Sex & Romance
JacquelineTyler
member
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Date Night died after the Wedding.............
I want to first off saying I'm not looking for ideas for date night for my DH and I, I just want to know if there are anyother women out there dealing with the same thing as me.
My DH and I got married 4months ago and it seems as though date night died once we said "I Do". We still have romance in our relationship and still have sex..alot but going to the movies or going to dinner, even going for ice cream has stopped. My DH's idea of quality time together involves me him and the tv.
We don't have kids yet, so its not like we have to worry about finding a babysitter, so I guess I just don't know what gives.
I'm not asking for us to go out all the time but I think its healthy for us to go out once in a while.
Am I wrong? Help me out ladies!
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Re: Date Night died after the Wedding.............
Cross out "TV" from "involves me, him and the TV" and what do you have?:)
I'm serious: cut out watching so much TV. I personally think TV sucks and I don't watch much of TV, only a very few TV shows.:)
Why can't you rekindle the date nights? Don't wait for him to pick up the ball.
Agree! Why don't you plan a date. Tell him when and where and what to wear if you have to. Half of the time it's just convincing my H that he's not as tired as he thinks he is after work. Once we're out - it's fun for all!
Personally, I think that is pretty common. Married life is a lot different than dating. I don't mean that as a bad thing, and yes I sometimes miss when DH and I were dating for various reasons and going out restaurants and movies a lot, but it is expensive. Our date night changed after the wedding. I have tried to institute a "formal" date night on a regular basis, making a plan to go out and do something, but it hasn't happened as often as DH or I would like, mainly because of finances and our budget. Don't get me wrong, we still go out to dinner sometimes or to the movies or something like that, but it isn't the same as when we were dating (we don't have kids either, BTW).
I think your situation sounds a little different than what I said, but I can understand where you are coming from and why that would be bothering you. I would try talking to him about it. Once DH and I talked about having one, it was something we both try to do more often.
I don't watch alot of tv, thats just my DH's idea of quality time. And believe me I've tried!
I'll make the reservation and plan the evening and he always complains or makes plans with his friends and guilts me into letting him go.
I would kindof like my "boyfriend" back for a night instead of my "husband", Just so I can have date night again
You should probably just have a good ol' honest conversation with him and tell him what you said above. If he's a good guy he'll realize your needs are important to and go out with you. Communication!!!!
How far in advance to you plan these nights? do you ask him first or just plan not knowing if he can even do that day? talk to him, tell him it's important that you spend more time together out side of the house. And then make a plan to do something the following friday (not that day, not the day after) plan ahead and keep him in the loop as to why this is important to you (not "I really want to see this movie, or "we never do anything") but because "I feel like we're losing track of the 'us time' or the 'romance', that we might be falling into a routine and I really need to change it")
I always plan at least three days ahead when I know our schedules are clear and I'll even make it a point to remind him the moring of saying "I'm so excited for tonight".
I work 9-5 he works 7-3 so usually around 3:30 I get a text saying, oh the guys asked me to or so and so needs my help and I give in because I'm at work and can't fight with him.
His friends all have g/fs but most of them work shift work so those guys can get away with it. I work a straight schedule and don't think its alot to ask. DH has never been the romantic type and I'm fine with that, I just want a night out once in a while and he seems to think its not a big deal.
Then it's probably time to sit down and have a serious talk with him and tell him exactly how important to you this is. Let him know exactly how you feel (he might really not know) "When we make plans it is really important to me that you follow through with them, I feel like your friends sometimes come before me and it hurts, I feel like we're not as close as we were and I really need that time with you outside of the house to stay connected and to keep our relationship first" or something like that. But tell him how important it actually is to you and why. and if he still tries to cancel tell him "I really need to do this with you tonight" and leave it at that...hopefully he wouldn't be dumb enough to respond with another excuse and he'll just do it.
Good luck!
Keep us updated on what happens:)
Your not wrong
We've been going through the same, so I totally know how you feel. Except its more like him, the TV and the cat...I'm usually not incuded which is usually why I am either doing HW, reading or on The Nest. On Sunday we did nothing at all, didn't leave the house once... just watched TV and did laundry. At the end of the day he said "See thats what I view as a good time, doing nothing".
We moved to a new town about four months ago and don't really have any couple friends, so we don't have other couples to go out with. He used to plan all kinds of things to do with our friends before. Now I am the one who has to come up with the idea to do something because I'll just loose my mind if I sit at home all night, especially on a Friday or Saturday night (I mean come on, we're 23!!!!).
Usually I want to go out after a test or a big presentation at work just to relieve some stress because I have too much pent up energy. We are graduate students, so our lives are pretty stressful. His idea of relaxation is laying around doing nothing, while my idea or relaxation expell all the stress by doing fun things!
Things are looking up tho. We started a gardening project, so we have been spending alot of time together doing that. Lately since the weather has been nice were we live, we have been going on hikes on saturdays, walks through our schools bitanical gardens and spending time at the beach.
Tell him you'll blow him if he takes you on a date. I bet $100 you get your date on Friday.
Yes, date nights dwindle away if you both don't try to make it happen and plan ahead. We have been in a slump lately of too much tv/movie watching too.
Try suggesting something more active than going out for dinner and a movie. That is our usual thing, but last weekend we decided to go bowling and it was a blast! We played 3 games and both agreed we need to do things like that more often. When you go to a movie there isn't as many chances for fun, flirting, and good conversation. Here's some other ideas he may like:
Dave and Busters www.daveandbusters.com
Laser Tag/indoor mini golf/arcade
Walking/hiking
Ice skating/rollerblading
Volunteer
Drive to a nearby city (under an hour away) and explore new places
Host a card party or game night with friends
Good luck!
I don't think it's a bad thing that while your husband has settled down, you're still desiring to go out with him and have fun together. In my marriage, my husband is the one who instigates our outtings and I typically am content just relaxing at home. It has nothing to do with how I feel about him, it's just our personalities; I'm a homebody, and always have been. I'm known by everyone in my life as being so - often my friends tease me about it. My husband however loves going out to eat, going to movies, spending time with friends and family, and trying new things together.
Despite my natural inclination I almost always agree to his suggestions because even if I don't feel up to it, I know once we do it I have a fabulous time, appreciate his initiative, and feel closer to him. As a result, I now often take the initiative myself and often ask him out too because I know it will be great and important in our relationship.
I suggest that you take up the responsibility of going out on dates with him. It doesn't have to be much, just some kind of outting for you two that doesn't involve vegging out on the couch with TV all night. During the date, focus on having fun and avoid any conversation that revolves around your to do list as a couple or anything that is typical "home" conversations with married couples. Hopefully, the more you do it the more natural it will feel for both of you to have a night out whether it's once a week or once a month; (but try for once a week ^_^).