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I grew a pair and talked to my brother
Okay so I didn't really grow a pair, but you know what I mean. I decided I finally had to say something to my brother about his lack of paying for rent, food and utilities. So tonight when he finally got home I went out to the living room and talked to him. This is what happened:
Me: Hey, I have to talk to you.
Bro: What's up?
Me: I wanted to talk to you about helping us out with paying some bills. You moved in with the agreement from us that you would help us out by paying rent and utilities. I mean we pay extra rent for your dog and you eat our food. Ron's (my husband) job started just doing commission (they used to get paid hourly in addition to commission) and in the last month we have made $160. So things have been tough for us and since you make in one week what I make in two I would appreciate some help financially.
Bro: Fine. I will give you some money and I will take care of all the stuff for the dog and give you backrent. I just thought I was helping out by helping to pay for the wedding and doing some of the stuff on your cars.
He then walks down the hall to his room. I could tell he was pissed with me so I went to my room and sat down. Now this whole thing with paying for the wedding...he offered to help pay for anything we needed so we asked him if he would be willing to pay for the cocktail hour alcohol which was $300. Some of the stuff for the cars he has paid for and everytime we offered to pay for it and he would not let us. So I decide to go back out and make sure everything is cool with us. This is how that went:
Me: I am really sorry. I did not mean to upset you. I certainly did not want to hurt your feelings. It is just things have been really hard for us.
Bro: Well if your husband got a real job that paid money you wouldnt' be asking me for help.
Me: You said you were moving in to help us out and you haven't done that since July.
Bro: I helped pay for the wedding.
Me: You paid for $300. We paid the rest. We appreciated it.
Bro: You guys need to stop spending money recklessly. There is no need for you to have cell phones and cable.
Me: Seriously? You want to talk about spending money recklessly?
Bro: Go ahead. What do you have?
Me: You make at least $1000 a week and you have no money in savings.
Bro: I do have money in savings.
Me: Then why are you not helping out?
Bro: Because I work my ass off at two jobs and I do not feel like I should give any of it to you.
Me: I work my ass off too.
Bro: I work two jobs and you work one. I have been busy paying off some bills.
Me: Must be nice. Ron and I have been struggling because you do not help pay for anything. We have put off some bills because of this.
Bro: Get a better job or start working two. You get off work and what do you do? You come and sit on your ass.
Me: I work really hard at work and come home to relax.
Bro: Get a real 'ucking job.
Me: I do have a real job and I work my ass off.
Bro: Whatever.
Me: Are we really going to fight over money?
Bro: Damn straight! I will be out by the end of the week. Faster than you can blink.
Me: Whatever (as I'm walking away...)
So I am really sad that we had such a big blow-up (the second part we were yelling pretty much the entire time) over money. It is not like I was being mean about it. I was trying to be as nice as possible. I just never thought my brother would act like this over something like asking him to pull his weight by paying rent. So now I am afraid I may have ruined my relationship with my brother so I am really upset about that.
Well I talked to my sister this evening to see what she thought and she thinks that I was right to talk to him. She also said that no matter how I would have said it he would have been angry and handled it the same way. He has our father's temper which is just awful. I really love my brother, but I just wish he would have handled this with a little more class than he did.
On the plus side we may finally get our house to ourselves. We shall see tomorrow or even Monday to see how he is taking what transpired tonight. I never wanted it to come to this, but it was really starting to effect my husband's and I's relationship. And I want to make it clear that I never mentioned anything about him needing to move out.
Anyways...I just thought I would share. And if you made it all the way through this I think you deserve a prize! Thanks 
)
Re: I grew a pair and talked to my brother
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TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermI saw this thread and wanted to totally high 5 you! I think you had every right to talk to him and hes a jerk. 6 months and $300 dont really add up I dont care who are.
I honestly would pack up his stuff if hes not out soon and change the locks. Its awful that he was so disrespectful and I am sorry that it ended up the way it did. But good for you for talking to him!!
Hopefully he will be out soon!
Good for you! It sucks that he was such a sh!t about it, but he's been a giant sh!t about it for ages now so it's not like you're worse off. I know it sucks to be in a fight & have tensions with someone in your family, but I think once he's cooled off, y'all will end up ok. You weren't disrespectful. You approached it like an adult. He'll cool down.
Until then, high five, fist bump, and I'd totally buy you a drink!
Seriously, good for you.
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I agree with your sister - I think that no matter what, the outcome would've been the same. That's a shame that he reacted that way, but glad you guys get to have your house back!
Since when does "how hard you work" determine "how much (or little?) you pay for a living quarters or groceries"? He works harder therefore he lives rent free?
Big high five for finally saying something - from your previous posts about him, I can kind of get that no matter what you would say, his reaction wouldn't be the classiest... oh siblings.
At least you won't have the weight of this issue on your shoulders anymore... it's now 'out there'. And hurray for being closer to having your home back
This! I am a teacher and everyone knows we work our a$$es off and get paid nothing so that is B.S. I am so proud of you for finally standing up to him. Others are right and so is your sister, it is obvious by the way that he addressed you the second time that he was looking for a fight. No matter what you said, he wouldn't have let you go without one. He was a pr!ck and it is about time he gets his butt out
Good for you! Way to stand up for you and your hubby!
I'd be suprised if he actually moved out, but hope that he does so you get your place to yourselves finally. I don't know how your family dynamics are, but my sisters and I have had some fights I wasn't quite sure we'd recover from and we always have. It just takes time and someone being willing to sweep the issue under the rug.
THIS! Your brother sounds like a major tool and has been using you as a doormat for a long time. . .get rid of him!
Personally, I'd make it as unpleasant as possible for him, and probably even leave some boxes for him to start packing with. If he wants to be an arse, then he can go right ahead and be an arse in his own house.
Good for you for talking to him. Be firm, and hopefully he'll be gone soon! Good luck.
THIS a hundred times! I am so glad that you talked to him, and al agree with your sister, he probably would have had that reactions no matter how nice you were. I would probably be upset with his reaction but I think it would make me more p!ssed than anything, especially talking about you and your husband that way. That would have been the last straw for me, I would have told him to get the eff out right then and there.
I know that it sucks that he is acting this way, but just let him cool down. I am sure that it will all work out in the end.
This morning my brother gave us $100, but still barely said a word to us. I was hoping he would wake up this morning and realize that he was wrong. Wishful thinking I guess...
This! If anyone of my friends, family, or siblings talked about my husband and I that way, that would be it. Good for you for keeping your cool because if it were me, at that point, I would have started grabbing his crap and throwing it out the front door.
I guess it's good he gave you $100 this morning?? But then again, $100 isn't anything, that barely covers groceries for the week. I'd kick him out. I wouldn't wait for him to move out. I'd say you need to be out by this date and stick to it. He's being a jerk now because he knows he is wrong.
This and what everyone else says. I would want him to move out regardless of what happens next and you should not feel bad about anything you said. He should. I would bring him home some boxes to help him move and tell him the locks will be changed on Saturday (and do it). I would not expect to live with anyone and not pay rent, unless that was the agreement when I moved in (moving in rent free to "get on feet" and get out). $300 might be good for 1 month, not 6.
I think you did the right thing. Shame on your brother for taking advantage of your kindness.
Plan a nice romantic night with your hubby once the freeloader is gone!
MARRIED 10.10.10 !!
October 2010 Siggy Challenge - walking down the aisle!
Are your parents still alive? And if so, what do they have to say about all of this?
Missing our little turkey.
Estimated Due Date 11/13/12 | Natural Miscarriage 4/17/12
I have not known my mother for about 18 years and my father disowned me about 7 years ago. My brother still talks to my father, but it is a very strained relationship.
I wanted to respond to this last night but I couldn't get my ipad to let me post a reply.
First, I am glad you finally had a talk with him and got out what you needed to say. Second, I am so so sorry that his reaction was so extreme and that he said so many awful things to you. Personally, I think that he's reaction was the way it was because he knows that he is in the wrong and is attempting to turn it back on you, so that you will feel guilty (kind of like how when someone is caught cheating, they can try to turn around and say, well why were you snoopying? which is utter bs).
I think you should hold him accountable to his statement that he will be moving out by Friday or if you are opposed to potentially kicking him out to the street, have him stay on the condition (with written contract) that he can stay for the next X number of months or until he finds a new place, which every comes first, with the stipulation that he will pay X dollars in rent(which should cover the extra for his dog and food) for those months plus back rent.
Nick had a roommate ( a fraternity brother) when I first met him that had moved in with him to help him during the chemo. At first it was a mutually beneficial arrangement, but as time went on and Nick got healthier, the relationship kind of fell apart and it took the roommate moving out for them to become friends again. I hope that this will be the case for you and your brother. *HUGS*
So his only argument was, "Get a real job" ???
I would have told him, "Be a real man!"
But good for you! (and maybe start packing for him...)
On my gosh! I would love to start packing his stuff so he can get out already! I keep going to his bedroom to see if he has even started and he has not. We shall see...
I think you did the right thing, even though it was difficult and ended up not going the best way.
Conversations about money are tough and I am hoping your brother comes around soon and realizes he overreacted and insulted you for no reason.
Keep us updated!
Wow! What a smelly situation all around. Money always seems to cause a divide with both family and friends. I'm sorry he said such hurtful things. That was totally unnecessary! But, I think like a pp said, he's just feeling bad and probably already down on himself so he's trying to turn it around on you.
Give him his space. I wouldn't start packing for him. I think that would only make the situation worse. Come up with a backup plan in case he doesn't move out like he said he would. Once you both cool off try talking to him about a) his attitude and b) a deadline. You are newlyweds and deserve to have your own personal space. He's an adult. It's time he starts acting like one. GL!
P.S. I totally must've missed something though. I swear I read a post a couple weeks ago about him moving out. Am I going crazy?!?
est. 10/10/10
I agree with your sister, you did the right thing. Discussing money with family members is never a fun thing, but at least you did it in a mature manner.
*high 5*
Keep us updated on whether he really moves out or not.
You're not crazy. He was supposed to, but is not now. He is trying to get a house loan which the process for that could take some time. So...yeah. Hoping he moves out before that. He has options but isn't taking them. Not sure why. Actually, I think it is because he is enjoying living with us rent free.
Oh and I'm not really going to start packing for him. I am not that gutsy. Plus it would ruin our relationship I think. But I am giving him a deadline.