Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What will you teach your children about sex?
So I'm taking this human sexuality course, and I actually really love it (even though I'm about 10 years older than at least 1/4 of the class). I had to read a book called America's War on Sex, which is about how America is sex saturated and sex silent. There's a couple of chapters on what kids are learning in school sex-ed classes, and how they are being conditioned to think of sex as something dirty and bad.
Most schools across the US teach abstinence. And often abstinence only. I know I was told that abstinence was the only 100% way to prevent pregnancy and STIs. The book says that 88% of teens who take an abstinence pledge break it by the time they're 20. So really, it only has a 12% success rate. Furthermore, since they're only teaching abstinence, the kids who are having sex (and most of them will) are not getting any good information on birth control or how to prevent STIs.
The book makes an interesting parallel of smoking and sex. How much do kids hear about how bad smoking is for you, that you shouldn't do it, here are all the bad effects, and oh yeah, it's illegal to purchase them. But they're telling kids sex is bad and expecting them to just say no?
A lot of kids in this class are uncomfortable saying things like vagina, penis, vulva, and anus - this is a learned behavior. This is our parents being too uncomfortable to say them to us. Adults are (often) uncomfortable with the sexuality of "kids" (teens). And send this message that they shouldn't have sex, and if they are, they don't want to know about it. Perpetuating this cycle of silence.
I really feel that being comfortable with your sexuality is part of positive self image. We're brought up to be proud of ourselves, but who we are as sexual beings is largely left in silence.
So how do we instill a sense of confidence in an adolescent's sexuality (womanliness, power, body image, etc) without pushing the message that you should or need to have sex? Sexual maturity doesn't mean "hey, go have sex," but rather "hey, it's up to you to decide when, how, with whom, or even IF you want to share yourself."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
**Current VistaPrint Groupon - $17 gets you $70(good 'til 11/8)**
**New project in the works: Follow my Twitter for more Groupon (etc) deals!**
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Bio ~ A Bride's Guide to VistaPrint * www.vistaprint-goddess.weebly.com
"In my book you're a VistaPrint goddess" --Hannah
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v37/thesorceresshermione/sigs/?action=view
Re: What will you teach your children about sex?
It's a tough subject... My step-son is 12, and we've never really had an in-depth convo with him about sex and relationships. He knows were babies come from and the scientifics of it, but not anything about diseases and protection. He just knows that when you love someone and marry them, you start making babies, which totally confused him when we told him we weren't having one lol!
He has recently started masturbating.. My husband and I have both caught him. I couldn't look him in the eye for a whole week lol Anthony talked to him about it and told him it's natural and he shouldn't be ashamed, but it's private and not to let people see him. We put a lock on his door so he has some privacy.
I don't know what to tell him about sex with girls! There will definately be no locked doors and privacy with girlfriends over, but I agree that just saying "don't do it" isn't enough. That's the advice my parents gave, and I lost my virginity at 16. I learned about protection at school, and got free condoms from the women's health clinic. They have teen night 2 or 3 nights a week. It's not just about diseases and pregnancy, but also about respecting your body and waiting for the right time. Maybe not as much with boys, but definately with girls, you don't want to wake up at 25 with a few too many notches on your belt and wish you waited. You can't take it back
I think it's something that has to be covered from several points.
1. Explain that sex is really an act of sharing yourself with someone; think about if this person is someone you want to be linked in some way, shape or form for the rest of your life. Tell them I waited until I was 23, and still wish I'd waited a bit longer, because I don't think I made the best choice for who was my "first."
2. Explain that there are a LOT of ramifications for sex - go through the pictures of all the different STD's, and their potential long-term effects (i.e.: sterility, infections, spreading to future partners, etc.). Also talk about teen pregnancy, and run through financial models of how much being a teen parent would cost, in relation to future wage-earning ability (due to diminished likelihood of finishing college in immediate future), as well as costs of raising a child. This also includes the LIKELIHOOD of pregnancy with different protection methods - i.e.: we call people who use the pull-out method "parents."
3. Explain that IF they decided to share themselves, that they MUST know how to protect themselves, too. For a boy OR a girl, show how to put on a condom CORRECTLY. For a girl, discuss that birth control pills are an option if she feels tempted to go down that route, but it in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM replaces using a condom until she's married, darn it! And make sure that condoms are available if it starts to look like they're going down that path... I'd much rather they have access to protection than they get an STD or pregnant.
At the same time, I think it's important to instill in them that sex really is something that's special between two people who care about each other and are committed to each other. That it can feel really d*mn good, but it needs to be given the consideration that you'd give any other major life decision, because it can change your health, your financial outlook, etc. And that it's not something that will "win" someone if you feel like a relationship is teetering - too many horror stories about someone caving to sex because of the pressure of "if you loved me you'd _____."
anyways, those are my thoughts on the matter... might not work for everyone, but I think it works for me.
I know I was told that abstinence was the only 100% way to prevent pregnancy and STIs.
Which is true, and my kids will know that. But they'll also know the proper terminology for anatomy and they'll know about birth control. I see nothing confusing about encouraging them to wait to have sex until they are adults, but educating them about birth control and choices.
40/112
I don't know what my school's official stance is on this, but when I taught Anatomy & Physiology (to HS juniors & seniors), I put it all out there. They knew all about STDs, getting pregnant, and how to protect themselves. It always AMAZED me how little they knew even about their own anatomy. I had girls who had no idea that they had three openings down there. It was stunning!
When we have kids and they have natural curiousity, I plan on telling them the truth and the names of stuff. When my kids get to the age where they may be considering having sex, I am going to educate them on birth control. I don't want them sleeping around as teenagers, but I would rather give them the protection they need before it is too late.