Lack of Support-Vent Long

Now_a_Swearingen · January 2011

Sorry ladies, I just need to blow off some steam.No flames please. J will likely be going overseas as a contracted base medic for a year. We're fine with it We signed up for it because it would mean I could stay at home & it triple our income and pay off everything.

Granted, it will be tough on both of us being away for so long; however, it will allow us to pay off everything and have a chunk of savings for us & Avery. He will be able to come home every 4 months for about 2 weeks. He can't stay in the US for more than 35 days though, but that means I can travel anywhere in the world to meet him and it doesn't count against him (tax purposes).

A few of our friends are looking down at us for choosing to do so & saying we're making a bad decision & not very responsible decision. We'd rather get it out of the way while Avery is so young, than to have her 6 years old & it be harder on her. He'd be to be home for her 1st birthday, which was important to both of us.

FutureMrsNAH · January 2011

That sucks your friends of all people can't support you. I hope they're a little more supportive while he's gone.?

That is a pretty tough decision but I can see how you guys came to the decision you did. I feel worse for him having to miss what's going to be a lot of big things in her life coming up (walking/talking/becoming a little human) in the next year. That is nice he'll be home for her birthday at least. And it's not like she won't see him at all. And I do agree it's better than when she's older and able to actually *miss* him.?

MrsStreff · January 2011

That really stinks that no one is supporting you guys. You can find it here though, because sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do. We are going to be in the same boat this summer, just not as far away as each other. I think that if you guys can make great money and pay off stuff then its what you gotta do. Parents leave their children for far worse things all the time, your dh is supporting you! Sometimes you have to put what others say behind you and still do what is right for your family.

Mitzzi23 · January 2011

I'm sorry your friends aren't being more supportive. I agree with you about him going now when Avery is so young. She won't even know she is gone, whereas like you said if she was 6 she would be wondering and missing him everyday. Is your DH ok with missing milestones in her life? That is where the trade-off is. Avery will do so many new things while he is gone. How are you with being alone that long? Do you have family/other friends that could help if needed or give you a break to have adult time? I think the salary and being debt free is a great thing for a year of time. Keep us posted, we are here for you.

shelley1002 · January 2011

Sorry your IRL friends are not being supportive but you have to do what is right for you and your family not what your friends think.

A lot of our friends say the first year or 2 of a kids life is the best time to do something like this because the kid is too young to realize that daddy's gone. It sucks because he will miss so many of the big things.

There is a good chance that DH and I will be doing the same thing in a year or so - depending on when I get KU and when his orders come through.

Good luck. The time does go by quickly and skype is one of the best things in a situation like this.

tshott · January 2011

I'm sorry that your friends aren't being supportive. Some people just don't understand that different people make different decisions based on the goals that they have for their own lives. While I don't think that we would ever make a decision like that, I have no right to belittle your decision. I think that as long as you guys have talked about it and agree on it, it's your choice. I commend families who sacrifice for all of us.

katenney · January 2011

Wow--I am sorry that your friends are not being supportive. Know this, no matter what, you and your DH are doing what is best for your family and it is good that he will get to have time home, especially at her birthday. Good luck and remember, we're here for you!

lolabright · January 2011

sorry your friends are not supporting the hard decision that you and DH made. It will be hard to have a baby alone while he is gone, but you are right, now is the best time for it to happen. It's also good that he will be home every 4 months. With video chatting and everything at least he will be able to see Avery while he is away, and having him home for her first birthday will be great.

moviesprincess · January 2011

I am sorry!! That stinks that your friends are not supporting you. I know that on top of that difficult situation, it has to hurt that no one is there for you. While I am not sure I could make the same decision as you all, I think that it is great that you all are doing what you have to for your family. I also agree with you that it is better he goes now, rather than when she is older and can remember it.

MarJo03 · January 2011

My friends were in a similar situation. Her DH was deployed throughout most of their daughters first year. And yeah, it really sucked him missing out on all of the milestones she was going through that year, but it enabled my friend to be a sahm, and pay off debt, and I think she actually worked at a nursery at a gym part time for some extra money. Plus she was able to bring her child along, so she still didn't have to find a sitter.

It sucks, but it definitely sounds like the right decision for your family. I'm sorry your friends are being crappy and not being supportive. This is what you guys need to do, to provide what's best for your daughter.

Mouth*ofthe*South · January 2011

The first thing I thought was, "wow, what an incredible opportunity!". If we were in your shoes, we would do the exact same thing. How could you turn down the chance to triple your income, pay off debt and have some for savings AND stay home with Avery? Plus, like the others said, he will get to visit every couple of months, you can visit and you could always video chat. Good luck and I'm sorry you don't have more support from your friends.

Now_a_Swearingen · January 2011

Thanks so much ladies. It's super tough not having support IRL. I wasn't asking for approval, I was just asking for support from them. My parents are super supportive & have said they'd do anything to help. His family is mixed about it. His grandmother (who is SUPER protective of J) doesn't know yet. We havn't told her because we don't have details. No sense in bringing on that drama when we don't have details yet.

It made me feel better hearing that some of you know of similar situations & it turned out for the best. Thanks again.

brie&drew · January 2011

'm sorry you've got some people around you that aren't being supportive. I think this is a good time, like a lot of the other girls have said. Friends of ours are in the middle of a 1- year project somewhat like this. She's working for Shell in Qatar for 12 months and he's in Houston still. They don't have kids yet, so that's a little different. But she's been home to visit, he's travelled to see her, and they're getting to do some really cool stuff. It sounds like it's going to be a great thing for your family!

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