Maine Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
working mamas...
Although I really do love my job, I struggle everyday with leaving Adrian...still. It's so hard. I know I shouldn't complain because DH is home with him and does a great job. And we've had a snowday pretty much every week lately. But I want it to be me who is with him all the time. Since I have to work, I'm glad to be doing what I'm doing, but in my heart, I'd love to be home with him. I'm glad I listened to you ladies and reduced my hours to 4 days/30 hours. But I wish I would have reduced more. Sigh. Anyone else feel the same?
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Re: working mamas...
I HERE YOU!
I am struggling right now and the anxiety of working like I do with two kids to miss, is really kicking in.
Today was a doozey. I came home so exhausted, got home 11 hours after I left and struggled with Luke to eat anything and was so frustrated. And all I could think is that I spend WAY too much time away from my son. I miss him and I have no energy left by the time I get home.
I wish there was a way. I guess I just need to try to find something closer to home so I can take that 1-3 hours of commute time out of my day and spend that with my little man.
It's so tough to be a 21st century mom. Hang in there sweetie.
I don't hate my job per se, and I am not harshly opposed to working, but it isn't really my style. I have no "career" goals- I just want to pay the bills if that's what required of me.
Staying home is no picnic, but I wish I wish I could do it. Even the Tuesday mornings working from home aren't pleasant any more due to a sweet (and precocious) toddler that just wants to play with Mama. I know he has fun and learns at daycare. I know it's hard work staying home. But I want to be here and spend that time.
I figure on normal work days, I seem him for about 4 hours tops the entire day. That's sad. It's sad because someone else is raising my child a lot of the time. It's sad because he just loves his Mom and Dad so much as we barely see him. It's sad because I have all these fun things I'd love to do but can't on the weekends since I have to handle chores and just normal fun house time then too.
But dem's da breaks. Our expenses eke out our income with just DH working and I carry the insurance, the (matched) 401K and a decent benefit package. So I try not to stress about it. There's nothing I can do, I know James adores me, and this is the best life I can provide at this point. Maybe when the cost of care for a second child comes into play something will change in the way I want, but that's another discussion for another day.
When Jake was that young, I totally felt the same way. Prior to daycare, he was home w/ DH for 3 months and then w/ my mom 9 months for 2 days/week. Once he started daycare around 15 months and I saw how much EVERYTHING improved with him (sleep, socialization, manners, language, learning, etc) it made me feel really good that we could afford to send him to a good school (his daycare is also a school up to age 5). Now that he's an extremely active, tantruming (but awesome too!) toddler, there are days I'm so glad he's at school because I know he behaves really well there and they know how to work with him.
I never, ever, ever in a million years thought I'd think this way - being a SAHM was my dream but we just couldn't afford it. It's so bizarre to come to the realization, but really I'm not cut out for being home full time. I need to have a break or I feel suffocated - again, I felt completely different when Jake was a little baby. We were contemplating having me work a few weekends a month and SAH weekdays when #2 comes along, but we both decided that daycare/school is way too beneficial to Jake to give up at this point. There really is a silver lining to the hell you're going through now, I promise.
We found a schedule that works great for us financially (and psychologically) where I work 2-3 days/week, and it's a good balance for me and Jake. Maybe you could finagle your work schedule somehow to be there a little less and work from home 1 day/week?? (((hugs))) I know it is hard to leave them, especially when they're that young. In the meantime, check out the Working Moms board on the Bump if you're feeling down & out - there are lots of women in the same boat but they can be inspiring too.
Jake blowing out the candle at Katie's coming home party
Katie Belle
Kristen, Chad, Jake, Katie & Sadie the Wonderdog, est. 6/17/06
I totally felt the same way when they were first born. I pretty much didn't have a choice and had to go back to work 6 weeks after they were born. I had been out on disability 6 weeks prior to that, and I couldn't take the financial hit to stay out longer. I cried daily at my desk, because I wanted to be home so bad with my boys.
Today, however I am "ok" with it. In an ideal world I would be a SAHM, but I took a vacation over Christmas and though I enjoyed spending every waking moment for them, it was the first time I felt like I was ready to go back to work. I still miss them every day while I am here, but I also live for the moment I walk through the door and they are sitting there looking at me with huge smiles and reaching out for me.
Well said! I don't know that I'm great SAHM material, but I want to be there for my kiddos
THIS! I will probably go down in history on this board as the least maternal human being on the planet, but I LOVE going to work. I have zero creativity and I know that Ridley does not get what she needs when she is home with me. She loves the kids at daycare and loves her providers. She doesn't want to leave at the end of the day. Do I miss her? Of course! But I know that she gets better care during the week from someone else at this point. And when we are with her on weekends we have really started to ignore the house cleaning, etc. that we could be doing to spend time with our child. That stuff just isn't all that important to us. Now my house isn't filthy, but it is not spotless either. It's all about making the choices that work for you.