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Grrrrr...

MIL vent: So, as I mentioned Lily is behind average on her gross motor skills. Her pediatrician is happy with where she is (we got to cancel the appointment with the neurologist - whoohoo!), but she's not even close to crawling, doesn't scoot forward on her belly, and she still doesn't roll over. She sits really well and can stand holding onto something, though. Her fine motor skills are great though, but no one cares that she could feed herself puffs one at a time at 6-1/2 months :P

Anyway, so now MIL is on this kick about worrying about Lily's development and keeps comparing her to perfect SIL's baby (V). "Well, V crawled at 7 months. V could pulled to stand at 6-1/2 months. V is started cruising at 8-1/2 months" And she keeps questioning if we are giving Lily enough floor time - Meaning, she thinks it's OUR FAULT that Lily is a bit behind. Greg keeps telling her "our pedi says she is fine and EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT" but MIL keeps harping on it. Angry

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Re: Grrrrr...

  • I'm so sorry you're dealing with that; I'm sure it's so frustrating!  Especially because she sounds so normal.  Marcus didn't crawl until close to 9 months...he would push backwards a little but didn't scoot forward.  And he had no interest in rolling over until he could crawl.  Everyone knows someone who's baby starts this and that early and then they become the yardstick which all other babies need to be measured by.  Then once she hits 10 months everyone will ask you "She's not walking yet??" because they know some baby that started walking when they were 8 months.  It's ridiculous and people just don't know!
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  • Argh, that's so annoying.  

    For more comparison in Lily's favor, Owen didn't crawl until 10.5 months (after scooting backwards for about a month or so), and like Marcus, wasn't really into rolling  that much until he could actually go somewhere.  

    My nephew (born same day, remember) was doing a modified crawl at some ridiculous age like 6 or 7 months, and by 8 months was walking by holding on to someone's hands....but then 12.5 months rolled around and guess who took his first steps unassisted first -- Owen!  In that category, he was running rings around my nephew for a few weeks.  Owen also has a huge vocabulary and never shuts up, counts pretty high, recites the alphabet, etc. and my nephew only has about half (if not less) of Owen's words.  But my nephew is really musical and sings in tune all the time and dances -- Owen sings but is tuneless and has only one dance move that he rarely busts out.  My nephew can climb a ladder; Owen can't....the list goes on and on.  Two kids with the exact same birthday and mothers with very very similar parenting styles.  So yes -- every kid is definitely different.

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  • To put it into another perspective altogether.... now that the boys are almost 2.. I can't even remember when they started to do all those things! Hopefully MIL doesn't continue this comparison for the rest of their lives because that will just be hard on Lily and V, you and YH and his B and SIL to be constantly compared when Lily or V do something before the other...
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  • Try not to let it get to you (easier said than done).  Tell your MIL it's not a race!

    FWIW, Helen didn't even sit up until 7 months.  She crawled at 10.5 months and walked at 13 months. 

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  • Someone needs to tell MIL that it's not cool to compare.  And hello....it's not your fault.  Why do MILs always need to stick their nose in? 
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  • yes every baby is different!  I get so worried about T.  She doesn't say Mama or Dada or anything...just babbles tons.  She is doing an army crawl thing but never up on her hands and knees, although she knows how to do that and then she just rocks for a few seconds.

    Lilly will do it in her own time and as long as her MD's are happy, MIL can go screw! :)

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  • But on the up side Greg has chilled out :)

     

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  • imagegrahamsm3:

    But on the up side Greg has chilled out :)

     

    Hahahaha. Good point!

    DH got off the phone and started telling me about their conversation - he was like "It's not that she thinks you are a bad mom, it's that she thinks V does things because of what SIL does with her." I was like "Right. Same thing!" LOL. Oh well. I just hope the comparisons don't continue because, like you guys mentioned, they are going to be different their entire lives!

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  • OMG I would be livid at those comparisons.  You don't need to have that on top of the regular worrying that every mom does.  She'll hit those milestones when she's ready, and in the meantime you & YH are obviously giving her plenty of opportunities to get stronger so she needs to back off.

    And FWIW, as an occupational therapist I am SO proud of Lillian for feeding herself puffs one at a time at 6 1/2 months!!  That's fantastic and she's way ahead of the curve there   :o). 

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    Kristen, Chad, Jake, Katie & Sadie the Wonderdog, est. 6/17/06
  • First off, great that Greg has chilled out and definitely try as hard as you can to ignore MIL. Babies do their own thing on their own time. If SIL IS doing something and forcing V to do things that is bad too. I hate all of these comparisons. 

    Caroline has a cousin who is 6 weeks younger and a boy. MIL is always talking down about him, how he still can't crawl, sit up etc. I tell her not to compare him to Caroline, he's a totally different baby and if his needs are being met, then he just doesn't feel the need to crawl! I'll then get the flip side of "he as 5 teeth already" Caroline got her first 2 weeks ago and the second is coming in now. Sorry, I can't help that she was a late bloomer in the tooth dept. Who cares?!?!

    Caroline has only been eating puffs one at a time for a couple of weeks now so way to go Lillian!  She also couldn't sit up on her own, she liked to side lean, until after she learned to stand. 

    I hope these comparisons stop as these kids get older, but I'm doubtful. Nothing like destroying a child's self esteem.  

  • I agree with pps-- and that has to be the most annoying thing to hear. I mean, doesn't it just want to make you start hanging out with MIL even more??

    Can you tell her (right before you land a throat punch), "well, I guess it just makes it easier, then, for you to love V more than Lily. Lily and I will just have to go on living our less-than-perfect lives." 

    Witch. 

    "Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky." -- Ranier Maria Rilke BabyFruit Ticker image Me:37 MH:38 TTC since Oct 2011 BFP/Beta#1: 13 6/20/12; Beta#2: 20 6/22/12; MC/Beta#3: 9 6/27/12 BFP#2/Beta#1: 9/21/12 S/PAIFW
  • Grrr is right.

    I'd like to think I would end up telling her some kind of flippant remark about our decision to purposely not teach her to crawl, just because it's easier to keep track of her that way. Then let MIL go with that one...perhaps if she repeats it a time or two she may hear just how ridiculous it is to accuse you and your DH of such a thing....

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