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Something is wrong with my mom...
I'm new here, but really could use any and all insights about dealing with mothers. Long story short... My parents have been (happily) married for 25 years (or so I thought). She definitely has had more than her share of troubles (grew up on the streets, parents were immigrants, brother is a nut job). On top of that, her father (my beloved abuelo) she watched pass away and her mother (my heart) is essentially mentally vacant (Alzheimers). However, my father loves her and has given her a secure financial situation, a home, four lovely children, and soon to be two grandsons. Her IL's have been nothing short of amazing.
But she is just so sad. She's definitely gotten worse recently. She refers to her marriage as "estranged" and that she feels she has no purpose except her grandsons. She feels responsible for the failures in everyone's life (which aren't that serious). Basically, she's miserable and I'm very, very worried about her.
My father has confided in me about his concerns, but my siblings brush my concerns aside. I've tried talking to her about it, but she immediately shuts down and we fight instead. I'm getting to the point where I feel that she should just move with her life and try to find some semblance of happiness without us- what more can we do? She won't see a therapist/counselor and won't consider medication.
For the sake of my sanity, my unborn son's future, and for the love of my family, what do I do? I just can't let her self-destruct....
Please help.
Re: Something is wrong with my mom...
I agree with Magsugar, you can't force someone to accept help. Sorry you are having to deal with this. She sounds majorly depressed. Do you think she would hurt herself, that would be my only other concern? If that is the case, you can have her committed, but again, that's only a short fix.
Have you told her everything you've told us here? If not, please do. Best of luck.
Your mother is probably in her 50s or near 50.
That's a big milestone birthday. Lots of people find a milestone birthday tough to cope with.
To top that off, she's still feeling the fallout over her dad -- and it is extremely stressful to watch a loved one suffer from a devestating illness.
For that alone, she needs to speak to a social worker --- she needs to get what she's feeling off her chest.
Combine that with a "if I knew then what I know now", plus a difficult family background (childhood and teen years -- you mentioned she grew up on the streets and that's gotta be rough) and she's got a lot on her plate.
Indeed she needs to speak to somebody. Is there anybody at all she'd listen to -- you, or a close friend or relative she can trust? It's to her advantage.
Good luck; I hope you get this straightend out.
What you are describing is Clincal Depression.
The catch-22 of depression is that a symptom of the disease is that the person feels hopeless and isolated ... and therefore sees no hope in treament and doesn't engage supports.
She can refuse treament, that is her right. But it doesn't mean you have to. When she complains about her misery you can say, "You have options. You can get a referral for therapy from your doctor and an anti-depressant prescription." She can get offened or annoyed, but it doesn't mean you stop saying it. Don't fight about it. State it as a fact and walk away.