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I am talking this through for myself
Feel free to ignore.
Yesterday, boss approached me to see if I would be okay taking over the holistic employee wellness program we have at our hospital. My officemate, the communications director, has been doing it for the last 6 years, but "they" would like her to focus her time entirely on communications and cut the employee relations out of job.
Whether or not I actually want to head up this program is a whole 'nother animal. As is, I don't like it, but we're going through some strategic processes and I will be able to change it to my liking.
What I am having a hard time with is the idea that I have a really good case now for working a full 40 hour week. DH thinks I should do it. Since I'm hourly, it's basically a 20% pay raise. We could really use the money since we have three big long term goals (paying off my student loans by the end of this year, saving for a van and a truck to buy in ~4 years, and saving to buy/build a house once we've bought the vehicles).
It's not that I don't want to work the extra day. Right now, I like my job and the people I work with for the most part, and I enjoy coming to work. Things have improved tremendously since I came back from leave and I'm performing at a top level.
What I'm struggling with mainly revolves around the baby. I love having the extra day with her. I love not having to pump on Fridays. I hate the idea of sending her to the babysitter an extra day- it's not that I don't like the sitter, but I hate hearing every day what May has done "out of the norm" because I feel like I am going to be judged if I don't take her to the doctor (not to mention she questions my doctor's decisions on everything, which is just her personality, but it annoys me).
I already feel guilty about taking time to do things for me (like going to the salon), and if she goes to the sitter an extra day, it is only going to get worse. I wanted to start seeing if Clint could take her to his mom's for a couple hours on Saturdays so I could get the house clean uninterrupted but I don't want to do that if I only see her for an hour before she goes to bed each night and then on the weekends.
I know I need to do what's best for us, which in this case is probably working the extra day to get more money. I am trying to think of ways to make this better. Maybe starting out with only half days on Fridays for awhile and seeing if Clint will watch her those days. Maybe seeing if my boss would be amenable to me working from home. Generally we are not allowed to work from home, but right now I have conditional approval as long as what I'm doing has been run by him and it is project oriented (i.e. produces measurable results, like writing a newsletter or doing a mailing).
I'm about to go into a brainstorming meeting for the program to see how things can go...hopefully it helps guide me on what I need to do. This is all compounded with my issues with that douchenozzle yesterday and DH bringing up a sensitive issue that happened in my past that I don't like to talk about, so I'm already down. Add in my supply is low because of the stress and I'm not pumping as much as I need to today...perpetuates the cycle.
Okay sorry for whining.
Re: I am talking this through for myself
Awww honey!! I agree that you have to do what's in the best interest for you and your family (you, Clint and May). I think you should sit down with Clint tonight and talk to him about the pros and cons of you working the extra day. I mean really pour out what you are saying in this post. I think it's really important, and he should know your feelings about this issue. Then, the two of yall decide what will be the best route.
((HUGS))
I completely agree, make sure he hears all of your concerns and why you're struggling. Who knows, you might be surprised at his reaction?
I was struggling a bit with this when I received the job offer. H and I had pretty much come to terms that I would file for unemployment and were kinda happy that I'd be home with the baby. But, me accepting the job was the smartest move financially for us. It actually took H longer to be ok with it, he was worried that I would regret missing out on that time at home. This took me by surprise since he was not at all for me staying home when we first started talking about trying.
That's a tough decision to make.
FWIW: this is how I feel about me working more or working less: I know lots of working moms who say that since their time with their kids is limited, they make every moment count. While I think that was true when I was working, it just wasn't enough for me. I don't want to go back to being away from my family for 50 hours/week. Now that we're getting used to living on less money, I'm going to work through our budget again and see if we can't make it with me only working 20-30 hours/week. When I worked it out a few months ago, it was not possible, but now it might be. It would be good to have extra money to put in savings and pay off my student loans, but Nate's only going to be this age once, if I don't get to spend time with him now, I'm missing it.
I like this idea. Or a work from home day, which you said *might* be possible. None of us can tell you the answer, which you know. It's what's best for the family financially vs quality of life (which fits into the financial part too). Whatever you decide, it will be the right decision though. Good luck!
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Thanks, ladies.
I am a little bit calmer about it today and have a few weeks before I'm officially in charge of it, so I have time to decide.
We are not charged by the day so it will make no difference in the price of babysitting.
I think I will just take it week by week and see what needs to happen.