Oklahoma Nesties
fuzzylogic
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
S/O: Last week's UO and women
I was wondering if maybe some of the women in that thread would elaborate on anything that happened to make them think that 99% of women suck? How would you define a "high maintenance" friend?
I finally feel like I am meeting women with whom I have much in common, not just in interests but in values and morals. There aren't a lot of these women, I can count them on my fingers, but I probably currently have the best female friends (and acquaintances) I've ever had in my life.
Don't get me wrong; I've had friends in the past that were toxic, or high maintenance (according to my definition of the phrase), and I have cleared my life of those people. Despite that, I don't think that 99% of women are awful.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Re: S/O: Last week's UO and women
I think this is interesting, too. I haven't actually personally experienced anything like this since jr. high/high school.
I have a theory on it, but it may not be popular. Maybe I should save it for UO day.
Oh, hell.
My theory is that, in general, the only women who are "catty" to other women (some exceptions, of course) are women who generally have very little power in their lives otherwise. If you don't feel empowered at work, or home, or school, or whatever, you may try to gain a false sense of control by picking on someone you perceive as being lower down on the food chain (and, in most instances, that won't be a man.)
Man, I really think you're on to something with this theory. And fuzzy, I agree...I've definitely run into some bad apples, but I don't really think that the majority of women suck.
I could see that. I haven't really experienced anything like that since college, though.
I have several great friends that I really enjoy. I'm still trying to rid myself of the toxic relationships.
I don't enjoy making people feel badly. Which sucks, because whenever someone else makes me feel badly, I don't usually "stick it to them" and drop them as a friend.
I have made steps to make new friends. That's part of why I joined the board. I have made pretty great strides putting distance between myself and the few people I'm referring to.
Even on this board, there has been so much dramatic BS between some of the girls that it makes me sick. I'm not involved in it, but I hear about it. Some of it's even about me/directed toward me. I don't get involved or add fuel to the fire. Something about being around other women creates jealousy and insecurity in some people.
I need to cut out the people who suck. It's my own fault at this point. I'm getting there.
Maybe it will get better in my 30s?
Edited.I think your theory is 100% accurate. Definitely not an UO!
I think everyone who has posted so far has valid points that I agree with. And it's so fitting that Mean Girls in on TV right now..
There are very few female friends that I have kept in touch with over the years, and I do think that Amanjay's theory probably has a lot to do with that. There was one friend in particular who would get extremely jealous whenever one of her girlfriends got into a serious relationship that took attention away from her, and she would trash talk the SO. She did this several times to me, but when she did it again when I was dating/got engaged to DH, that was the last straw. In the end this person alienated the majority of people she went to high school and college with, which is sad to me. My best friend was a victim of this same person, and since they had been childhood friends... well, it's sad to me. Jealous friend wasn't a bad person at heart, just... misguided and lacking self esteem, which became toxic to others.
It's a work in progress, but I don't want to be that catty/dramatic girl that is not there for her friends or is creating drama. I know I'm not perfect, but I work hard to be a good person overall.
my bookshelf!
Bloggy
I totally agree with that. I haven't really gone through that since college, either - most of the people I kept in my life over the years grew up and away from this catty dramatic crap, and the others have long since stopped talking to me. But I will never understand why girls are like that toward one another. Honestly, that's why I don't have a lot of girlfriends - I got so tired of dealing with the drama that I started hanging out with guys more often. I have a very small circle of girls that are close to me. Maybe when we move, that'll change...
This is what amazes me. I mean, this is an internet message forum - people can say and be whoever they like - it doesn't matter. It's amazing to me that anyone would care enough to create a fuss, you know?
I also have just in the past few years found a group of friends (men and women) that I really jive with and get along with well. We are all honest with each other. None of us "do" the backstabbing, petty BS. I wouldn't hang around with them if they did.
That said, I'm self-aware enough to know that in my group, I'm the total drama queen, crazy one. I bring my drama from the outside (mostly in the form of boys) though, don't get it from the group, if that makes any sense.
I'm very, very curious what has gone down among the so-called "nestie besties" that prompted the UO last week.
I don't know what it is about me in particular, but quite honestly I haven't had much problems with women. I grew up with 4 sisters and am generally the type of friend that has had the same friends since high school/college.
I get weary of drama quick, I stay away and that's that. I don't find women catty as if there is something that I didn't like I don't make friends with them.
Now that's interesting
I will have to politely disagree with you, Allison, that "high maintenance" is self-explanatory. I think that it is very possible that some people have different levels of tolerance for certain behaviors that could be labeled high maintenance and so they don't consider them to be.
It gets harder with the military... it is such a small (no matter how big the base) of women that instead of "cattiness" you get the rank card. A load of women from our previous commands chose this as an outlet, who my husband is depicts who I am... of course I am not making it generalized, merely stating this was a resounding rhetoric for me.
I found myself friends with colleagues and friends of civilians... :-)
Boymom, I'm actually glad it wasn't somthing like that. But like I said, I like the drama. Just not between my friends and me.
The nestie besties are falling apart at the seams
Put your bid in now lol. Just like BoyMom my UO had nothing to do with the besties. Sorry! More of a work scenario.