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the corporate carrot... help me cope (long)
I can't stop being completely irritated with myself that I'm so freaking upset about this.
I had an awesome job under a fantastic manager four years ago. I got asked by upper management to let another manager "borrow" me for a brief period of time (they said 1 year) for a specific expertise I have. I knew before I started working under him that he was not a good manager to work for and I was worried this would be a permanent arrangement. Upper management talked to me about this would be the path to eventually leading my own department.
4 years pass of being borrowed briefly working my tail off. I got a lot of "I'm sorry about your position but there's nothing we can do for you please be patient." For 4 years.
Another position in the company opened up, which I took because it felt like I was getting empty promises and was never going to get the promotion carrot they were dangling over my head. I needed to get out out from under this manager (who is one of those angry + somewhat sexist dudes).
Instead of backfilling my old position... upper management created the department head position they were dangling.
I'm having a difficult time dealing with this. Did I do a crap job & they never wanted me in the position? It really sucks because I very much want that position but feel like I can't apply because the other department will feel abandoned (they asked more questions to make sure I really wanted the new job - and I did, because this new position did not exist). It feels like there's no winning. I seriously need to get over this and be strong and professional but I'm so angry! (And sadly, I'm one of those chicks who when she gets really angry cries which is probably one of the most unprofessional things you could possibly do in a corporate environment.) My husband says it just shows that I was doing more work than my title. Regardless, this is not helping me get over how upset I am. So upset, I feel like this is a bad company to work for and I want to quit and get out so I don't have to deal with these people any more.
The thing is, I know my new position is really good. It should be less stress and more fun. (Old job was making me a wreck and impacting both my health and relationships with the number of hours I was putting in.)
ARGH, why can't I get over this? Any suggestions for coping? I feel so lame!
Re: the corporate carrot... help me cope (long)
Instead of getting over this, why don't you talk to someone about it? I'd go to upper management and say, "4 years ago when I took position X, I was told it would lead to me being a department head. I see that position is opening up now that I've left position X. I'd like to get some feedback from you on what I could do to achieve that position, or to find out why I wasn't considered for it." Alternatively you could go to your new boss and say, "I'm really excited to be working in this new position. I wanted to discuss my short- and long-term goals (and include being a dept head as one of those) and find out what I need to do to get there in [X amount of time]."
And I'm also a silver lining type of person. If I had an opportunity to stay with a company I liked, but to get away from a boss from hell for a more fun job that gave me more of a work-life balance, I'd bust my butt to do a great job there and take another run at a department head in the future.
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In a similar vein of Dr. Loretta, I'm trying to figure out if you have a serious communication issue or a serious lack of personal advocacy. How is it possible that after 4 years you didn't see this coming, or that you didn't get the opportunity to take the position before moving? Either you were not getting critical and timely feedback from managers and team members, or you were not advocating for yourself, and instead were expecting people to promote you "just because".
I'm not trying to be harsh, but learn from me-I can't tell you how many years I wasted waiting for people to advocate for me. It literally disgusts me how passive I used to be. Don't be like me-carve your own path, ASK and PUSH for things, advocate for yourself. And perhaps most importantly, LISTEN to what people think of you, and adjust to be what they need. GL, I hope this new job is the opportunity for you to break out!
It's a funny thing, really. The structure is really such they don't like you talking to people above your immediate supervisor. Despite many conversations with old manager (with many "I wish I could promote you but the recession" "I know you are going above and beyond" and "I really appreciate all the long hours you've put in on this project")... I tried to get a meeting with upper management who repeatedly blew off the meeting or rescheduled. I really wanted to speak with him before jumping to a different division and never was able to get the time.
They actually had me go over what I was doing and help with the write up of the job position before posting it - which was a slight upgrade to my previous title and reporting to the same manager. Which, honestly, they wouldn't be able to hire someone in with the title I had to do the work I was doing. Didn't find out until last week when I was thinking about sending the job to someone and looking on our website that they (same write up of job) had changed it to a division head and reporting directly to upper management.
Honestly, I'm sure you are right with the personal advocacy thing. I'm do what you are asked and get the job done right no matter how long it takes person. Previous job has nearly destroyed my marriage (what spouse wants to be with someone who literally takes the computer to bed and spends every evening working). In theory, my old boss was supposed to voice my concerns upward. In reality, he asks for my thoughts about things then voices as they were his ideas and if I needed to email anyone important with my thoughts he'd require that I run everything by him and allow him to edit (that STILL makes me sick to my stomach)... So, how would I expect my career goals to be respected by someone like that?
Clearly next time I should camp myself outside of upper manager office. Or something...
thanks for letting me talk this through. you're right, the new job is going to be good. at the time I interviewed it seemed like no downside. new boss says your evenings and weekends are your time. truly don't know what I'm going to do with myself. maybe I'll actually see a movie for a change!