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I need advice from the bedroom pros
Here's my problem - MH and I do not have enough sex; not even CLOSE to enough sex. I'm definitely the more sexually-driven one in our relationship, and awhile back realized I couldn't just wait for him to initiate. Here is the issue:
I have no idea how to initiate. Any time I try to make a move or be 'sexy', his usual response is a giggle and "get out of there". I'm a pretty laid-back, low-maintenance girl so prancing around in lingerie, or high heels and red lipstick, doesn't come naturally to me. Plus I feel like if I tried something like that MH would look at me like I was crazy. It seems like anything I try brings all the responses I DON'T want. I need to know how to get him in the mood (and me too). What are you best moves? How do you get YH excited?
I don't know. I'm at a loss. We finally talked this morning and he complained that we hadn't had sex all week and I said I was waiting for him. He said 'why don't you ever make moves?' and I told him it's because I got tired of constantly getting shut down and/or laughed at. We talked and I promised to try to initiate more, but as I've been thinking about it through the day I've realized I have no idea how to seduce him or come on to him without doing something he would perceive as goofy.
Help!
Re: I need advice from the bedroom pros
That's how it goes in our house, too. I'm not very romantic. A simple, "Wanna get lucky?" does the trick.
LOL...yep! Or, "So how tired are you tonight?
"
Roaming hands are a pretty good segue, too.
You just need some imagination;....take a tip from Victoria Wood;
i find building up sexual anticipation works really well to ignite fire later. try sending erotic texts or email messages throughout the day. here are some other tips:
1. when your partner gets out of the shower or looks really good, STARE. hold that stare at his chest, private parts, etc. he'll get the message.
2. lingerie is an out and out suggestion. check out some of my favorites:
http://redlacesexblog.com/2011/01/12/
3. massage is a really great way to initiate. try rubbing your hands through his hair, rubbing his back, his feet, etc. while you're watching tv together.
4. bold is good. see what you response you get just by saying, "god, sometimes you really turn me on, like, uh, NOW."
5. if he's going to giggle, he'll love games. they can also work great to break the ice. again, i show case a couple of my favorites here:
http://redlacesexblog.com/2011/01/24/
6. serve dinner in bed one night . . .
hth!
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I empathize, as it happens a lot in our marriage too
I definitely think I'm the one who wants it more than him and I know it's hard because my hubby works many more hours per week than I do so maybe your man is tired just like mine? Well... anyways, what I found that works for me last night actually (after a major dry spell!) is to do something that isn't always natural and actually a little out of ordinary, or even out of your comfort zone. It will then be out of ordinary for him too. I got into sexy lingerie and red heels, set up a chair in the living room, put on a trench coat, and then rang the door bell. He was definitely surprised and immediately excited. The fact that you had that talk is great because you know that he DOES want you. I'm sure you're a beautiful woman that he'd love to have seduce him like that. If you're serious and don't worry if he does his usual "get out of there" speech, he'll eventually get into it. I know it's hard but try not to get your feelings hurt if he is giggly at first. Maybe he's just a little embarrassed but that's almost better! If it's hard for you, maybe plan it out the day before. Then, after work, take a bath, pick out your clothes, do your makeup and put on perfume so you feel like a million bucks. Get into the mood yourself. Make sure to let him know you have a surprise so you aren't let down when he calls and says he's going out with the guys or gets into a two-hr long video game trance like my hubby 
Now of course you can't do that every week. Another thing that's good is to ask, maybe while you are having sex, what his fantasies are or what he would like to do. Then, you already know what he wants and you can do it!
Lastly, maybe talk about what puts him in the mood. Take a look at your and your hubby's lives, and maybe what stresses or roadblocks might be contributing. I noticed you said in your talk, you promised to try to initiate more. What is he going to do to contribute? Let him know how you feel about that. Also, trying to get at the root of why he's always giggly and pushes you away is important. It's probably his issue, not something about you. Working on it together can really yield good results, especially when you both know that the other person definitely still wants it
Good luck!
I think if I tried some "moves" and got shot down or laughed at, I'd be much less likely to make any more moves.
Just remember that, for the most part, men don't take hints very well. You may be able to be coy and teasing, and he'll take it from there, but you may also just want to throw it right in his face, in whatever style you feel comfortable with: "Wanna get lucky?", "Wanna screw/fvck/fornicate?", "Drop trou and get busy!"
You guys need to talk and come up with a plan. If neither of you are comfortable getting graphic, you need to figure out where your comfort zone is. I've also heard of couples that use a symbol to mean they want to get busy, such as leaving a teddy bear sitting on the dining room table, or a codeword that you text to each other.
I am the aggressor in the bedroom (or living room or kitchen...errr hehehe) I usually initiate and am usually on top. As far as I could tell my husband liked it....he would coax me on top, etc. But recently I asked: hey, does it bother you that I typically make the first move? Sometimes I wonder if I am bothering you, or maybe that you dont find me attractive, and Im forcing you (eerrr Im pretty sure it was a hormonal swing kind of day)
He said something along the lines of: you're crazy, I love to see you in action, I love that youre so comfortable.
Now, he doesn't always want sex. He works long, hard days (resturant/bar working his booty off on his feet all day and night) and sometimes just doesnt have the energy. Hes told me...its not that he doesnt want sex..he just cant enjoy it because of how tired his is/back pain/whatever.
But without me asking very specific questions, I would never have gotten that answer out. Sometimes he likes to lay there and I stroke his chest/kiss his neck..and he enjoys silently..so I have to say: tell me if you want me to stop (so he can sleep, whatever).
Since we had the talk hes initiated more, too. Now that he knows I want him to initiate too..cause it makes me feel sexy!!
the key: asking specific questions (at least in my marriage!)
I prefer to be kind of blunt, like PP's said.
Some suggestions:
"I'm horny, wanna help me out with that?"
Start with a back massage, and then start rubbing other parts.
Jump into the shower with him or suggest taking a bath together.
Give him a kiss, but make it last longer than usual. You'd be surprised at how short kisses become when you've been together for awhile, but a good long kiss can get you in the mood.
Sometimes lingerie puts too much pressure on you or makes you feel silly if you don't wear stuff like that very often. Put on one of his shirts with nothing on underneath. Put on a sheer shirt with no bra on. If you feel comfortable doing it, just walk into the room naked and sit on his lap or hop into bed naked and cuddle up next to him.
Reply to 'greeneyez';
This is an area of "intimacy" that I am new at and not very confident - but for his sake I'd like to get better! I think maybe if I go for it, he'll feel like I'm really making an effort to love him and proving I will go outside my comfort zone for his pleasure - if that doesn't get him in the mood it might just be a lost cause
. Thanks!
Thanks everyone for all the great tips! Keep 'em coming. I think part of it for me is just having the confidence - feeling sexy, knowing he thinks I'm sexy, and then trusting that that is enough to make things happen.
For his part, I think he needs to be a little more open-minded about sex. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's intense, sometimes it's dirty, sometimes it's sweet etc etc. Helping my DH to understand that there isn't one set place or time to get it on is also part of the battle.
But I REALLY appreciate the advice, and the sympathy! It's wonderful to know I'm not the only frustrated wife out there (not that I want there to be other frustrated wives, but just saying). Thank you so much ladies!
If he beats you home and you have a garage, you could leave your cloths in the car and walk in wearing your b-day suit...
Leave him a note in his jacket pocket saying something sweet or sexy.
Not everything has to be red lace and chocolates.
Take a bath, then after you're both in bed, take off your clothes and start masturbating. This works every time for me.
Tell him you're going to take a shower and ask if he wants to join you.
I have done so many things from asking, ("Hey, you wanna have sex?) to being discreet about it, (kissing his neck and ear lobes) to strutting around in nothing on but pumps or walking towards the bedroom and stripping off the clothes on the way.
For MH, subtlety is not for him. He seems to not get it and kissing his neck sends him into a giggling frenzy. So, my thought it to try EVERYTHING!!! You are married to this man so this is the time to be more experimental and that is the fun part. You get to find out what works for the both of you and good luck to a great sex life!
Sometimes I get discouraged, but when I remember that my H and I have the rest of our lives to figure out what works, what we like etc., it always helps me look at it in a more positive light - almost like a game.
I will say I tried a few of the tips from PPs and got the right response last night