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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
MIL calls wife often. Too much?
My wife of about a year and a half receives at least 6 or 7 phone calls from her mom every day. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much, but it does. I think it's because I often see it interrupting whatever we're doing. Is it common for a woman to talk to her mother that often? We live about five hours away, so I realize they don't get to see each other very often, but it still seems a bit much. Thoughts?
Re: MIL calls wife often. Too much?
To me, it's not the quantity of calls that your wife is getting but the fact that they are interrupting whatever you're doing. Six calls a day probably wouldn't phase you if you weren't together when they occurred, KWIM?
Personally, though, I wouldn't want to talk to my mom six to seven times per day. That's a lot.
That seems excessive to me. What do they talk about? Does she call her mother when you are both together and doing things - or does her mother call her that many times a day and your wife just answers every time?
FWIW I talk to my mother once every week or two. We live 1000+ miles a way and I just don't have that much to talk about w/ her (we aren't close) to make more frequent phone calls.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I usually talk to my Mom on the phone once a day...sometimes twice. We email a few times at work, but thats about it. I'd get annoyed even w/ the 6-7 calls a day if it were interupting what DH and I were doing.
I've started trying to talk to my Mom either while I'm driving or before DH gets home that way it doesn't take away from what him and I do on the weekends or at night during the week.
Try talking to your wife...if you approach it tactfully I don't see how she'd get upset
I second this. Before we were married, DH lived where we live now, 6 hours from family and myself. He would get lonely, and I was working 2 jobs and going to school full time, so we would talk once a day, and usually for short periods. So his mom got into the habit of calling him every evening to talk for a while (sometimes a couple hours-she lives by herself, he lived by himself, so sometimes they were both lonely). Well, when we first got married, she would still do this, mostly because she still lives by herself and is still lonely. DH had to finally explain to her that now that we're married, although he enjoys talking to her, it's easier for him to call her so that it doesn't interupt anything we're doing.
FWIW, I talk to my mom once a day, on my way to work. We're very close, and rarely see eachother. She likes to joke that I'm her alarm clock because then she gets up and goes running. I don't mind DH talking to his mom every day, or whatever he's comfortable with, I just don't want it interupting our plans.
Same here! To OP, I would think there's some separation anxiety (for lack of a better term) going on if she needs to talk to her mom that many times a day. Why does she answer the phone every time? If my mother calls, and we're busy, I ignore the call and call her back when its convenient for me.
If the phone calls are interrupting your interactions with your wife then I'd say they are excessive. Have you talked to your wife about how you feel that her Mom's frequent calls are interfering in your daily life/marriage?
I had a similar issue with my MIL and the number of calls definitely bothered him as well. Thankfully, my husband had a chat with MIL and the number of calls have decreased.
Whether we think it is excessive or not is irrelevant. The fact that it is bothersome to you and interrupts your time with your wife, however, is.
Have you discussed this with her? That is what needs to be addressed.
I talk to my mom about 2 times a day.... but not while H and I are in the middle of an activity like dinner... or spending time together. Usually I talk to her while my husband is at work or doing something else.... like on the computer or watching a show that he likes and I don't care for....
I live 16 hours away from my mom and we have a great relationship. I feel like I can tell her anything.
Sara, Friend?
glove slap. I don't take crap.
I talk to my mom usually once a day or every other day and it's almost always on my way home from work. We'll talk/text throughout the day if needed but that's it.
I talk to my mom probably 1 - 3 times a day, depending on if it's just chatting or there's something specific she or I need to ask or say. Aside from the specific phone calls, which usually last only a few minutes, I talk to her while I'm at work so as not to interfere with my time with DH. I very rarely talk to my mom for extended amounts of time during the evenings and the weekends, often not at all.
My MIL, on the other hand calls DH every single day, multiple times a day, from morning til night. I've checked the cell phone records and there are days when she has called 10+ times in one day. It drives me NUTS. And it's mostly about stupid crap. One time DH and I were having lunch and MIL called to say "There's a silver car in my driveway, is it yours?"
no one can say what's too much-that's relative and subjective.
i speak to my mom pretty much every evening and we email during the day. we're just super close and get along really really well and have a ton in common.
if you think it's interrupting things tell your wife to consider calling her back later..
DH used to talk to his dad 6 or 7 times per WEEK and that alone would drive me crazy. But I agree with the others: the real issue is that it was interrupting our time together. So I asked him to not take calls when we were on a date or spending quality time together and really he took it to heart and has been very accommodating. That conversation happened 5 years ago and I can't say that I've felt annoyed by their frequency of chats since.
And, no, I don't think 6-7 calls per day is reasonable at all.
I talk to my mom and dad almost daily... I know my H thinks it is strange because he talks to his famil maybe once or twice a month.
I try to take/make the calls when it does not interrupt our time together.
But what happens when you go on vacation? Is she constantly calling then too and interrupting your time together? I mean, you are her husband and you should come first, you are each other's best friends and even more. You are more important than Mom and Mom is being overly intrusive. Its time for your wife to say something and/or to stop answering the phone. You have a problem with your wife, not so much with your MIL.
By the way, I talk to my Mom once a week and she lives about 45 minutes away. I also come from an Italian family, so not sure what descent has to do with it.