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How'd you do ask your BMs and GMs?
Hello Ladies- I was wondering about this because when I got married I asked my bridesmaids to stand up in my wedding all around the same time like within a few weeks of one another (two were out of town so it took longer to get together with them to ask them in person.) My husband asked his groomsmen around the same time also. We tried very hard not discussing with anyone before we asked them.
There's a couple in our group who recently got engaged, the wedding is not till late 2012, and they have already asked 'some' people to stand up in our group. My husband was asked already. I'm a little hurt because I've been friends with the groom since college (He used to date my best friend; after they broke up my husband and I still remained friends with him.) The groom also has told me multiple times that he wants and hopes I will stand up in his wedding (this was a few months before he got engaged.) I'm not close to the bride, but she's not really close to anyone in our group. I've tried multiply times to welcome her in to our group but she's very hesitant (and the groom is aware of this.) The groom told my husband that she is still debating on who else to have has bridesmaids and it's between me, another friend, and possibly a family member. I just don't understand why you would start asking people knowning they all talk to eachother on a regular basis, and publically say you are 'not sure' about other people. Maybe it's better I'm not a part of her bridal party-It's not supposed to be a contest.
Re: How'd you do ask your BMs and GMs?
I agree with KB -- I would be so pissed at DH if he did something like that. No one should know what the bride is contemplating unless she told them (which would be pretty inconsiderate).
In your situation though, I don't think I would be upset -- I would never expect to stand up on the groom's side (I know people do this but in my reality it doesnt really happen) and I wouldn't want to be on the bride's side because she needed enough people. Being in a wedding isn't exactly the highlight of my life -- it's expensive, time consuming, and requires work (if you want to be a good bridesmaid) so I prefer to do it for good friends so that it doesnt feel like an obligation but its something I want to be a part of. I wouldnt want to do it in a situation like you are describing.
As for how we asked our BM/GM -- we called them -- I had called all of my BMs within 2 days of getting engaged and asked them, there was no question in my mind who it would be. DH called his GM over the next couple of months -- and there was a decent gap between when he asked the first one and when he asked the last one because he was struggling with whether to include one guy or not. However, the one he was questionable about did not hang out with the others so there wasn't really much risk of them talking to each other.
HomemadebyHolman
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What they said.
If you're not chosen to the WP, be happy. Two of you in the WP is definitely costly.
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I'm just going to say "ditto" to everything that was said before me.
Also, can we get an introduction? I notice you're a June '09 Bride. Did you get a new screenname? We're a welcoming bunch around these parts, but we do like to know who we're talking to
Thanks for the advice. I think I needed to vent and get it out....I don't want to talk about with any our friends. I thought about it over the past week, and I am probally upset manily because the groom started the 'rumor' or whatever it is about the bridesmaids and talked to me about it before talking to the bride it seems. (I just thought it was a little inconsiderate that most of group was asked already, and only 3 of us were not.) Yes, I would rather be in the bridal party for a good friend, not to fill a space or make it a contest.
Yes, I am a June 09 Bride. I haven't been on the site in a long time.
sorry, for the double posts.