Anyway, you know your mom best, so obviously your take on this is different than that of everything else. Your mom could be a shrew who is only concerned about the $300 change fee. But from an outsider, it seems like she really just has no clue if she should cancel and when would even be a good time to go.
Agree.
And OP: she asked your opnion-that's fine. Again-I can see why she'd wonder if she should change the trip or not. The fact that she emailed you for your opinion doesn't change my response.
Ummmm.... clearly you have never been around as someone was dieing. My father was in Hospice for months before he passed.... Your mother is just trying to be prepared. I am sorry that your Uncle is dieing.... but your mom is just trying to figure out what would be best in re-scheduling things since this came to light.
People have been on hospice for YEARS.... before passing.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
Does anyone else find this strange?? You came here for advice and people disagreed with you. I don't understand where the "anyway" comes in.
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this hard time!
I think it really depends on the individual family member's feelings- your mother should ask her sister if she wants or needs support and go from there. I realize your mom asked for your advice but the best thing for her to do is really ask her sister. In the mean time, perhaps someone could contact the cruise line and ask what the procedure is in this type of situation- I'm sure they've had similar circumstances to deal with before and may be able to provide some insight.
My husband's uncle, who also happened to be a favorite teacher of mine, was close to the end of his battle with cancer when our 5th anniversary trip was coming up. We went back and forth about if we should cancel the trip and finally decided that if we cancelled our trip, it would be like we were expecting/waiting for him to die and we didn't want to plan our lives around that. When we discussed it with MIL, she said that she felt like us cancelling would only put more of a burden on him knowing we postponed the trip because of his condition.
An American Girl's Travels
Honestly, trying to determine when someone will pass from Cancer is very difficult. My Grandmother was given 3 weeks to live and placed on hospice. The 3 weeks passed and she had not passed away. A few months passed and they took her off hospice because she'd gained a bit of weight. A few years passed and she was still with us. She was given the 3 weeks to live around the end of 2004. She didn't pass until December of 2008.
I can see where you are coming from because to you this seems like a no brainer. However, if she's been around anyone who has died of Cancer, she may know that there is no real way of knowing how long your Uncle has.
I agree, even with the new information - you can't know. DH's grandfather passed away a month after being diagnosed, but the week before he seemed to be doing really well. My one grandfather was expected to pass away quickly (stomach cancer) and ended up going home 2 months later and lived for 3 more years. My aunt was trying to decide which course of treatment she wanted and she passed away a week after her diagnosis.
If it was my mom I'd suggest she keep her plans but see if she can purchase trip insurance. And let your mom know that if she is away you will be there for your aunt until she can make her way back home. (assuming of course that I was able to do so)