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HTW: How much help would you give your high school senior?
So the Foundation I manage offers scholarship money to local seniors who plan to pursue secondary studies in the health field after graduation. I send out the applications to the schools who share the information with their students, including posting on their websites.
I had a mom call me this morning telling me she saw our application on the school's website and went to our website but couldn't find the form, so could I please fax it to her for her son.
I can pretty much guarantee you that this kid will not be getting the scholarship. If he doesn't have the initiative to look for a scholarship on his own, and then figure out how to apply for it (which equals going to his guidance counselor- which he should have done in the first place), he doesn't show the type of leadership we look for in scholarship recipients.
I think his mother is doing him a great disservice by doing this for him. WDYT?
My opinion comes from the fact that it was made clear to me that I would be paying for my own college, so if I wanted to pay less, then I would look for scholarships. Even if my parents had paid for my school, they may have required me to look for scholarships to make it less for them, but by no means would my mom have done the leg work to get me to find and apply for scholarships.
Re: HTW: How much help would you give your high school senior?
I do think his mother is doing him a disservice.
I was very fortunate in having my parents pay for my college education; however, I was on my own in writing my essays & everything on the application, paying for the applications, and submitting scholarship forms. They had a BIG say as to where I applied for the most part; so when we were touring we made the decision on where I would apply together.
I work in an admissions office at a college.
Although I typically deal with adult students, I find that each year HS seniors become more and more dependant on their parents when it comes to EVERY aspect of their lives (making dr's appts, college applications, etc).
I think as the generations go on, it gets worse and worse when it comes to "soon to be" adults and taking responsibilities on themselves.
I think prompting them, like Rachel said, is acceptable. Mentioning that they should look into xyz's scholarship or go to this website to research it. Prepping them for college is also essentially prepping them for the rest of their life, so doing the work for them does them no good in the long run.
I understand as a parent, it's probably hard to sit back and not take a handle/control on things like this, but I think parents need to think about the best way to guide them into adulthood.
My parents helped with half of the tuition needed (I ended up getting a full scholarship to the business school I attended mid-freshman year), but I did apply for and receive many small scholarships that I qualified for, fully knowing I did not have the half I needed to come to the table with. I'm thankful that between all of those, I've been college debt free for several years.
sigh. helicopter parents. the joys of working in higher ed.
When I was in admissions, I got phone calls from parents all the time - but I kind of expected that because, as a society, teens seem lazy to me nowadays. But when I started working as an advisor, I thought that would stop.
Wrong.
I've gotten phone calls from parents who are filling out the application for their high school seniors, and they have questions. Um, shouldn't your kid be filling that out? It's the easiest application in the world - there are no essays required. Just fill in the blanks, pop in the mail and boom. Done. I've even had some parents call and e-mail me asking about stuff their student should be asking me about. I just cite FERPA and tell them to have the kid talk to me him/herself. Good gracious.
Joe and I are setting up college funds to help our kids pay for college, but in no way are we doing the legwork for them. They're still going to need to find scholarships, do the whole application process, follow deadlines etc. None of this helicopter parent business - they're grown. They can do it themselves. Helicopter parents annoy me to no end.
I think it's a terrible disservice for the parents to be doing all the work for the kids.
I think the most help I got from my parents was proof reading stuff that I wrote, and if one of my parents heard about a scholarship, they would tell me about it, but after that, I was on my own.
Oh, and the drove/flew me to a bajillion auditions for both admissions and scholarships (I was a music major). That was profoundly helpful. They were very supportive.
My senior year was the 1987-1988 school year, so I certainly can't be classified as a "kid these days." What I remember:
My parents paid 100% for college. There was never any question that that's what was going to happen, especially since it was "understood" probably from the moment of my conception that I'd be going to college and grad school. My guidance counselor was very involved, and I remember her making appointments with me to talk college. I'm sure I made some with her as well. My parents also met with me with the guidance counselor to discuss colleges, financial aid, and scholarships. I don't remember, but I'd imagine my parents scheduled those appointments. My parents were very involved in getting everything done, though I did fill out my own applications and write my own essays (which were then proofread by my mom and my English teacher, her offer). Both parents came with me to visit colleges and we chose them together. They paid for my applications and helped me fill out the financial aid forms.
Honestly, I don't think they did me a disservice at all. I was already responsible, whether because of or despite their help. You'd never have been able to judge that, though, from seeing the level and extent of assistance... which is why I think it's wrong to judge. You can't know the entirety of a person's life and why the parental assistance is there. Here I am, 20-something years later, having supported myself for many years, married, house, pets, and mucking about as a lawyer in the lives of other people who trust me. My sis got the same treatment and is a veterinarian, married, baby, pets, house, and supporting herself for many years as well. So... yeah... I don't think it's necessarily as big an issue as you think it is. And I honestly don't get the tendency I see a lot on the Nest to cut a kid off at 18.
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I will definitely not be researching and requesting scholarship info for my kids. My parents brought me to the campus for a tour, paid my application fees, and reviewed my personal statements. Other than that, I was on my own for the application process. I had 75% of my tuition paid for by the state of FL, and they covered the other 25%, plus paid for my housing. I had to get a job sophomore year so that I could pay for food and fun stuff.
I really want to be able to help our kids go to college, because I think it's a non-issue that they will go to college. Even if it's a junior college or a tech school, whatever they want that will help get them into a career.
DH's parents didn't help them at all, and have said numerous times that if they want to go to school then they have to pay for it themselves. I have a lot of issues with that, but mainly I think it's just wrong. You can't get very far these days without a college education, and what 18 year old can afford college all on their own? I get so mad sometimes because I know DH would have gone farther with school, done well, and gotten a good job right out of college if he had some help. But because he was doing it himself he stopped after his AA in order to work full time.
So long story short: I will help my kids financially if I can afford it, but they have to take the steps on their own.
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Because I lived on campus, a meal plan was required and my parents paid for that too.
Funny, though, I had a joint bank account with them that they'd just deposit into for my spending money. I've always hated asking for/taking money from them, so my sophomore year I got a job shelving books at the campus libary for spending money... and when my mom found out she made me quit. She said, "College is for school and for fun. We'll give you the money."
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Sorry, ladies, but I'm gonna disagree with most of you here. It's really easy to say you're not going to do something for your high school senior when your baby isn't born or is less than a year or two old. It's not a disservice for a parent to assist a child with their college scholarship applications - we aren't talking about some stupid award that they can try for again later if they don't get it the first time. For a lot of kids, this is the ONLY way they're going to college, and if a parent cannot afford to pay all of a child's college expenses, helping them secure the financing may be just as important for the parent as it is for the student.
I really have to wonder if you all will turn loose your kids quite as easily and quickly as you all think you will. I am a bit disappointed that so many here are so quick to rush to judgment when they don't know the whole story, and don't know why the parent is assisting the kid. I know that if my dyslexic son asked for my help to get college applications and such together, I'd absolutely do everything I could to help him. Same with my perfectly fine daughter - I will help her if/when she asks for help.
I don't think anyone here is saying that a child who has a disability (or ANY child in that matter) should be let lose at 18. I don't find it acceptable that I've seen parents try to FORGE their childs signature on a college application because their child was too lazy to sign the application themselves. It takes a certain effort on a High School seniors part to make sure they get their stuff in order.
Forging a signature is way overboard. But calling for info if you've got the time and the kid's in school and can't call during business hours? Or asking for a fax if you've got access to one in your office and the kid doesn't?
Those are on completely different ends of the spectrum.
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Exactly. Whether my kid had a learning disability or not, I'd try to help them get the funding for college ... I don't care if they're 18 or 48, I'll help where I can. No one said anything about signing an application. Geez.
And this is why it's a hot topic!
We weren't trying to get to an agreement. Nobody believes in to each their own more than me. I'm just saying, that's how it looks to me- as someone who is awarding a scholarship for leadership, having someone other than the student do the work does not say "leader." That's fine if they need extra help to get scholarships done, not all kids are ready for it, but this is for someone who takes charge, is self-motivated and can do things on their own.
For example, the girl we awarded it to last year moved here from Vietnam with her family when she was 12, and in that time learned English, negotiated terms of things like her parents rent, health insurance, etc., and had been working as a CNA for the last two years to help her family out and save money for college.