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Vent....pretty long
So, I apologize right away if this sounds winey. Ugh. I also apologize that this is going to be very, very long.
Most of you know that DH was working at the Christmas Tree farm, and orgininally we were planning on gradually taking over the business from his uncle. This was in October 2009. DH graduated in May 2009 with his Masters in Business Administration, and he quit his job (not MBA related) to be manager of the tree farm. He did 100% of the work the past year or so, and the farm had its two best years on record.
DH's Uncle (we call him UJ) has bipolar disorder. He is also an adict. He is the favorite child in their family, and is literally handed everything. He drives his mothers car, and doesnt even pay for gas. everyone in the family warned DH that he shouldnt work with UJ because he will be disaapointed. DH ignored it because it is his dream to have the farm.
Last year, when we were looking at the possiblity of me being unemployed, we decided to move across the street from the farm (and above UJ) because it was close to DH's work, and it was $550 a month in rent. the yard is huge, and we could get a dog, and we could surive if I was unemployed. When we looked at it (DH's brother lived here before us, and was a complete slob), I cried because I was embarassed at the fact that we were considering something so discusting. However, the owner cleaned it up, but in a new oven and fridge, and it was actually a possibility.
Good thing I ended up getting a job, because UJ wouldnt pay DH for months at a time. DH paid himself the day before we left for our honeymoon August 1st, and then he didnt get paid until December. SO FRUSTRATING.
Fast forward to december. DH is still doing all of the work for the farm. DH's grandmother is the one who owns the tree farm land, and since we've gotten married, she's been in and out of the hospital, and has had 24 hour care on and off. As of right now, the land is not protected. If she passes away, they have to sell the farm because no one can buy anyone out (it would go to her three children). This would mean that DH would be out of a job. She pretty much refuses to do anything about the land.
In december, UJ told DH that he can no longer afford to have him at the farm. he wants to find someone cheaper who can do it.
DH's last day was Dec. 23rd...right before christmas.
Right now, DH is lookign for jobs, but it's very difficult with his MBA. we feel that DH has a great degree with not too much experience, especially because most office jobs will have no idea how much management/business experience it took to run the farm. I think DH is also having a hard time dealing with the fact that I'm the only income.
I don't think DH wouldnt have such a hard time about me having the only income, if it wasnt for this F***ing apartment. Now that he's not working on the farm, we dont need to be here, and it pisses me off to see UJ. He seriously has no clue. One night, I almost called the police because he had someone over and there was a lot of banging noises. Once, the police came because he had a breakdown, and started ripping cabinets down, and tearing the place apart. i also know for a fact that he has a gun down there, and i cant even think about it.
because the appt. is so small, we have two closets. I cant even use the closet in the bedroom because it's so damp. my clothes actually had mold growing on them. right now, i have piles of clothes on my dresser, and I either can't wear clothes because I can't find them, or they are too wrinkled. Oh yeah, I can't just throw clothes in the dryer either because there is no laundry.
I have breakdowns at least once a week because we just cant live a normal life here. it's so much stress.
ugh...that's all I can write for now. I'm sorry it's so long. Thank you if you've made it this far. I feel that I haven't even begun to paint a picture that can truly show what it's like here. that's why i feel like i'm wining.
Re: Vent....pretty long
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That's an uber sucky situation.
If the farm is doing so well and your H has still not been paid, he should take UJ to claims court, I think. He's owed that money, especially since you said he did 100% of the work.
That apartment doesn't sound liveable. I think you should try to find another place STAT. I don't know what things are like up there, but maybe you can find another apartment for the same rent? Your landlord is not UJ, right? I would be calling the landlord every single day until the closet gets fixed. Hell, take him to court, too and demand the closet be fixed and he pay for the damages to your clothes.
::Hugs::
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thanks girls.
...DH did end up getting paid on his last day, and UJ isn't our landlord.
the crappy thing is that we dont technically have a lease..so I dont know how that would work with the closet. ugh.
I was totally planning on taking UJ to court if DH didnt get paid.
we were planning on trying to buy a house in June, but if we did, it would probably only have to be off of my income. the rent we were paying before this one was $1000, so we cant see renting somewhere else for what we would be paying for a mortgage, and then being locked in for a year. although, at this point, i just want something to change.
At least if you're not under a lease it should be easy to leave, right?
I'm so sorry to hear that he's having such a hard time finding a job and that he's not adjusting well to you being the only income. Is it the fact that he doesn't want his wife to feel burdened or does he feel guilty not being able to help out? H is the only one with a real job in our household and I often feel really guilty that he has to work so hard while I'm in school. I have an assistantship which gives me a stipend of like $10,000/year which is something but I often feel like I don't contribute.
he sees how miserable I am here, and he feels like its all his fault. he knows that i only agreed to live here so i could get a dog, and i've been unhappy here from the start. now that the farm is gone, he feels like we shouldnt be here, and we cant leave until he gets a job.
it also didnt help that our friend who just graduated with her degree in december (the same degree as his masters, only as a bachelors) got a job for 62,000 right away. I keep trying to tell him that he's only been looking for a month, and to be patient.
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First off, you don't sound whiny - at all.
UJ sounds like a real piece of work. My first serous bf was bipolar, so I know how much more that adds to the situation - it's like, you never know which UJ you'll be dealing with that day.
Second, the apartment situation - is moving ASAP at all an option? When we were house-hunting, our apartment had rats living in the walls (FOR REAL. HORRIFYING!) and it made an already stressful situation SO MUCH more stressful. I think a change of scenery (away from the farm, UJ, and the mold) would make you both feel better. Also, maybe waiting on the house-hunting is a good idea - it really is THE most stressful process, and it will probably make you both feel even worse.
MOST importantly, your H - I'm angry FOR him; the whole situation is so shiitty. When H and I first started dating, he REALLY wanted to be a cop. He was applying to all local departments and testing everywhere - long story short, he got close several times but was booted every time. He was SO frustrated - and exasperated, since it was the only thing he could see himself doing with his life. I remember asking him, "if you could do ANYTHING for a living, what would you do?" It didn't take him long to answer, "coach." So he went back to school to be a PE teacher, which is where we are now (however many years later). So maybe ask your H - what would you LOVE to do with your life, in a perfect world? And maybe it truly is to run a tree farm - well, maybe he can take the steps to start up his own and run it the way HE wants to.
And I (clearly) feel his frustration on job hunting. I'm happy to share my resume and/or cover letter if he wants to take a look - or I'm happy to look at his. Make sure he's listing EVERYTHING he did at the tree farm so employers can see how much went in to it - include quantitative examples, if at all possible (ex: increased sales by 150% in one year, or whatever).
I'm sorry this is so long - I'm cutting myself off now! Hang in there - it'll get better, I promise!
January 2, 2010
EDD October 10, 2013
I'm having the opposite problem - one of the first interviews I went to, the hiring manager (CFO - he would've been my boss) couldn't stop harping on sexist issues, talking about how some of the men I would be dealing with (note: dealing with, NOT EVEN supervising!) had a history of being sexist. He mentioned this over and over and over again - even after I told him I had supervised an all-male (and very chauvinistic) crew! Me not getting that job was probably a dodged bullet.
But the chick that started at $62K/year? That's crazy! I live in a very high COL area, and that's unheard of here!
January 2, 2010
EDD October 10, 2013
I completely agree! DH has an MBA and is working for peanuts! And the industry I'm going into used to be really lucrative (we're talking undergrads getting hired before they graduated and making $60,000) and now I'll be lucky as an MLA to job hunt for a year and then settle for making $30,000
This is sort of the problem...everytime I ask him this, he says he has no idea. he gets frustrated with himself because he sees that a lot of his family are nurses and teachers...very specific jobs. he has no idea. we've looked into land, but we just cant do it right now.
...thanks girls, so much. I'll keep my fingers crossed, and everyone updated.
ps..we just found out UJ got a DUI in Maine with his mothers car. he crashed it up pretty bad. he's ok, but DH's grandmother is a mess. ugh.
Does this mean jail time?
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Oh man, that would be AWESOME! Well, not so much for your DH's grandmother...but for you guys!
January 2, 2010
EDD October 10, 2013
I'm not really sure whats going to happen.
I told DH that even though it might sound bad, I'm glad he got a DUI/accident than just getting pulled over for a DUI. I think it makes reality set in a little bit.
Now DH's grandmother is blaming his mother (MIL pretty much goes over there every day to help her out) for "letting her let him use her car" ugh.
...I'm hoping that this process will take a while and he'll be stuck in maine for a while! haha