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A cold medication fueled realization [long and rambling]
I am very lucky to live in the bubble I live in. My parents are together and alive, my family generally like each other. I have a great husband and a great job, and, chest cold aside, I have my health.
But here's the thing: when we all entered this marriage journey thing together, I never would have expected so much bad stuff to happen to us, to our families, to our friends. And though I consider myself a fairly grounded person, I think I'm guilty of buying into the image of how life is supposed to be.
But, in the meantime, life has been what it is, rather than what it's supposed to be. We've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, children, dreams... I've discovered, in talking about some of your losses, that more of my friends have had miscarriages than not. Things we thought would happen didn't. Things we thought would be easy aren't. Things we never dreamt would happen did.
And yet, out of all this crap, when I look around the room at all of you - and you are all present and in this room (hm, too much cold medication speaking here?), I see some of the bravest women I know. Because bravery isn't about being free of fear or pain; bravery is about being scared and upset and in pain but choosing not to run from it.
And so, I'm so sorry for all the crap everyone has had to go through. It's stupid and sh!tty and I can't even imagine how you guys are able to function. And this is just something ridiculous and small and will NEVER make up for a loss - but you're all inspirations for me. I've always believed that you find out who you really are and what you're really capable of when life pulls you down to your lowest. And you, all of you, are amazing. You've faced some serious darkness and you haven't turned away. I can only hope that, when my turn comes (and we'll all face those moments of loss), that I can manage it with half the strength that I've seen on this board.
Re: A cold medication fueled realization [long and rambling]
((Hugs))
... the only thing that keeps me grounded is by putting things in perspective and realizing, amidst the crap we have to deal with is that it could be worse. When P's cousin's H passed away a week after the m/c it really made us realize how lucky we were. We still had each other, we have our parents, we have health... etc. In talking about a lot of our friends who have seemingly "perfect" looking lives (those with happy families, easy and healhty pregnancies, nice houses/good jobs etc, etc) most of them have dealt with some sort of trauma we haven't.... loss of a parent, sibiling, etc. Maybe this is the storm we had to weather to move on and get to the good stuff.... life isn't fair to anyone. It's just something I have to remind myself of whenever I get down....
BFP#1 11.2.10 | EDD 7.9.11 | HB 7w2d & 8w4d | missed M/C 11w2d | D&E 12.21.10
FSH at 14.5 - 4.21.11 | CCCT - (CD3 8.8,CD10 12.2)| dx w/ DOR @ 28 yrs old
IUI#1 + clomid 8.29.11 (our anniversary)
BFP#2 9.10.11 | EDD 5.21.12 | beta 1 @ 14dpi:232 | beta 2 @17dpi:703 | beta 3 @24dpi:7,174
Baby A HB of 142(7w), 161(8w), 164(9w) | Baby B no HB, Vanishing Twin
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
I agree with all of that. I admire the women of this board so much and although I've dealt with my share of grief and life is unfair moments, I can't imagine how I'd fare going through some of what you have gone through.
TTC since October 2010 | BFP 12/29/11 | RRQ BORN 08/26/12
planned | married | blogged
Oh man, that post totally sounds like I'm the drunk girl at the party...
"No, I LOVE you guys... like... I loooove you".
I stand by the sentiment, if not the actual words.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
This made me cry, but in a good way.
ETA: That may be the biggest compliment that anyone has ever said to/about me.
The Daily Nugget
Cycle 12, IUI #1 - 33m post wash 10/15/10 = BFN
Cycle 13, IUI #2 - 15m post wash 11/16/10 = BFP, missed m/c, D&C 1/3/11
Cycle 15 - 18, IUI #3-6 = BFN
Cycle 20, IUI #7 = BFP!, missed m/c 9/14, D&C
DE-IVF Aug. 2012: ER 8/30 11R, 7M, 4F; ET 9/4 returned 2
Beta 9/18 #1-820, #2-1699, #3-7124
10/1 1st u/s measuring right on track, 125 bpm
((claps))
That was very well written kaesha.
As cynical as it may sound, I usually come back to statistics. Something like 1 in 10 known pregnancies end in m/c, and since a lot of people here are on the ball with charting and such, I'd say we've got a higher % of known pregnancies than say the general public. Statistically speaking, several of us will experience a m/c. I know that doesn't make it easier to handle for those that have been dealt that card, and I don't intend to demean anyone's loss, it's just where my sciencey brain goes.
We'll just not tell H about this little fact, m'kay?
This post is full of awesomeness! Seriously, I just cried at my desk a little. I can't imagine going through what some of you ladies have, and honestly I commend you all.
I will admit there was a time when I didn't feel like I fit in, but after the wedding I did. You ladies keep me sane without you even knowing it. This board is my escape.
With that said I also say group hug!
Wow, what a compliment to all the ladies of this board! I totally agree that this board is a wonderful place to come to with whatever problems/happy stuff we may be facing at the time. It is such a supportive place full of wonderful people who try to help others be even better people.
Add me for the group hug!
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
BFP 5/2/11, missed m/c, D&C 6/13/11
BFP 12/8/11--Little Girl E Born 8/22/12
Now jumping domestically.
Well that was a crazy couple of years.
Very well put Kaesha! I agree, you ladies are pretty amazing.
I missed a few of the important loss posts but I wanted to let those ladies know that my heart goes out to you. You ladies have some incredible strength!
Count me in the group hug!
Jess & Waylon 08.08.09 ~ My Blog!