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How do you and DH divvy up household chores?
I would like to know how you divvy up household chores.
And please identify if you both work full time, are you WAHM, SAHM, etc.
DH and I are working on this now. When I was working from home 10-15/week I just did it all. It was stressful as heck, but I felt guilty and just didn't want an issue. Now that I am working full-time I can't do it all.
Please don't ask to knee him in the balls, but he's always thought because he works more hours and makes more money he shouldn't have to do anything. Pretty much anything he does in the house he does because he's asked and with a sigh first and procrastination = nagging.
I did get him to acknowledge the other night that just because he works more hours that he gets paid for does not mean I am not working and acknowledged that I work more than he does. I asked him what he wanted to take on and he said make a list. BOY was I ready to do that.
I listed EVERYTHING. Probably 65 items on it. Showed it to him. He got overwhelmed. Said.. getting Kelsey dressed.. that counts? I said darn straight it does. That's 10 minutes I could be doing something else, bath time, making lunches, carting to and from, etc etc etc. You all know what I am talking about 
So... tell me how you do it!
Re: How do you and DH divvy up household chores?
I posted this same question a few months ago. A few ladies responded, here it is if you're interested
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/42972597.aspx
Here is what we are doing now...still giving it time to see if it actually works.
Me- Dinner 6 nights a week, wash dishes each night, put laundry away, grocery list/menu plan, weekly 1-2 hour cleaning (vacuum, dust, etc), bills/budgeting, try to sweep a few times a week in addition to the vacuuming since we have a dog, pick up after myself (I had to write this down on each of our chore lists because DH wouldn't pick up after himself otherwise
)
DH- Grocery shop, take trash out, take bottles back, household repairs (currently on his list this week is put plastic on windows, and fix the leaky sink), wash/dry laundry (I put away), mow lawn/shovel, pick up after himself daily
Basically I do more weekly/daily than he does, but some of the projects he does take a lot of time. He spent several days off work last week spackling, sanding and priming our Living Room for example).
DH and I both work full time. DH also does some freelance work so really I guess he works more than I do.
It's a step getting to acknowledge that you do a lot more than he does. So kudos to that!
I'm still AR about things so I just do what I know needs to be done. If I haven't gotten done what's on my mental list, that is when I just start telling him what else needs to do. So, if I've done the dishes, swept the floor, made supper and fed Taylor (all in the hour and a half between when I get home and he does) and I still need the dogs fed, bath time, vacuuming or what not done, I'll let him know, x,y, and z need to be done tonight.
He gives me a lot of sh!t about it but that's cuz he likes to pus buttons. Usually things are done but if it's been three days and it's not, I do start the nagging.
I guess it's a lot of me doing, because I know I'll have to go behind him to do it, or me asking him to do what I can't accomplish and just having to let go of how he does it. Somethings I won't even bother asking him to do because he just won't do it right (mopping, sweeping, bathrooms).
Ok, I think I'm rambling now. Hope you can follow that
DH works F/T and I work 3 days/week outside the home (SAH 2 days). Jake goes to daycare on the days I work.
Basically, the days I SAH, I wake up w/ Jake, do all the household chores/errands/grocery shopping and cook dinner. DH comes home and we eat dinner, then he hangs out w/ Jake while I clean or rest (never used to rest much but sometimes I do now that I'm nearing the end of this pg). 90% of the time, I clean up dinner on those nights too. DH usually does bathtime those nights, and we switch off on who does stories/bedtime w/ Jake.
DH is in charge of finances/bills, trash and recycling as well as home repairs and heavy lifting ;o). He does his own laundry, I do mine & Jake's.
On the days I work, we wake up w/ Jake and eat breakfast all together. DH usually cooks eggs or something like that. DH will then get Jake dressed for school while I get ready (I shower the night before to make life easier). We should pack lunch the night before, but we rarely do and it's 50/50 on who packs lunch - however it works out that particular morning. Then I drive Jake to daycare which is right near my work.
As far as vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathroom, etc. I do it most of the time, but DH definitely helps out whenever I ask (usually this is w/ vacuuming since it's becoming uncomfortable at the end of pg). I think we both feel like we do more than the other (even though I'M really the one that does more ;o) but we always remind each other that we're a team and we just need to get it done. It's tough but it works and you'll find your groove...GL and congrats on the new job
).
Jake blowing out the candle at Katie's coming home party
Katie Belle
Kristen, Chad, Jake, Katie & Sadie the Wonderdog, est. 6/17/06
I do most of the chores inside the house. Joe pretty much does everything outside, unless I get an urge every once in a while to mow the lawn for exercise. But he does all the yard maintenance, shoveling/snowblowing/roof raking in the winter, this past spring he washed all the siding on the house (we have a lot of shade and get mildew on the siding on one corner of the house), raking, stick pick up (lots of trees), etc. Plus he's always building things, putting things up etc. He takes care of the cars, too. Oh, and he does the dump run every weekend for trash and recycling. I do allllllll the cooking, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, countertop wipedowns, I mostly do the bathrooms, fridge cleaning, all the little things I notice every once in a while. Joe and I take turns emptying the dishwasher and washing dishes and bottles. Basically if something needs to be done, I just have to ask. Yes, he sometimes sighs, but he does it. And Joe LOVES lists and invites me to make them for him on the weekends when we are both home. Gladly, buddy, gladly! As far as Nolan is concerned, I do most of the bottles and feedings, diaper changes, EVERY bath(Joe has never given Nolan a real bath - only sponge baths), dressing him, etc. Most things become routine - Joe always gives Nolan his cereal at dinnertime while I finish prepping our dinner and then I sit down and finish up with the rest. Or Joe does the wash up and diaper change at bedtime and I do lotion and jammies, Joe does last bottle and I put Nolan to bed. Those things we consider our own parts of the routine. I think as Nolan gets a little older, we might adopt a turn-taking policy there. And Joe graciously does poopy diaper changes whenever he's around.
He's helpful when there is a task at hand with Nolan, what drives me nuts is he never knows what to do with him for down time - like play with him, talk to him, read to him. He has to be prompted to do things. Joe is much better with older kids than babies.
Anyways, that become longer than anticipated. Let me cut to the chase - we each do our thing and when one of us needs help from the other, we just ask! I am able to tell Joe when I'm getting frustrated and need something from him, and I make him lists. Good luck figuring it out!
Wow, I never thought of writing down all the things I do in one list. I think I'd probably pass out looking at it on paper!
When I worked from home half-time, I did almost everything -- like you, I had guilt that I wasn't "working", because, let's face it, I was doing the job I wanted to do and MH was doing the job he had to do. Now that I'm working two days a week and I'm very pregnant, I'm letting MH do more. He has always done the trash & recycling, shoveling, and a lot of the yardwork (what little we do). I do all the dishes that have to be done by hand, and I am usually the one to put away the dishes as well (although MH does sometimes empty the dishwasher). I do all the bills. I do most of the cleaning; if houseguests are coming that are related to him, I usually make him jump in to do at least the bathrooms. We both cook, but I handle most of Owen's meals. I do all the clothing laundry, but if he happens to be in the basement he'll sometimes transfer loads for me. We both do diaper laundry. When it comes to childcare, I am the general, but MH is a good soldier. On weekends, he lets me sleep in and he gets up w/ Owen and does breakfast, etc. (And he is the breakfast cooker in this house for grownups on the weekends, too.) I could go on...long story short, we do divvy up chores, with it weighted a bit more toward me.
What gets me sometimes is that I'm always "the decider". I figure out what's for dinner, what we're doing for the day, what Owen's going to wear, what Owen's going to eat, and how to deal with just about anything that comes out way. It gets exhausting. I'm not sure how to overcome that one.
This certainly got me thinking about what we each do!
I am working full time & struggling to get stuff done. I do the laundry, the cleaning and the dishes that have to be done by hand. Since I've been back to work, I have slacked a lot on cleaning and just try to vacuum every other day and clean the bathroom. I wake, change & feed Felix in the morning and at his dinnertime feeding. I give Felix his bath 2-3 nights a week. I cook probably half the time.
Ryan takes care of Felix from about 8am until the babysitter comes at 11, and he does his dinnertime feeding usually once a week. He wakes Felix at 11 for another feeding while I sleep. He takes out the trash & recycling. He cooks a lot, especially lately because I need to try to finish my PhD work after I put Felix to bed.
One of us (usually me) tries to remember to feed the cats
Our babysitter does the dishes Monday through Thursday and that is such a big help!
DH and I both work full time, plus DH does work for camp year round, planning meetings, getting stuff together, etc.
Our day looks like this:
He gets the boys dressed while I am in the shower, I get out get dressed and then make coffee and lunches for DH and I. We get the boys coats on and put them in my car. I drop them and their gear off with MIL and head to school. After school I pick up the boys and bring them home, get their juice and snack together and start laundry. I do all the laundry in the house, ours, boys, diapers so I usually do a load or two a day (usually only 1 if I have to do diapers because that takes so much time and water)... I make dinner, feed the boys and put the boys to bed. DH does the dishes. I clean up and try to do one of the "big chores" a night. DH is responsible for taking the trash out on Thursday mornings and keeping the litter box clean and the cats fed and watered.
So essentially DH is responsible for changing one diaper per kid a day and putting the boys into clothes I usually pick out, putting dishes into the dishwasher, taking the trash out once a week, and cleaning the littler box, putting food into the autofeeder every few days... and I do everything else...
I love this idea!
This. I actually decided that if he does all the outside things, I will do all the inside aka I don't have to do anything with snow, grass, or leaves-or clean up the dog's many bathroom breaks from the yard. He also does everything with the cars, dumps runs, etc.
But he does offer to help inside when he knows I've had a long day or whatnot-I am very interested to see what he is like when we have children, I think he'll be a trooper-hopefully!