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Remember that mom...
that didn't want her daughter to have to try so hard in my mom's Spanish class? My mom ended up having a parent-teacher conference with both parents. It went surprisingly well with the mom backing down and seeming to realize she was in the wrong. But that's not the point of this post. The dad actually told my mom (with pride) that he usually leaves the kids' schooling to his wife because she does such a great job handling it. 
Ummm....what?! Here I am thinking DH and I will both be equally involved in all parts of our kids' lives. Both my parents sure knew everything that was going on in all three of our lives. (O.K., so there will eventually be one monthly part of Amelia's life DH will have nothing to do with.) This family is just full of zingers and I seriously pray their children don't turn out just like them.
Amelia is going to be a big sister!
Re: Remember that mom...
So I was thinking about this yesterday and trying to justify what the mom was saying. Like maybe she meant she wanted her daughter to spend more time on math and science instead of Spanish (no, I'm not saying those are more important than language but it's a better thought than 'I don't want her to work hard period.').
After reading that it's pretty apparent to me that she was probably thinking "I don't want her to work hard." That is so sad...and as Clint would say, "That's what's wrong with America." (Past examples of what's wrong with America: Twitter, Justin Bieber)
I didn't get a chance to respond to the original post, but I read it and just shook my head. It reminded me of an instance at the very beginning of fall semester where one of my students made a class change out of an Honors class, realized she was short on hours and freaked out. Her parents got involved, drove an hour north to come see me and her music advisor, and they ended up pulling her from an Intro to Lit class because it was "too hard" and they wanted her to focus on music.
Come on people. You're in COLLEGE now. You take the classes you need, you suck it up and you deal with it. And the course wasn't even hard - they just balked at the fact that she'd actually have to read books and write papers. It irritates the crap out of me when students step away from a "challenge."
I'm glad the conference went well, but man. I can't believe the dad said that. Even though my dad spent a lot of my growing up years devoted to the Army, he was still at my school events, knew what my grades were and knew if I was struggling and needed some help. Joe and I will both be involved in every aspect of our kiddos' school lives [although, he'll probably be the one coaching basketball, and I'll be the one as the homeroom mom]...I can't imagine just having one of us deliberately involved. Eesh.
First of all ... the parents are probably NOT of the same generation/mind set that you all are. It really isn't all that uncommon for one parent to be "more involved" in a child's activities/education/healthcare/etc. I think it's unfair to point fingers and say "I'll never be like that" when in fact, you really don't know how things will shake out. You THINK your DH will be involved, but you don't know just how involved he's going to be, or the reasons why he may not be involved. My dad was a shift worker ... he didn't get "involved" in our school issues - my mother handled those things. He knew what my grades were, he knew when we got in trouble at school, but he probably didn't know the details of what happened on a daily basis. My brother is dyslexic - my dad never attended any of the meetings for him, but my mom was at every one. Does that make my father a bad person? No. It doesn't. It made him unavailable to be there when they had those meetings, and believe it or not, he couldn't just tell someone he wasn't going to be at work because he had to go take care of something my mother could easily handle on her own.
Frankly, it is unlikely that both parents will be involved in "ever aspect" of their childrens' lives - school or otherwise - regardless of what you think right now when your children are babies. Things happen and it's not always possible for both parents to always be there for every single thing. And yes, parents pass off things they aren't good at handling to the one who IS good at handling those things. That goes beyond feminine issues and who's coaching ball versus being the homeroom parent ... my mother couldn't take me to appointments where I had oral surgery - she just couldn't handle it. My dad did those things. It doesn't make my mom a bad person - they both handled things the best they could.
My point is - don't judge what other parents do or say and think you're going to be different. Until you walk a mile in another person's shoes, you just don't know. Do you really think that someone who travels as frequently as say Marcy does, will be able to be at every single school function for her child, or that she'll be able to attend every single meeting at school? It's not likely ... but I have no doubt she's going to be a fantastic mother.
And finally, I won't lie - if I thought something was really difficult for my son I'd do whatever I needed to do to lessen that difficulty. For some kids, it's not about taking the easy way out. My son has had hell with Spanish - he's dyslexic. He has problems with his own language, let another another. I have toyed with the idea of pulling him out of Spanish - which means he would have to take a different path in school toward graduation - because it has been so stressful for him. And you can bet that if he continues to struggle with it (he is having to re-take Spanish 1 this year because he failed it last year) I will damn sure pull him out of that path at school and send him on his way to a "minimum" plan for graduation.
You don't know all the details of other people's lives, and you don't know what's going to happen in the future in your own. It's really easy to be out on the outside looking in and talking about all the things you won't do ... it's somewhat different once you're actually in that situation.
I never meant to imply that I expect DH to be actively involved in every part of Amelia's life, but I do expect him to know and care about the important parts. There's already plenty that I take care of without him, but if he wasn't at a doctor's appointment or whatever I certainly filled him in afterward. My dad travelled A LOT when I was growing up, and for about four years he had an 1-1/2 hour commute each way on top of the travelling. Obviously, my mom handled most aspects of daily life while he was gone, but my dad sure kept up as best he could. He would never have walked into a parent-teacher conference and declared that he didn't usually get involved in his daughter's schooling. He wasn't there for a lot of things, but I still think of him as a very involved dad. There's a difference between not being able, for whatever reason, to do something and choosing not to be involved. And, for me, your child's schooling is not something you simply choose to have your spouse "handle".
Your son's situation is totally different then this girl's. According to her grades she hasn't struggled with Spanish - she went from a solid B, to a high B, to a low A, so really there's no valid reason for her to be taken out of the class. The mom wasn't wanting to take her out of Spanish entirely just move her to one of the other Spanish teacher's classes, which coincedentally would be the same class her daughter's friend just got moved to. There's quite a difference between helping your struggling son who's seem to made a valid effort, to helping your daughter to "not have to try so hard".
I know the picture I have in my head of how I want things to go in the future is, most likely, going to be very different that then reality. My outlook on things will change as our life situation changes. But I also know there are just some things that will never fly when it comes to Amelia's upbringing. Dh having little to no interest in her schooling is on that list.
Amelia is going to be a big sister!