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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
XP: I meet with a realtor Monday - UPDATED further down
Im happy to get this ball rolling, but I am not excited at all to take her to the house. I have no idea what kind of state its in, I haven't seen it in 2 weeks. I so worried STBXH has trashed the place even more. Im so worried about all the money that Im going to lose in the house. The realtor flat out told me that its great that he's not on any of the paperwork, since we dont have to go through his red tape, but that also means that he can sidle me with all of the debt and walk away scott free. Its making me crazy!! Once it's listed, we start the short sale paper work. So if anyone knows anyone who wants a cute little "As Is" house 5 minutes from the beach, let me know. 
Ugh, I just wish this was over. ETA: I didn't think to add this before I posted and ran, sorry! He had until this weekend to move out. All of the stuff that's left in the house will be sold on craigslist if there is any. I was making things easier for him at first, because I wanted him to assume the house and refi into his name, but once he made the final decision to move out I told him he had to take his stuff and leave. He's currently paying me his half of the mortgage and I was taking care of the bill so he couldn't just take my money and run. Also, he's said since the beginning that he will pay his half until we dont have the house anymore, but if he doesn't the mortgage company told me to just pay my half and call them up and explain what's going on, since that's better than just not paying anything since he's not paying anymore. I was just letting him do his thing because I feel bad for him, but about two weeks ago I decided that I cant just let him do what he wants. He's been doing what he wants for the past 3 years, its time for me to do what I want. This time last week I was ready to change the locks on him and sell all of his crap because he was giving me money problems, but we worked that out, but I still told him he had until the 24th to move out. Im done being nice to him, he was never nice to me.
Ugh, I just wish this was over. ETA: I didn't think to add this before I posted and ran, sorry! He had until this weekend to move out. All of the stuff that's left in the house will be sold on craigslist if there is any. I was making things easier for him at first, because I wanted him to assume the house and refi into his name, but once he made the final decision to move out I told him he had to take his stuff and leave. He's currently paying me his half of the mortgage and I was taking care of the bill so he couldn't just take my money and run. Also, he's said since the beginning that he will pay his half until we dont have the house anymore, but if he doesn't the mortgage company told me to just pay my half and call them up and explain what's going on, since that's better than just not paying anything since he's not paying anymore. I was just letting him do his thing because I feel bad for him, but about two weeks ago I decided that I cant just let him do what he wants. He's been doing what he wants for the past 3 years, its time for me to do what I want. This time last week I was ready to change the locks on him and sell all of his crap because he was giving me money problems, but we worked that out, but I still told him he had until the 24th to move out. Im done being nice to him, he was never nice to me. 
Re: XP: I meet with a realtor Monday - UPDATED further down
I mean this in the least contrary or snarky way possible, but why is he still living in the house?? Why are you even giving him the opportunity to "trash" the place more? His name is not the house at all - yours is. So you're the one who faces the consequences of any damage he may do.
I understand wanting to sell the house and be done with it, but why is he still there? Does he have family he can move in with?
Wait.... what?!
Your name is all over it, yet he's the one living in it. I can't wrap my mind around that. Who is paying the bills for it? If its him, how do you even know that he's actually paying? He could be defaulting on YOUR mortgage. Even if you don't want it, get him out now! Clean the place up as much as you can & get that sucker sold.
Its time to quit letting him have any control over your life at all. Take care of YOURSELF for the long run. He is NOT your problem anymore.
I had an amazing talk with the realtor today and was very pleasantly surprised by the condition of the house. The office was still a mess, but the rest was cleared out and pretty much empty. He's going to completely empty it by this weekend (ugh!) and then I will clean it. I might even drop the money on a professional cleaner to help. The realtor said that I only need to empty it, clean it, and pressure wash the outside and leave the rest "as is" which is totally do-able.
The short sale is probably going to turn out a lot better than I thought it would. I realized that I would have to sell the house for WAY less that what I paid and then I figured I would have to settle with the loan company for an astronomical amount and it would follow me around on my credit for the rest of my life. Well, that's not really the case. I will have to "settle" the amount, but then I write a letter of some word I cant remember and then the lender will most likely (90% likely) offer me a discrepancy waiver and I wont have to pay a dime, or just a very small amount. She told me that she has a client right now that just short sold his house on the beach and is already under contract on another house in town. Its not that I want to buy another house tomorrow, I obviously cant, but to know that this wont haunt me forever is amazing. I could not believe it when she said this. I almost started to cry tears of joy. She said that in the last 3 years lenders have completely changed how they do things and they are signing off these amounts because people just cant pay them. She also said that I am the perfect candidate to have the whole amount waived because Im young, in a part time job, a full time student and Im getting a divorce. She estimates that the house could be on the market for about 7 months, but my house is the cheapest on the block, so that will work in my favor and we will accept any and all offers and work with them.
So all in all, Im probably going to get some sleep tonight! This stupid house has been keeping me awake for weeks.
On top of it all, I had to call X see if his parents were going to let him leave the shed and the dishwasher (the paid for both, and we all know how XMIL handles things she's paid for, a la car mats) and he wanted to just talk and talk. It was so weird. He acted like nothing was going on and asked me about Salty and told me about Manny and Joey and how our old furniture fits in his old room, blah blah blah. My mom says that my dad does the same thing to her and he's practically throwing her under the bus in their divorce right now. Men suck. For reals.
Anyways, it was a very good meeting and now Im just waiting for my listing and then to start the short sale paperwork with my lender. Thanks for the good thoughts and advice ladies. It means a lot!
Let me know if you ever want to talk. I'm more than happy to listen.
Good luck to you in everything you're going through right now, Laner.
Howeever I do question some of the things your REA told you. I doubt she has a customer that short sold a house and is now under contract on another house without some serious shady dealings or if they came into some serious cash somehow.
Banks have changed how they look at things and while yes, while they are more likely to sign off on principal forgiveness with letters of hardship and due to extenuating circumstances; they are also more stringent in their guidelines as to who they give new loans to.
Short sales, short payoffs and forgiveness of debt will still be looked at by most banks for a minimum of 36 months from when it happened. And a lot of compensating factors have to occur before a new loan will be given. Plus rates and fees are much higher for these types of borrowers as well.
I'm not saying it isn't the right thing for you to do in your circumstance, but I think you should be aware of the real possibilities rather than the rosy picture your REA painted.
Well since Im not planning on getting a loan for at least 3 years down the road, I dont have much to worry about in that area. Im just happy its not going to haunt me for years and years like I thought.