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Dreading this week: vent
I am dreading tonight and the rest of the week. It is horrible! I am dreading it because this week is our turn for the stepkids. UGH! I feel so guilty feeling that way. But during our weeks, I am so stressed I wanna pull my hair out, DH and I are frustrated and so bicker, and I feel emotionally drained. This is every other week!
My stepkids don't have discipline at their mom's and at our house they have it very consistently. I have never gotten on to them until last time they were here. I took it as I'm a mommy now and really can't bite my tongue anymore and wait for DH to possibly do something. I have to keep on him to be consistent because he feels bad about discipline when his kids whine. But I want them to be better in life and be socially acceptable. But anyway...I got onto SS three times total during the week... 1. not to suck his thumb (he is 8), 2. clean off his seat and table because he had food everywhere, and 3, not to play with his silverware when rinsing them off because he got water/soap everywhere. So of course, he complained to DH and said he doesn't love me anymore and doesn't think he should have to love me.
This caused a fight with DH and me. Apparently I'm too critical with his kids. But aren't I supposed to be a parent to them too? And these were general rules we already have set up, that the kids know! Ugh anyway, I'm not looking forward to this week, as usual...the stress is giving me a migraine now. Thanks for the vent.
Re: Dreading this week: vent
Do you take them to go do fun things? Are you active with them, or do you guys stay at the house? Sometimes discipline issues are nothing that a good two hours at the Jump Zone won't fix.
Sucking his thumb is not something he's doing to be hateful toward anyone, he's just being a kid and he has a bad habit. That's something that I would remind him kindly about...not scold for. Cleaning off his own seat is perfectly reasonable. At eight, he should have some responsibilities while he is at your home. I completely agree with you there. Playing with his silverware? That's being a boy. Water and soap aren't going to hurt anything, really. Let him do it a few times and then tell him okay, time to go do something else. Getting on his ass about everything isn't going to help him--pick your battles.
He's bored. They will love you and you will be less stressed if you take them somewhere to be active. An evening at Chuck E Cheese after school, taking them to the Y to play basketball, going to a roller skating rink...they're all things you need to do while you have the kids. Rent a fun movie they'll like. Make pizzas together at home. Buy a few age appropriate board games.
You have a new baby and you're stressed. I understand and sympathize wit you there. I am glad you have this as an outlet to vent, and I hope you don't take my comments to you as me being rude/bitchy in any way. Maybe if you see them having some fun, you'll enjoy them more.
I agree that in some instances you need to pick your battles. SS sucking his thumb is not that big of a deal (eventhough he is 8 this maybe his way of coping) and he will grow out of it.
I think planning fun things to do with the kids show them that you are interested in being involved with them. Game nights are always fun!
Also, don't mean to make this sound snarky, but if the disciplining or the lack thereof is so frustrating to you maybe it would be better to have DH do it. I know you feel like you need to be their parent also but if SS is going back to DH to complain about a way you handled something than I think the kids are being to resent you. And maybe see that you and DH are begining to fight more and see it as a way to get you two divided.
I don't know if you mentioned this in your previous posts but I think DH and his kids' mom need to get together and try to find a way to discipline so that they are on the same page.
I am not saying we ride their asses all day long. Because actually we only have to just remind them to behave and they will. SS was just mad at me because I never remind him, only DH does. We chose to do this till they got more used to me. Now that it's been forever! It is time for me to step up and take part in parenting, rather them seeing me just as fun stepmom.
Sorry for some reason I couldn't bold what I wrote within your quotes!
I'm not trying to argue with you guys, just giving more details. Which is helping me realize I am doing the right thing with them. I'm the only one who knows what truly goes on here and it is just going to be a continuous battle we will face but get through eventually!
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a b!tch but do you think your kidlets are picking up on your negative nelly attitude? I do. I am dreading tonight and the rest of the week. It is horrible! I am dreading it because this week is our turn for the stepkids. You make the situation and if your attitude is already negative well that's what you're going to get. I know when my mind is made up about something every little thing annoys me. And I fear this is the case with your sk. They could be on their best behavior but fault would be found somehow. YKWIM?
Don't stress over things you can't control. You can't control the way they are outside of your house. I think you need to continue to bite your tongue until you and your h set boundaries over discipline. If he always does the discipline and all of the sudden you take over and start cracking the whip they won't ever respect you and in return won't preform for you. I realize it's your house your rules but it can't be this way until you and your h sit down and equally take an active role in discipline. It can't just be him or you, it needs to be both of you firm and loving. I have to keep on him to be consistent because he feels bad about discipline when his kids whine. Do you think he feels badly because whining isn't always a punishable offense? Is whining not part of human nature including ours as adults?
not to suck his thumb (he is 8) After a certain age sucking your thumb is a comfort thing or a control issue. Once you talk to him and make him comfortable it will most likely stop. It's also a control thing. It's the one thing in his life he can control so he does it. It isn't hurting anything and no one is going to label you a stepmonster because you let ss suck his thumb. Have you asked why he does it?
You have a right to be active in their lives but maybe step back and adjust your attitude first and see if things don't get a little better.
(no flames sorry if it seemed that way.)