Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Rehearsal dinner drama with family

My husband's brother is getting married soon. My husband is the best man. We just found out that I am not invited to the rehearsal dinner. We are flying very far for this wedding and will have no car. What is your take on this situation? I am really upset but Its been awile since my wedding. Has this ettiquette been changed with inviting a spouse who is a family member? My husband says he is attending the rehearsal but declining dinner because he feels it is ridiculous and a wife should be automatically invited.

Re: Rehearsal dinner drama with family

  • Are you kidding? That really is a smack in the face, it isnt like you are a casual friend, you are family~ Holy shiot I'd be furious! Your H is 100% right and he should also give his brother a call and let him know how FU'd this is!



  • I agree with your DH and you're very lucky he's decided that on his own! I assume his parents are throwing this dinner? I think it's rude that you are not invited. All spouses of our bridal party were invited to our rehearsal dinner. And on top of that, it's not like it's the spouse of a random friend/groomsman- you are the SIL, family!!!!
  • oh yeah he is calling him tonight to rsvp and decline dinner and already said he is speaking his mind.
  • No, the etiquette has not changed.  That's very rude.  I think if the person is invited to the wedding w/ a date, regardless of it being a spouse, fiance, girlfriend, etc - the date should be invited to the RD.  ESPECIALLY as you are traveling to be there. 

    Kudos to your DH for skipping the dinner.  (But, he shouldn't make a stink about it.  Just keep it simple.  Decline the dinner and if asked, all he needs to say is that he'll be having dinner w/ you.)

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • That's really weird, of course the spouse should be invited!  Your H is 100% right in declining dinner after wards and he needs to make it clear why. I get that the bride and groom can do whatever they want but this is really odd and thoughtless, especially when couples are married and from out of town...and family! You're H should talk to him early and let him know about his dinner situation (maybe it'll clue the brother in on how ridiculous they're being in case he just has no idea)
  • To make sure I'm being clear  - there is nothing wrong w/ him saying something about how he feels you should be invited, but I caution him about "speaking his mind".  If he goes in angry and yelling, he may only make people defensive.

    if he does in calmly and just says "I'll be having dinner w/ hazel. I'm actually upset that she isn't invited.  I'll respect the decision, but I'll also be declining" is fine.  It might make whoever made the decision re-think.

    But if he goes in w/ "I CAN'T BELEIVE SHE WASN'T INVITED", hackels may go up and feet may be dug in even more. 

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • Dh actually decided the call today instad of yesturday so he can "think" of what to say without being rude like his brother was. Hey it's one less outfit I have to pack. lol
  • Wow. I'd be mad too. With our RD, our wedding party was either married or completely single, so the we just had spouses.  However, boy/girlfriends would've been invited if there were any.  We also invited a friend that was staying at MIL's house for the weekend since she would've been the only one home while the rest of the house was at the RD.  Shoot, MIL (hostess of RD) invited DH's cousins who weren't even in the wedding.  The day of the rehearsal, she kep calling people to invite them to dinner that night.  At first I was thinking why is she inviting other people?  But then I figured she was treating everyone to dinner, so she could invite whoever she wanted!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Update after your H calls, I'm curious now to see what kind of reaction his brother has to your H not going to the dinner, and his reasons as to why.
  • So, they set a rule that the rehearsal dinner is just for the members of wedding party? I hope the parents of the bride and groom get to go. I wouldn't be surprised if there is an issue about someone else who shouldn't be invited and you got swooped into the "rule".  These things can be awkward and hard on everyone. Declining the invitation is certainly within your DH's right and it is the correct thing to do. Realize it's going to cause a stir. They are going to feel like he's being rude to them - he's not. If they realize how badly they've behaved and invite you, I'd graciously accept and go.    
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • I'm with everyone else here... Yes... this is rude.  Bravo to your H for opting out of the dinner.... and let us know what happens after he calls...
    Blog: Not to be Koi

    Sara, Friend?
    image
    glove slap. I don't take crap.
  • When I was younger, my bff got engaged.  I got a hotel for her wedding (it was over 1 hour away).  She told me that my boyfriend (who was going with me) would not be invited to the RD.  She tried to spin it as a "groom's parents dont have a lot of money, they need to watch their budget, etc."

    But then the RD was in a banquet / conference room in the Marriott.  I was still thinking "oh, you had to exclude the (OOT) dates so you could throw a "classier" RD?"  It wasn't just about my BF - I just felt that it was wierd to have dates eat alone in their hotel rooms.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • Yeah that's not cool.  I was the matron of honor in my best friend's wedding and while my H wasn't in the wedding he was absolutely invited to the rehearsal dinner.  And you are FAMILY, so that's even more ridiculous. Good for your H.  If my BIL did that, I don't think my H would even stand up in the wedding. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards