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Work hours affecting relationship
I work as a dispatcher on rotating shifts so more often than not that means my husband and I are on completely different schedules and sleep schedules. I work graveyard shifts so I am waking up when he gets home and going to bed when he is waking up. It is a job I have worked really hard to get, but being married now I feel guilty because we dont get to spend time together. He brought it up over dinner and I am starting to see that he is concerned. He and I want to start a family
in the near future but he is concerned that we would be raising the baby seperately
or depending on our family to watch the baby a lot.
Does anyone else have odd hours, or have you gone through a time when you feel like your relationship is taking a back seat to your job? I feel like on one hand I know we can make it work, but on the other I dont want to make my husband feel like I dont care about spending time with him
Thoughts?
Re: Work hours affecting relationship
I don't have exactly the same dilemma, but my job requires me to take call and be available at a moments notice (at all hours). This definitely puts a damper on things because it sometimes affects both of our sleep and what we do on the weekends. He's very supportive but we have had many discussions on what the future should be. Plus, I'm not happy there. The result: I don't plan on keeping this up much longer.
I decided to go into this career before my husband and I even met. Now, he means more to me than anything. He's an amazing husband and there's nothing that I want more than to keep the good relationship we have. He's more important than my carrer.
You have to ask yourself what's more important to you? Can you change careers or find another job with day hours? Sounds to me that if you're posting this question, you already know the answer in your heart.
I wish you the best of luck and a wonderful future
Been there done that. Have you tried scheduling a date night or a weekend away together? I know this might mean taking some time off. Is it possible for one of you to stay up and extra hour? Is it possible to sync your days off together?
Dh had a stretch of about 7 months where he was working 13-14 hour days. Fortunately it was a temporary situation, and I was supremely patient during that time. He also felt bad that he couldn't even contribute to stuff around the house, much less spend much time with me.
Is there a possibility that you'll be on a more "normal" shift in the future, or is this a permanent thing unless you find another job?
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I haven't personally been in this situation, but my best friend and her boyfriend have been for years. And they do an amazing job at making it work. Their strategy is that when they do have time together, they make the most of it. Both of them get ample time to sit at home alone and watch TV, so they make sure when they're off work together, they don't sit at home and watch TV. They go out to dinner, they see shows, they go to museums. They make sure they're spending quality time all the time they're together.
Another thing I would recommend is communicating in new ways. I'm currently unemployed and my BF is at work almost 13 hours a day. It means so much to me when he sends me a text during the day or leaves me a note in the morning when he leaves. That extra communication during the day makes a difference to me.
My husband hated my last job, which was during retail hours. He despised every minute of it. He told me at least once a week that I should quit. It wasn't until the hours screwed up almost everything in my life that I decided to quit though. I loved the work I did, but I was getting migraines from the weird sleep schedule and I even started hallucinating.
I ended up finding a Mon-Fri job and I like it a lot better, but I still end up working later than he does. He doesn't complain about my new job. He doesn't mind the evenings as long as I have the weekends off.
One of my coworkers though, is married to a nurse. He is like you and your DH. He rarely sees his wife during the week since they work opposite hours.
My recommendation to you is to take advantage of any opportunity you have to text him or email him during the day so he knows you are thinking about him. Make sure you go out on dates regularly. When you are together, make sure there is no distractions and that you're with him, not half asleep or on the computer, etc.
I don't know what to say about the childcare situation though. I don't have kids, so I'm not very helpful in that area.