Would You Attend?

kelliejo83 · January 2011

Wedding is a destination wedding but only parents and siblings of the bride and groom are invited.

Reception is held in the town where the bride and groom live, a little over a month after the wedding. Friends and family are invited. The reception is on a Saturday and starts at 7:30pm. Fingerfoods and cake will be served.

Would you attend? Respectfully decline? Send a gift? Any thoughts on this format? Did anyone do this type of thing for their own wedding?

munkii · January 2011

No I wouldn't attend simply because that's my dinnertime, and they're not serving dinner. However, some people will say, "but you can eat beforehand," uh, no I can't--I'm on a schedule. Rant over...

If they were having a wedding in-town and you were invited, would you attend? If so, and you don't have a problem with the timing, go. If not, are these people close enough to you that you would normally send a gift? Basically, just treat it like a standard wedding.

wittyschaffy · January 2011

I'd attend - but I love receptions and they are my favorite part of a wedding day's celebrations. There are folks who say that you can easily eat (quantity wise) more appetizers worth of food than you'd have on plated meal so just because it is "finger food" doesn't mean that you'll necessariliy go hungry.

Muffin'sMom · January 2011

It bothers me, unless they say no gifts. I'm happy to celebrate, but I wasn't at the "wedding", so why would I buy a wedding gift. Whether I would go would depend on how close a friend or relative it is.

karma007 · January 2011

I don't think I'd go. But basically because I'm lazy. If you need an excuse to get dressed up and get out of the house, go for it! Or if you think there will be other guests you would like to catch up with.

Milliechel67 · January 2011

I'd unless it was someone I didn't feel really connected too -- same as a wedding & reception in my book.

mandyandmike2009 · January 2011

I would go and buy a gift, but that is just me. I LOVE to go to parties and I LOVE to buy gifts for other people. I know I'm weird, but finding the right gift for someone makes me feel great. It's an excuse to go shopping too.

101709lovey · January 2011

I'm late on this but...

I agree w/ PP's about whether or not you are close to these people. If not, I wouldn't go, but that's just me. I like the reception part, but there would have to be a good driving reason for me to attend. GL!

amyngreg · January 2011

I wouldn't decline just because of the destination wedding/ at-home reception thing, or the finger-foods at 7:30PM.

It would depend on how close I am to them, and where their heart is, so to speak. If they genuinely just want to celebrate with and include everyone, I would attend, bring a gift, and enjoy it.

But if I wasn't that close to them, or they were being tacky about it and making it into a second wedding of sorts, I probably wouldn't attend or send a gift. Just seems kind of AW-ish to me.

kelnyc · January 2011

I would go. We have close friends do this on a Sunday at a local restaurant in NYC. They had passed heavy hors d'oeuvres, and open bar, and red velvet cupcakes. It was actually really, really nice and you'd be surprised how full you can get on that! Even though it was a work night, we still went out with a bunch of people and the bride and groom afterwards until the wee hours. I was hung over at work the next day, but it was so worth it! All that being said, if they aren't terribly important people in your life and you just really feel like not going, then don't. But don't let their decision to not serve a sit-down meal be the reason.

munkii · January 2011

This is merely a comment to the "you'd be surprised how easy it is to get full group." The description doesn't mention regular or heavy appetizers, it mentions finger foods. There is a big difference--at least to me there is. There is nothing wrong with holding a heavy app reception on Saturday night. However, finger foods and cake belongs in the afternoon--just MO.

I'm sticking with my original statement that you should go if you would have attended the wedding. Unless, of course, you're put off by the situation.

kelliejo83 · January 2011

Thanks, everyone! I really just wanted to see if people were put off or "offended" in any way by being invited to the reception but not the wedding. You guys are a lot nicer than I would be, haha!

Unfortunately, we do have to go to this one. I was just curious as to what kind of turn out they'll have. I feel like a lot of people would opt not to come, but I guess that may not be the case.

In case anyone is curious, the "finger foods" are a veggie tray, a fruit tray, toasted ravioli, and meatballs. Not enough to get full, IMHO, but I think people will have already eaten, so I guess that's ok. The reception is turning kind of ugly with the bride (my sister) and our parents because my parents want to pay for things (like an at-least-partially open bar) and she is saying no. It feels like she doesn't care about her guests even though I'm sure she doesn't mean for it to come across that way.

I wondered if the lack of an invite to the wedding and lack of dinner at the reception would make it seem like they just wanted you to come and bring a gift and leave. I guess I'm glad it didn't come across that way to most of you guys! I'll keep you posted as to what happens!

wittyschaffy · January 2011

FWIW - we had an in town ceremony with just our parents, siblings, grandparents, godparents and spouses of our attendants followed by a big party for ALL friends and family a few hours later. (we served a full meal as well as appetizers and had wine/beer/soda/water hosted). The location of our ceremony is meaningful to DH and I but is super small. We were already having it on a Friday so it just ended up working best to keep the wedding small rather than expecting that our guests take off work to attend.

2dBride · February 2011

We had a DW for basically just immediate family, and then an at-home reception with many more people three days later. Of course, in our case, the DW was involuntary, since at the time none of the states in our area had same-sex marriage. And we didn't invite everyone to the DW because we didn't want people to feel obligated to travel 8 hours away for a wedding at noon on a Tuesday.

The reception was at 8:00 on a Friday night. We served heavy hors d'oeuvres (heavy and plentiful enough so people could have made a dinner out of them), a chocolate fountain, an open bar, and cake. We had music and dancing, and a photo booth. No one seemed to be offended at just being invited to the reception, although that may in part have been because they knew we hadn't had the option to have a local ceremony.

The other thing is that we have a somewhat unusual social circle. A friend of ours wrote (in reference to a different wedding he recently went to), "it's just struck me that weddings in these circles are often quiet events, with a village feel to them. Not small town, but even tinier, with little separation between 'people helping out' and 'guests'...there's a sense of community to these things, even when I don't know most of the people there." That was definitely the case for us. Lots of our guests volunteered to help out with everything from set-up to running the photobooth. And that sense of community was much more important to us than having the "perfect" professionally put-together wedding.

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