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Adult Truths

A family member sent this to me via email and I thought it was worth at least a chuckle, so here it is:

Adult Truths

  1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
 
 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
 
 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
 
 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
 
 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
 
 6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
 
 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
 
 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
 
 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
 
 10. Bad decisions make good stories.
 
 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
 
 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
 
 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
 
 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
 
 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
 
 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
 
 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
 
 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
 
 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
 
 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
 
 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..
 
 22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
 
 23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
 
 24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients, or Blind Copying, should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
 
 25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit  laughing!

image
Women don't want to hear what men think,
women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice

Re: Adult Truths

  • OMG, finally one of these I haven't seen before! LOVE!!!

    I can particularly relate to numbers 2, 7, 13, 18, and 20-24!

  • thank you!  i've just had the most frustrating few hours here, working on FUGs (fvcked up grants), and this was just the right amount of amusing!
    great blasket island, co. kerry, ireland june 2011
  • imagewinterorchids:

    A family member sent this to me via email and I thought it was worth at least a chuckle, so here it is:

    Adult Truths

      1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
     
     2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
     
     3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
     
     4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

     
     5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
     
     6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
     
     7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
     
     8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
     
     9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
     
     10. Bad decisions make good stories.
     
     11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
     
     12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
     
     13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
     

     14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
     
     15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
     
     16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
     
     17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
     
     18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
     
     19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
     
     20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
     
     21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever..
     
     22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
     
     23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
     
     24. People who forward e- mail without deleting the tons of previous recipients, or Blind Copying, should be shot and then tarred and feathered.
     
     25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit  laughing!

    the highlighted ones are the ones I can really relate to!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • i am the QUEEN of #23 ...
    Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker - Author Unknown

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers

  • Nice!

    #11 reminds me of the time I heard my very studious, very polite, petite co-worker on the other side of the cubical wall sigh and say "4 o'clock. Time to coast for an hour."

    My favorite place on earth: The Amargosa Valley.
    image
  • Haha!

    These and sooooooo much more hilariousnous can be found at Ruminations.com! I absolutely love that site!

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagewinterorchids:

     25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies quit  laughing!

    i just read these to drew (he's in arizona for work) and he laughed so hard at this one he couldn't speak for a few seconds.  when he finally could gasp out a few words he said "that is so true!"   

    great blasket island, co. kerry, ireland june 2011
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