Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

I think my relationship with my brother is over...

I never post here, but I am having a very hard time.  I have two brothers, A & J.  A has been in a deep depression following drug use for years, and last year met a girl he really liked.  He went to rehab for his depression, and then started a relationship with this girl again.  I'm not sure the nature of the relationship exactly, but it's clear he is in love with her.

Fast forward- she breaks up with him after Christmas, and she and J start dating... even though they live 1000 miles apart.  WTH???  I can't believe J would betray A like this... and she is doing it too.  I am terrified for A since he has slipped back into depression... he doesn't know about their relationship, but I fear he will be suicidal when he finds out.

 I'm not really looking for any sort of response,but I am upset and terrifed and needed to get this out there ;( 

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: I think my relationship with my brother is over...

  • Has anyone asked J what in the sam hill is wrong with him?
    image
  • imageReturnOfKuus:
    Has anyone asked J what in the sam hill is wrong with him?

     

    He is the kind that never cares and follows his own path.  I spoke to him once, but then told my mom what is going on and left it up to her.  For some reason though, she is too scared to talk to him about it... and of course, I am upset with my mom for it.  But seriously, I hate to even get in the middle of it b/c it upsets me so much! 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • imageReturnOfKuus:
    Has anyone asked J what in the sam hill is wrong with him?
    Yes  thats just wrong....
  • I was going to say that when A finds out, he can use making his brother miserable as his new lease on life, by telling him all kinds of sex stories with this woman to skeeve J out.  But then I started wondering if J kind of gets off on that.  Ewww.
    image
  • imageKSimone619:

    I am terrified for A since he has slipped back into depression... he doesn't know about their relationship, but I fear he will be suicidal when he finds out.

    I'll leave the squicky relationship part alone for now... But perhaps start persuading A to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to start working on his depression.

    Psychiatrist = medications
    Psychologist = talk it out

    Hopefully he takes it better than assumed. Regardless, when he finds out (keep in mind it'll probably hurt twice as bad if he finds out not only the secret but that he was the last to know) keep an eye on him. You can always have him admitted to the hospital if you think he's going to harm himself.

  • imagesrs5624:
    imageKSimone619:

    I am terrified for A since he has slipped back into depression... he doesn't know about their relationship, but I fear he will be suicidal when he finds out.

    I'll leave the squicky relationship part alone for now... But perhaps start persuading A to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to start working on his depression.

    Psychiatrist = medications
    Psychologist = talk it out

    Hopefully he takes it better than assumed. Regardless, when he finds out (keep in mind it'll probably hurt twice as bad if he finds out not only the secret but that he was the last to know) keep an eye on him. You can always have him admitted to the hospital if you think he's going to harm himself.

     

    Thank you. He is already on medications AND sees a counselor once a week.  He was not able to be admitted back into the hospital since he is not suicidal at the moment.  otherweise, he has to willingly check himself in. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Where does J live? I will be more than happy to give him a roundhouse kick to the nuts on behalf of A.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Just keep an eye out.... Frankly.... girls/guys that do this type of thing usually do it again.... and again.... and again... meaning.... I wouldn't expect this relationship between J and Girl to last... karma.

    And J is a totally douche.  So he follows his own "path" right into his brother's bedroom..... what a craptastic person.

    But I'm sure he is the mind set of "Ohhhh We're SOOOOO in LOVE..... and NO ONE could POSSIBLY understand.... blah blah blah...."  

    So I wouldn't talk about it with him at all.... actually I would even go as far as to say act like it doesn't bother you.... even if it does.... People who do this type of stuff crave attention.... don't give it to him... it will throw him a loop.

    Just keep an eye on Brother A.

    Blog: Not to be Koi

    Sara, Friend?
    image
    glove slap. I don't take crap.
  • imagesaraelizabeth28:

    Just keep an eye out.... Frankly.... girls/guys that do this type of thing usually do it again.... and again.... and again... meaning.... I wouldn't expect this relationship between J and Girl to last... karma.

    And J is a totally douche.  So he follows his own "path" right into his brother's bedroom..... what a craptastic person.

    But I'm sure he is the mind set of "Ohhhh We're SOOOOO in LOVE..... and NO ONE could POSSIBLY understand.... blah blah blah...."  

    So I wouldn't talk about it with him at all.... actually I would even go as far as to say act like it doesn't bother you.... even if it does.... People who do this type of stuff crave attention.... don't give it to him... it will throw him a loop.

    Just keep an eye on Brother A.

    I love that you used the word karma.  My sister and I were talking about this earlier :)  I am sure it won't last, actually I pray it won't last :( 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Wow!  I'm sorry to hear about your brother's mental state, and I'm glad he is recognizing that he needs help.  I hope he'll be OK.

    J is a piece of schitt suckazz jerk with no ballz to do this to his brother all for a piece of wh0rey ass.  And the girl is a skank wh0re bittch for going after her hopelessly-in-love-BF's brother.  I'm waving my fingers and putting a curse that they both get cooties after the PP roundhouse kicks J in the g'nads.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • imagesrs5624:
    imageKSimone619:

    I am terrified for A since he has slipped back into depression... he doesn't know about their relationship, but I fear he will be suicidal when he finds out.

    I'll leave the squicky relationship part alone for now... But perhaps start persuading A to see a psychiatrist or psychologist to start working on his depression.

    Psychiatrist = medications
    Psychologist = talk it out

    Hopefully he takes it better than assumed. Regardless, when he finds out (keep in mind it'll probably hurt twice as bad if he finds out not only the secret but that he was the last to know) keep an eye on him. You can always have him admitted to the hospital if you think he's going to harm himself.

    This. 

    Your other brother is a class-A Fvcker for doing that to his brother. I won't even get into the various epithets that I have for the x-GF (current GF of fvck-your-an-Ahole Brother). 

    I would break the news to your brother if I were you, or have someone do it (if you just can't stomach the idea). Honestly, he needs to know so he doesn't "find out through the grapevine". Then invite him to stay with you for a couple days. Definitely get him to a professional to talk his feelings out and perhaps be properly medicated (if he needs it). Suicide is no joke, and often the folks that go through with it (I had a very dear friend commit suicide out of the blue this past november- no one saw it coming) don't say a word. So the key is to get him talking so you can see if he has any suicidal ideation.  

    The best of luck you. I feel for your brother and that really is a shiitastic situation right here. 

    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image
  • That really sucks.  Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened.  Love/lust seems to drive people to do crazy things.   

    I truely hope that A can get past this.  I suggest counseling for him to help him work through the anger and betrayl he will likely feel. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • However selfish J may be acting, I wouldn't write him out of my life. He's your brother. Siblings do selfish and annoying things. That goes along with having a family, but don't cut him off. He's acting like an @ss, but he'll see that later. In the mean time, talk with him and try to talk some sense into him, but remember that he isn't thinking rationally right now. He's caught up in that girl. As for your other brother, the only thing you can do is be supportive. Whenever he calls, listen. And always let him know that you want him to call whenever he feels like talking. Make sure he gets some counseling. Sorry to hear about this, but good luck.
    Anniversary Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards