Family Matters
doglove
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL and SIL DD?
Anyone catch it?
Re: MIL and SIL DD?
Oh, that DD is such crap! What? She couldn't anticipate that some people would say that she needed to plan the wedding she could afford?? And you can't control other people, only yourself.
And I was VERY nice to say that as much as she thought things "should" be different, it was ruining what could be a very happy life.
I guess she wasn't interested in getting advice, just people to say "poor dear, what an awful MIL".
Is this what you were looking for?
Major issues with MIL and SIL
This is such a long story. So for this post, I will only talk about my MIL, as she is the cause of everything anyways. I got married this past summer, and we have not spoken to my husband's mother since the wedding. A few reasons why: She blackmailed us and told us and sent us a list of things that we HAD to do in order for her to contribute to the wedding (and when I say contribute I mean that she was paying for all of her guests PLUS so extra elements, such as charter bus transportation for our guests that she INSISTED we MUST have). She also threatened me and said that there would be consequences in my life if I did not sign a pre-nup as well as telling me that if I pt my name on the house that my husband was using inheritance money to buy (even though I pay mortgage payments!) that I would suffer consequences as well. ALSO-she had offered to throw me a shower in her hometown (since I am from another state) and then tried to back out at the last minute when her daughter got engaged (she no longer wanted to contribute to our wedding as soon as that happened). She told my mother that its not her job and that she was being nice and that I am not her daughter so I am not her problem. These are just a FEW of the horrible things that she did. Bottom line, we ended up paying for her half of the wedding ourselves, still let her come to the wedding, and on the night before the big day she got into an argument with my husband and threatened to cause a problem at the wedding itself. We have not spoken a word to her since we left for the honeymoon the next day. My husband has had some problems with her in the past. I have always gotten along with her until her daughter got engaged and she tried to not be involved in our wedding anymore. The house, wedding, and everything all happened at the same time, so all of this literally went down in like four month's time. NOW I pretty much hate her and can't even stand to hear anything about her. It causes some problems between my husband and I because I get so angry and we have started going to talk to someone about it....although he is completely on board with never speaking to her again. She has never stepped foot into our new home, did not give us a wedding gift or even a card, yet we treated her just like a normal MOG and she participated in the ceremony and we even let her be escorted in by her new husband.
Side note--We DO speak all the time to his father...they are divorced.
Can anyone please tell me what they think? Any advice? Anyone share something close? I would love to have someone to talk to about this...it's a horrible situation. I love my husband, and we have been together for almost 8 years, but this is really putting a damper on how life should be. It's especially rough because I have no local family of my own, so it's especially painful to be treated this way and to see my husband have to put up with this horrible person.
Frustrated beyond belief...
She blackmailed us and told us and sent us a list of things that we HAD to do in order for her to contribute to the wedding (and when I say contribute I mean that she was paying for all of her guests PLUS so extra elements, such as charter bus transportation for our guests that she INSISTED we MUST have). She also threatened me and said that there would be consequences in my life if I did not sign a pre-nup as well as telling me that if I pt my name on the house that my husband was using inheritance money to buy (even though I pay mortgage payments!) that I would suffer consequences as well.
first of all, she did not FORCE you to do anything, you are both adults and anything you did you did by your own choice! that whole part of your post made me give you the
Hard for me to take the rest seriously.
Please tell us you did not sign a pre-nup??? Is your name on the house?
It causes some problems between my husband and I because I get so angry and we have started going to talk to someone about it..
If your H knows what a bitoch she is i dont understand why it is a problem for the 2 of you. Has he agreed to cut her out 100%? Why are you 2 discussing her at all? How is she causing problems?
This may be more of a H problem than you think.
It sounds like your DH doesn't want her in his life either. I would follow his lead.
Your husband hasn't spoken to her since your wedding last summer?
What's the problem, if he has cut her off?
Hope is not a strategy.
This all happened two months before the wedding, so invite had already been sent out...she was supposed to pay for her entire guest list and then because I wouldn't/didn't sign anything and DID put my name on the house, she left us in a lurch by taking all the money away that we had budgeted for her people...And if we had elminated her entire guest list we would have been so much under our minimum head count that we would have been paying the same amount in for none of them to be there as we were for them all to be there..
She locked us in to something that we ended up being responsible for. We had to come up with the money for all of those people in order to lead our lives the way we wanted.
I would be angry if I were in your shoes. My suggestion is to talk to a therapist, work on your anger/resentment about the situation and move on. The longer you continue to be mad, the more control she is still having over your lives. It seems to me that you and your DH are on the same page and don't have any immediate plans to have a relationship with that women. So, the sooner you move on from this anger, the sooner you can get back to having a nice, peaceful life.
If your DH doesn't want to talk to her then there is no problem, except you letting the past kill your future happiness. She is out of your lives. She cost you money and that is nothing compared to her costing you to fight about it. Let it go.
If in the event he wants to ever have a relationship with her then you can decide how much you want to be included in it and what boundaries. Get counseling to deal with this issue.