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Woman on top...maybe tmi
I am a member over on the Knot, but they don't seem to have the right board over there...
So here goes... I've been with my boyfriend for six months. He is absolutely wonderful and is perfect for me. However, sex is the most difficult part of our relationship. I love the woman-on-top position. It's the only position that works for me, due to the right pressure and being able to keep my legs straight. My boyfriend, however, cannot keep an erection in that position. Once in a while, if I'm close enough after he climaxes, we can roll over and try woman-on-top. But this doesn't always work. This whole situation can lead to frustration, of course. We have talked about this. He's open to trying new things. It gets frustrating knowing that the one thing that works for me, doesn't work for him. And that sometimes leads to me not wanting sex as much.
I have a couple questions related to this. 1. Is there anything we can do to keep him hard in that position, or is there any other position we can try that would maybe feel similar? 2. Has anyone else had a similar situation, where perhaps you and your husband were not as sexually compatible, but were compatible in so many other ways? Where you entered into a marriage anyway, despite some incompatibilities in the bedroom? Did things turn out well or was it a constant struggle?
Thanks for your thoughts!
Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
Re: Woman on top...maybe tmi
Yeah, the "unable to keep an erection" seems like kind of a red flag, I'd maybe talk to a doctor. .
I wouldn't instantly assume you are sexually incompatible, maybe something else is going on here. I'm sure you are frustrated, but I would try talking to a doctor and in the meantime try a c-ring.
Firstly, he should immediately start regular 'pelvic floor' excercises, or 'Kegels',..whatever name you prefer, as they will help a lot in both improving the quality of his erections and also their reliability.
However, could there be some some factors concerning basic sexual attitudes going on here? Whatever he says about you being 'on-top', does he equate sex with 'the man has to be the controller or doer' who HAS to be on top?
Alternatively, does he find your being on top of him degrading or unpleasant in some other way?.....remember he may not find it easy to tell you for fear of hurting your feelings. Perhaps he feels that with you physically on top of him he has lost the ability to actually make love to you and this may be very neccessary for him to 'feel' and effective lover.
Thanks for your responses.
He hasn't visited a doctor yet. I did ask my doctor if it's something that can change and she said maybe not.
We tried a vibrating c-ring and while the vibrations were fun, it didn't help the erection issue.
We aren't using condoms, so that's not the issue.
I can keep my legs straight because I lay down on top of him more than sit upright. We have tried alternating between those position, so he can get more up/down motion than back and forth, but he seems to need more movement than I can provide him even in cowgirl.
I'm not sure that it's an attitude toward sex issue. It certainly could be, but he tries so hard to please me and is also frustrated that it doesn't work on top. He says the pressure on the pubic bone is uncomfortable for him.
We will try a vibe between us when he's on top and see how that works.
I had one suggestion of a we-vibe, so I will try that too. I'm hoping we can find what works, most of the time anyway.
Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
This actually sounds pretty normal to me. I'm a big fan on being on top, but there usually isn't enough in-and-out to keep my guys hard (past and present.) I also agree with the OP that this doesn't sound like an "attitude toward sex" issue.
I'm guessing that this vibrating c*ckring you've used is one of those super stretchy, jelly types? (I work in a sex toy store.) Try a silicone or nitrile ring, they are stronger and work much better.
I would also recommend you experiment a little more to find other positions that get you off. I'm guessing your guy might be a little sad or frustrated that you can only get off in this one position, and if my guy insisted on the same position all the time that didn't work for me so he could get off, I'd be a little miffed. Clearly you're capable of having orgasms through intercourse, so it shouldn't be too difficult to find other positions that work! Sometimes a standard position with a slight tweak can bring amazing sensations. A new one that we just discovered is a combination of spooning and laying on my stomach, with his legs outside of mine. He says the sensations are amazing, we can look at each other and kiss, and it usually makes me come at least 4 times.
I think that you might want to look at what about that position gets you off. Sounds like the straight leg position gives you more clitoral stimulation than other positions.
Perhaps you can do woman on top with more hip movement to grind on his pelvic bone. Have him put a pillow under his butt to elevate his pelvis to make this easier.
Perhaps you can lay on your stomach, pillow under your hips, legs straight and have him enter you from behind, but prone position. You might get enough friction that way.
Perhaps you can scissor. Lay on your side with one leg up in the air and one straight out on the bed...like a giant L. Then your partner can enter you with his legs on either side of your body. You might get some additional friction from his thigh.
View this as "the Orgasm Hunt". Make this fun. Perhaps get some exotic sex book and try a different position every time to see is there is something that works.
Okay, now that you have elaborated on the position I think I get it. It sounds like you are grinding on his pubic bone to have a clitoral orgasm. Is that right? Why not just get a bullet vibe and use it for positions that you both can enjoy? Is there any reason that wouldn't work for you? Alternatively, you H can give you a hand in WOT or doggy and you can give yourself a hand in missionary.
I think you are really dependent on this one position it get off. You need to wean yourself off of it or else you will never teach your body how to get off any other way. Orgasms during PIV sex don't come naturally for most women, it's a learned response.
I can see why your H isn't a fan of what you are describing.
Sit up on top and touch your clitoris yourself while riding him. Also, there is another position that is basically doing what you are doing now, but he's on top. However, he has to be between your legs, and you are laying on your back with your legs/hips turned as if you are on your side. Your heads are both up but you are pretty scissored in this position. Hmm it is kind of hard to explain but it's pretty amazing. I'm trying to think how we get there. It sounds uncomfortable but it's not.