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Bride's Attendant?
Hi ladies,
I thought I'd poll you to get a better feel for what this is, as I know several of you are in the mid-West... I was asked by a friend to be her Bride's Attendant at her wedding in June in Wisconsin (she already has her wedding party established, so I'm not a part of it). I've *never* heard of this before - we don't do this in California, but I get the idea it's something done in the mid-West fairly frequently.
What exactly is a Bride's Attendant, and what duties am I expected to perform? I don't know the area (never been to Wisconsin), the family, etc. so I'm a bit apprehensive. I've googled, but didn't find anything definitive. I've read "be the bride's b*tch for the day of - do anything she wants" to "it's just an honorific title" so I have no idea what I'm really supposed to do. Is this a good thing? Am I invited to the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner? I'm just a bit clueless..
Thanks in advance 
Re: Bride's Attendant?
hmmm... I don't think I've heard of it. The quick thing I just pulled up sounds like a more personal coordinator? If this is the case, I'd imagine you'd go to the rehearsal... you probably even help start the wedding party walking down the aisle, keep things on schedule? Do you know if she has a coordinator hired?
Thats my guess :P
I always thought it was someone to do the running around and skirt fluffing.
This is what I pulled from some random website:
Personal Attendants
This special position is somewhat of a mystery. Many people use this position as an honorary title, but it also has many duties. The personal attendant should be a person with wonderful organizational abilities, as well as, the ability to keep to a specific schedule. They will also be in charge of ensuring the activities run smoothly the morning of the wedding.Pre-Wedding- Attend the post wedding brunch
- Offer to transport guests to the airport
- Attend all activities invited to
- Help address invitations
- Learn to bustle the brides train
- Help plan and/or decorate pre-wedding activities (if asked to)
- Prepare an emergency bag for the bride (lipstick, perfume, deodorant,
pins, scissors, needles, thread (white, the color of
bridesmaids dresses, black for the tuxedos), hair spray, bobby pins,
brush, snaps, hooks and eyes, pantyhose and nail polish (clear and colored)
Wedding Day- Keep the bride on schedule (if you will be with her that day)
- Pin flowers on the guests, parents and party attendants
- Transport the flowers from the church to the reception site
- Transport any items for the attendants from the church to the reception site
- Help decorate the reception hall
- Keep track of the pictures taken by the photographer
- Fix any last minute emergencies
- Assist the ushers with greeting guests as they enter the ceremony site
- Help clean up the reception hall (if service is not provided by the hall)
- Help deliver the gifts
Post WeddingI will be the first mid-westerner to bite
I had a Personal Attendant, and it is a "mid-west" thing, I don't think I know many people that haven't had them.
Mine was actually from CA (weird huh?), anyway she got here a few days before the wedding and we made all the programs, and she was invited to the rehearsal dinner. She actually spent the night with me after the RD, but so did almost all of my BM's, we had a nice slumber party. On the wedding day she drove me to the church and hung with us all day, she did have to be a bit of a B*itch but I don't think she minded, she steamed all of the dresses and had the option to get her hair done if she wanted, then she drove me to get my make-up done and helped me get dressed. I must say it was nice to have her there to help!
Also from Cali, I've never heard of this, but I see it as sort of offensive, like hey, I didn't think enough of you to be in my bridal party, but I still want you to do all this sh*t for me.
Like, I helped a friend out for her wedding, setting up centerpieces, but I offered (which she did not offer to help me, nor did she or her husband give us a wedding gift, but I digress...)
Anywho, those are my thoughts as an outsider, never hearing of it and totally going of the name and a slight description.
Though it doesn't sound as bad as Ashlee described...
Yeah... I hope this isn't what the bride actually meant, but this is how I, personally, would interpret being asked. Unless I wasn't super close to her. Like a day-of coordinator, but that isn't what she asked. I'd want to be paid, or at least compensated in some way.
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Like Ashlee I also had a Bride's Attendant. The main reason I asked someone is when I was in my sister's wedding I was so busy helping her get ready that I only ended up having 20 minutes to get my hair and makeup done and then also get dressed. I did not want her to feel as rushed and stressed as I did that day trying to get everything done for her as well as myself so I asked a friend to be my Bride's Attendant.
I picked her up Friday afternoon and she went with us to get manis/pedis, finish last minute preparations for the reception hall, went to the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner, stayed the night with me and the bridesmaids in the hotel.
On Saturday I had a list of things for her such as giving my car keys to my brother so he could pull the car around, putting snacks into the rooms for the girls and guys, helping me get dressed, put cake toppers on cake when it arrived, etc. I did not consider this a b*tch job because it was things that needed to be done that I could not do.
The last thing I want to say is I asked her as a recent bride to be my bride's attendant. She completely understood why I asked and was not offended that she was not in the bridal party. My bridal party consisted of family and close friends that I have had for over 10 years. And I was not in her wedding, but I helped her with a lot of her wedding planning and I was not offended in the least. I think if you are going to ask someone it is someone you genuinely want to be around you helping you on your big day.
Hope that helps
)
I guess I didn't think it sounded that bad.
In my defense, I didn't ask her to be a member of my bridal party because again she lives in CA and has for quite a few years and before that lived in Nebraska, so while we are close we are not that close anymore. But when she came home for my wedding she told us that she was pregnant and we are planning her babyshower here in March and going to see her after she has the baby.
As Heather said, I had one because I also wanted to have someone that I trusted do things that I knew I wouldn't be able to do and I also knew that the bridesmaids might not have time to do these things either.
I think Heather hit it on the head...I've heard of this and do consider it kind of a "b!tch" job but also as a courtesy to give you some kind of responsibility b/c you weren't selected to be in the BP.
However, while it does consist of mundane tasks (kind of like DOC), I think the bride probably choice you b/c #1-she trusts you to get things done and get them done properly and #2-as pp's said, you're a recent bride and would know how stuff works/just "get it"
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I'm going to be the jerk and say this is one "honor" I'd decline. I don't see anything listed that you wouldn't ask (ASK, not demand) your bridesmaids/MOH or your family to help you and your fiance with, so why the need for someone else? It's one thing to volunteer for the job, but I'd be pretty offended if I was asked by someone to essentially be their free DOC. Even if it meant they "trust" me. But that's just my opinion.